Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I know not to call people as stupid or as ugly or even slight them as poor but I do so here only to drive in or emphasize the point of this subject.
My understanding of self-esteem is that it is easier to have the real and healthy self-esteem if one is truly ugly and stupid and dirt poor, while it is harder to have the real and healthy self-esteem when one is beautiful and intelligent and rich.
As in a person who knows they are ugly and knows they are stupid and knows they are poor are therefore more likely and more inclined to esteem their true inner self as being important and as being worthy of respect and dignity in spite of their physical limitations.
A person who is and knows they are attractive and smart and well off financially will then more likely esteem them self more highly based on those outside conditions and fail to even look into their true self.
Of course there is middle ground, as like a poor and stupid person who happens to be nice looking can then go far on their looks alone, and a poor and ugly person can go far if they have intelligence, and really there are many people who are ugly and stupid but they have big money which gives them an exaggerated ego based on cash.
The point being is that healthy self-esteem does not come from our physical condition or circumstance, so the health self-esteem is an attribute which does not matter if one is rich or poor, smart or dumb, beautiful or ugly, because healthy self-esteem means in disregard of such things as those.
Our self-esteem must mean to esteem the unseen person who lives inside of our outer self, because our person within (our self) is our own personal identity. There is an unhealthy kind of negative self-esteem which is based on such superficial realities.
If we look into a mirror and see a reflection of a nice looking Woman or a handsome Man and we esteem our self based on our looks then that is esteeming our looks and NOT our self. The healthy self-esteem is not something which only pretty people can have, and it is not based on our looks.
Or if we take our test at school and get the highest score, or be a smarter employee at our job, and then esteem our self based on being more intelligent than that is esteeming intelligence and NOT our self. The healthy self-esteem can not be based on how smart or how stupid one might be.
And it is the same case for money, in that if we have a nice home, nice car, high credit, lots of cash, then it easy to mistake the esteem of one self based on more money when that is not the healthy self-esteem needed for a healthy life.
The real and healthy self-esteem is to come from the inner integrity of our own character. As in when a person knows within our own heart and soul that we are doing right and being honest and sincere to the best of our abilities then we feel our own power, feel our true importance, feel our own esteem, regardless of anything outside of our self.
When we sincerely do as we know and believe to be right or proper then that is being good to thy self.
We feel it when we do wrong, we feel it more-so when we know we are doing wrong, and by doing wrong we hurt our self, and we hurt the people around us, while healthy self-esteem is raised up by doing right in our living.
It seems as if this is asking or expecting too much, as if we got to be perfect and never screw up, or we have to be some goody-goody person or be a Saint which most people can not fulfill and do not want to be. So the one way to figure out the choice is by learning how does an ugly stupid and dirt poor person have their self-esteem in a healthy way? because the correct answer can always be found there.
One of the best examples of self-esteem in action is in the Fantasia Barino story who at 19 years old won the American Idol 2004, because she had all sorts of negatives against her, as in being black, single mother at 16, undereducated without even a High School GED, and she would make fun of her own looks, and she did not let any of her outer circumstances to define her own self-esteem or her life.
Fantasia did more than just win the 2004 American Idol as she with the little education was the one who wrote a best seller book about her life, and inside that book she tells that she has a learning disability, so it seems odd that the uneducated person would write a book which means she valued what she did not have. The healthy self-esteem is seen in our outgoing values and actions. Of course Fantasia does have scandals and conflicts and she is no Mother Teresa or a Mahatma Gandhi, but she is a very real example of a healthy kind of self-esteem under scrutiny.
It is okay to be beautiful or handsome, and it is okay to be smart and educated, it is even okay to be rich and privileged, but one must not be deceived into believing that those things define our true self.
Successful people do not necessarily have a healthy self-esteem as often people gain success driven by their greed or by lust or by violent or unethical means. Self-esteem does not make a person as perfect as it is only one aspect of a healthy personality, but without the healthy self-esteem then we are crippled or handicapped in our living.
So it must not or need not matter if one is smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly, rich or poor, because where it comes to a correct and healthy self-esteem then none of that makes any difference.
There is my summary, and I am open to criticism or opinions on it.
My understanding of self-esteem is that it is easier to have the real and healthy self-esteem if one is truly ugly and stupid and dirt poor, while it is harder to have the real and healthy self-esteem when one is beautiful and intelligent and rich.
As in a person who knows they are ugly and knows they are stupid and knows they are poor are therefore more likely and more inclined to esteem their true inner self as being important and as being worthy of respect and dignity in spite of their physical limitations.
A person who is and knows they are attractive and smart and well off financially will then more likely esteem them self more highly based on those outside conditions and fail to even look into their true self.
Of course there is middle ground, as like a poor and stupid person who happens to be nice looking can then go far on their looks alone, and a poor and ugly person can go far if they have intelligence, and really there are many people who are ugly and stupid but they have big money which gives them an exaggerated ego based on cash.
The point being is that healthy self-esteem does not come from our physical condition or circumstance, so the health self-esteem is an attribute which does not matter if one is rich or poor, smart or dumb, beautiful or ugly, because healthy self-esteem means in disregard of such things as those.
Our self-esteem must mean to esteem the unseen person who lives inside of our outer self, because our person within (our self) is our own personal identity. There is an unhealthy kind of negative self-esteem which is based on such superficial realities.
If we look into a mirror and see a reflection of a nice looking Woman or a handsome Man and we esteem our self based on our looks then that is esteeming our looks and NOT our self. The healthy self-esteem is not something which only pretty people can have, and it is not based on our looks.
Or if we take our test at school and get the highest score, or be a smarter employee at our job, and then esteem our self based on being more intelligent than that is esteeming intelligence and NOT our self. The healthy self-esteem can not be based on how smart or how stupid one might be.
And it is the same case for money, in that if we have a nice home, nice car, high credit, lots of cash, then it easy to mistake the esteem of one self based on more money when that is not the healthy self-esteem needed for a healthy life.
The real and healthy self-esteem is to come from the inner integrity of our own character. As in when a person knows within our own heart and soul that we are doing right and being honest and sincere to the best of our abilities then we feel our own power, feel our true importance, feel our own esteem, regardless of anything outside of our self.
When we sincerely do as we know and believe to be right or proper then that is being good to thy self.
We feel it when we do wrong, we feel it more-so when we know we are doing wrong, and by doing wrong we hurt our self, and we hurt the people around us, while healthy self-esteem is raised up by doing right in our living.
It seems as if this is asking or expecting too much, as if we got to be perfect and never screw up, or we have to be some goody-goody person or be a Saint which most people can not fulfill and do not want to be. So the one way to figure out the choice is by learning how does an ugly stupid and dirt poor person have their self-esteem in a healthy way? because the correct answer can always be found there.
One of the best examples of self-esteem in action is in the Fantasia Barino story who at 19 years old won the American Idol 2004, because she had all sorts of negatives against her, as in being black, single mother at 16, undereducated without even a High School GED, and she would make fun of her own looks, and she did not let any of her outer circumstances to define her own self-esteem or her life.
Fantasia did more than just win the 2004 American Idol as she with the little education was the one who wrote a best seller book about her life, and inside that book she tells that she has a learning disability, so it seems odd that the uneducated person would write a book which means she valued what she did not have. The healthy self-esteem is seen in our outgoing values and actions. Of course Fantasia does have scandals and conflicts and she is no Mother Teresa or a Mahatma Gandhi, but she is a very real example of a healthy kind of self-esteem under scrutiny.
It is okay to be beautiful or handsome, and it is okay to be smart and educated, it is even okay to be rich and privileged, but one must not be deceived into believing that those things define our true self.
Successful people do not necessarily have a healthy self-esteem as often people gain success driven by their greed or by lust or by violent or unethical means. Self-esteem does not make a person as perfect as it is only one aspect of a healthy personality, but without the healthy self-esteem then we are crippled or handicapped in our living.
So it must not or need not matter if one is smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly, rich or poor, because where it comes to a correct and healthy self-esteem then none of that makes any difference.
There is my summary, and I am open to criticism or opinions on it.
But, since money, looks and intelligence can be taken away anytime, due to a health problem, seems to me embracing a spirituality is the only answer to lasting self-esteem. A spirituality also replaces fear with love! Makes one fearless in embracing others. THAT, to me, indicates some POWERFUL self-esteem!
They also love the land that they live on, and are in harmony with it. Now, if only their governments would lay off the greed and stop horning in on their land for material resources or commercial development...