I'm sorry to hear that you are at your wit's end of how to deal with such bad behavior from your husband.

You've probably already figured out from reading around the Internet that his behavior is predictable - and quite commonly typical behavior of married men when you confront them with a serious problem.

It sounds like he's dealing with it in the typical fashion of dealing with trouble when he did something wrong when he was a young boy: look very sorry; say as little as possible; admit your guilt; apologize; make yourself small and rare.

Naturally, that's not a big help in your way. His feeling sorry is not solving the problem. So the next time you confront him, then you have to "negotiate terms". That could include that he sees a therapist, or joins a self-help group, or he agrees to change some habits.

You might want to give some thought about some of his habits you don't like, in which you know they lead to gambling and possible drug consumption. For instance, you could negotiate that you have to have discuss how much money each of you is spending every week, and show up for a "family accounting meeting", in which your finances are discussed.

This is an important step - even if you already suspect he won't hold up his end of the bargin. Because it all serves to prove that you are not the one who is "too emotional" and just ditching him on a whim because you're very unhappy right now.

You could talk about this with your therapist - about negotiating with your husband for financial responsiblity. Because while you may be financially dependent on your husband, you don't have to be emotionally dependent on your husband. And you might find out that maybe you (here and there) were a little lax when it came to being a dependable person too - and this usually gives the perfect opportunity to admit it only to yourself and tidy your life up.

I say that because I was guilty of being to passive when it came to things that really mattered with my husband - tolerating his addiction by ignoring it for the longest time.

The trick is when you find explore what you can negotiate with your husband is setting goals, holding up your end of the deal, and telling him that there will be consequences when he "messes up" - because "sorry" won't cut the cake anymore. But it has to look like from your end that you are "not flying off the handle". You're not just packing up the kids and tearing off to grandma's in a huff because you're angry he "messed up again".

You don't want to give him the impression that you'll just "calm down and come to your senses" later. You have to give him the impression that you are at your good senses right now, and the consequences you threatened with have been planned and well-thought about - because you were thinking about you're childrens' welfare first, and your happiness second - and you're doing what you do because he's screwed up all of his chances.

In addition to a therapist, you need to see a lawyer. It's important because you need to get custody of your children and financial support before he "hits bottom", and leaves you penniless and deep in debt.

Thank you so much for your time.

Unfortunately you are right about him already know I will calmdown later and forgive him and accept him again. He is taking advantage of my weakness. And of course this isn't helping me at all. In fact this is truly what breaks me the most. I want to believe that I can just leave him so that he will see the consequences of all the action he took without thinking. He keeps doing what he is doing because he knows I will always soften up and accept him no matter what. Its not that I simply just forgive and forget what he has done. I am always putting it aside because I simply don't know what else to say and I don't want us to keep fighting. So after he went MIA for days, and left me sleepness at night. When he comes back, i will yell scream and cry it out to him and he will just keep quiet, act like he didnt mean what had happened and doesnt fight back nor reason out or even explain, he would always tell me, I dont know what to say i feel ashamed for what happened what I don't know how to explain or what to say...

I have control over his paycheck. It goes directly to me, he would get few dollars here and there but he would say part of the reason he likes gambling is because he wanted to be able to come out of money on his own to take care of his vices. He doesn't really believe that he owe me any explanation for his gambling addiction because he feels he is able to fulfill his financial responsibility to the family.

Which worries me about him that being able to have the desire to work as hard. I don't always feel at ease thinking about his whereabouts because I worry that he will not make it to work. there are few occasions when I felt i had enough of being detective and following him around and i am tired so decided to just let him be, let him do what he wants and just hope he will realize how much he miss me and the kids... but that always don't turn out right... he will continue doing what he is doing and missed work as well....

I feel like he has already withdrawn interest in US together. He no longer seems to enjoy spending time with me but he would rather go to his gambling friends and smoke with them. OF COURSE, right now all he sees is me nagging and nagging and crying to him how much he is hurting me so i get that he does not what to be around me because of that. He would rather avoid that. He continues to tell me he loves me but i just don't feel connected to him at all.

RIGHT NOW, although he is home. He has someone here playng pingpong with while I am here sitting alone. He is to leave for work in a few hours so we didn't even get to talk about anything today.

I do feel like my happiness depends on him. I know thats stupid andwill be so easy for anyone to say to change how i view things. HOW I WISH i could just easily forget about this guy thats making me so unhappy BUT i dont know how to do it just yet.