That's interesting keep me posted I am new to the codependency theory myself and would like to know more.

that isolation is a common part of codependency is interesting, i guess i never consider the codependent relationship as anything but attachment. i mean, isolation from the world yes, but from the partner? this is a great topic of discussion

Boy, when I was growing up I was the MASTER at shutting down and at isolating myself. I did it to protect myself from what ever was going on. If my dad was drinking or if my mom was in her manic or depressive state, I could just shut off all of the emotions that I needed to and not feel a thing. I just got through the day in an almost blank state. I loved school because I could be myself there and show emotion. I cannot tell you how many times that I was told - "You shouldn't feel that way." or "If you are going to cry, go to your room." I just got so that I shut down what I considered to be all unacceptable emotions. Now, I know that it is ok to feel what I feel. I acknowledge the feeling, feel it and move on. "Feel the feels." as my daughter says.

I relate to this isolation so much. I think a way to look at my codependency is isolation from myself. I'm continually trying to comply and change myself to smooth things over and allowing myself to be made to feel inferior instead of setting up boundaries and allowing them to experience the consequences of their own actions.

I grew up hearing the same things as @jeanieinnc . I learned early on to isolate myself and shut down my emotions and personality and just be whoever everyone else wanted. Because I had no identity in myself, I went to ridiculous lengths to find it in others, which isolated me more.

The way I view isolation is that in my efforts to avoid isolation and attach myself to others, I ended up isolated from myself AND from any true, genuine relationships with others.

I can understand what @jeanieinnc and @hope719 describe. Whenever someone is pressing on me and/or doing something that I felt unfair to me, I withdraw and become distant... possibly there in physical form (so I can comply with whatever the other person wants of me), but detach from myself and my emotions so I can focus on being whomever I need to be to smooth over the situation.

Standing in the middle of a crowd being completely unable to speak up for yourself or what you need is a form of isolation.

I'm almost 40 years with my AH, and I was so alone in my codependent place. No one knew what I was dealing with. I took on all his shame and embarrassment. So lonely, so difficult. Now I'm older and wiser ( not wise enough to leave - but that's another discussion) I've learned this.: I don't have to keep his secret any more, I t isn't my job to protect him. When I'm honest with friends ( not just randomly everyone) anyway , when I'm honest with others I find so many of us are in similar circumstances. The isolation disappears. Now I have someone to call, or somewhere to go should I need to leave crazy for a while.

I was controlled by my mother as a child and I was controlled by my ex-wife. I was busy people pleasing and not allowing myself to express my own feelings. I therefore made some poor decisions that are not aligned to my true values. I have a tendency to push people away when they get too close, my first act of war is defense by withdrawing and avoiding, and I became very isolated from others and did not let anyone get close to me. And hence, I put people off so they will stay away from me. The 12 step program I believe will teach me to pull down the walls, make myself vulnerable, and be able to achieve real intimacy and closeness with my current partner, my children, and those around me whom I trust. By undertaking the 12 step program I am acknowledging that I have a pattern of withdraw, isolation, and avoidance in relationships. I recognize that it is un-healthy for me to continue this toxic and negative behavior.

That's really good to hear onedayhonest. I have had problems with codependency. Just starting a new love affair and had a problem that made me run and hide. Anxiety kicked in. I felt used, unwanted. Ready to just leave...

He asked me if there was something wrong. Asked if I was mad at him. I said no.

Then I realised I was being dishonest. Stealing his information. That I had to trust and say. So i told him how I was feeling, had a cry. He talked about stuff, we regained our common ground. Came back together.

Misunderstandings are a killer. I've been the one that withdraws, I've been the one withdrawn on. it's actually a very cruel thing to do to someone who is largely unaware they've upset you. So I have to not do it.

Thanks for the post.

Very interesting I recently
Discovered I could be co dependant ... my idea of isolation is in the sense of ATM I'm going thru a break up... I don't want to see or speak or even look at anyone except my ex they seem to be the only person I want to be around... and if I can't I isolate myself not on purpose but just because
I don't want anyone else around right now :(