Dear You,
Its well past twelve now and when i see you i know you will yell and bother me for coming over late. You dont take into consideration that i have laundry to do, class work to complete and the fact that i barely slept last night wondering what to do about us. You will tell me I dont love you cause its 1 o'clock and i did not want to come over and watch you sleep after your graveyard shift, that i'd rather get done things i need to even though i tell you its because i sit there and think about how you cheated on me with that girl in that room you sleep in and i have things to do. You dont care. You dont listen. Its my fault. It always is. When you wake up you will get on that video game you like and leave me to sit there some more with my thoughts. You will nag me about not playing the game even though i have played it only to make you happy and i let you know i dont enjoy it. You will tell me what a bad gf i am for not playing that damn game for hours on end like you can even though i dont force you to watch twilight with me or make you watch ghost hunters cause i know you think its dumb, and even though you never even tried to like those things for me like i did that dumb game. You will then tell me all i like to do is watch tv...even though i am watching tv to shut off my brain while you sleep and play that game. I'd rather be out with my friends but you hate them and do not want me around them unless you come. The part of that sucks is they hate you too and dont want to deal with how you treat me so they say you cant come. Now your off your video game and say we should go running. Even though i have told you i dont like to run with you. You tell me its for my own good, you want me to tighten up. You told me before it was because you thought i was fat...and you cant take it away now with your less venomous reasons. I run with you as you bark for me to run up stairs and back down and back up. If i was by myself running as i do some evening nights i'd go along the crick and day dream not be huffing and heaving upstairs. You claim i run alone so guys will hit on me when i know i run to escape the world and how you make me feel. You call out loudly about someone we run past. Some snide comment i ask you to quiet to which you reply i am censoring you. You tell me i hate you. I wont let you be yourself. When we are in our early twenties and i dont think saying nasty things to people is right...that person may have battles like me. You tell me i need to grow up. We go back home and you bother me for not wanting to do anything with you. Do you think i'm ugly? you reply. I think i am beginning to on the inside. I dont think your ugly though physically your beautiful and strong. Your the face i dreamed to be with as a child but not the man i did. I give in eventually even though i am sad, sadder then anyone could guess looking at me. We begin to watch tv again and you reply that you hate your life. You scream at your mom who screams at you about dishes. I sit there and feel sick. Your dad comes in and in a dopey way suggests you clean your room. You scream at him too. You turn and tell me you love me and that i look beautiful. It sends me reeling because of all the mixed messages. I begin to cry and you ask me why i'm sad i reply i dont know but i think you should. Dear you. I dont think i'll ever be okay until i am away from you. Yet i am still trying to find the strength to do that...you've manipulated me into codependency into undeserved guilt. I know i'm not perfect but i wonder if i deserve all this.

Sincerly Yours