Why are you afraid??? He's treating you like crap and you don't want to hurt HIS feelings???

It's all about your self esteem and truly believing that you deserve respect.

I don't want to hurt his feelings.. or upset him..

This is codependency. You are upset. Why is it OK for you to be upset, violated, betrayed, and left hurt while he goes along merrily on his way breaking his wedding vows?

You are putting yourself second to him. Despite wedding vows that clearly make this WRONG in no uncertain terms.
You have the absolute RIGHT to fidelity.

What stops you from thinking about confronting him? If you can honestly answer this question, you will be on your way.

thank you, i so appreciate this.. I have not had many friends that I can open up to and going to family and friends they seem to be have a judgement about everything.. I was in alanon a few years ago now.. And I have just today started that forum as well.. I was doing so well, and stopped because he destroyed my relationship between me and my sponsor..
Your right,, he doesn't care about hurting me.. And it is about my self esteem I don't really have one.. I don't trust my own thinking right now and that is why I need this..
I am sorry if I mislead but we are not married, Common law.. I watched my mom get married 7 times.. Likely a huge connection here.. Cause I never wanted to be her.. I promised myself as a kid I wouldn't follow those steps... But now I have allowed myself to accept anything.. I have done this to myself I know.. I get it.. But I don't trust myself on how to get out of it.. If that makes sense..

It makes perfect sense. We get used to a situation and comfortable in it. Changes are hard! Allow yourself the right to be OK with staying OR leaving for some time. First, you have to just be OK with YOUR choices before you can know what changes to make.

Then consider what steps to take in moving away. Does this seem doable? What obstacles are in the way? Do you WANT to solve them?

Each day you might change how you feel 100 times or feel the same all day. The next migt be different. Give yourself the freedom and right to kuat feel how you feel in this moment.

It takes time to leave a relationship.

when i said in my reply that I didn't know how to get out of it.. I guess there is a portion of me that was talking about the relationship.. but mostly I meant the pain.. When you asked me What stops me from confronting him.. I have really sad back and wrote about that.. I am afraid of the blow up the insults and the whole confrontation.. but I am so lost and confused I don't know if I want out i just wan the pain to stop.. If that means he has to leave.. I can't afford that .. I am seriously thinking he needs his own room and space.. He can't afford living either right now.. I feel lost and I feel trapped.. thanks for listening to me... I just want to be honest about everything I am going through feelings and being stuck.. I need the most honest direction right now and I have to be honest about the situation to my self.. I have a horrible habit of not really seeing things.. ya know.. anyway thinks.. for getting me to really think again..

U are correct that I have no support in play. I was on the computer yesterday and I found that he has a twitter acct , that looks more like a porn site.. then I started digging... I found a gmail account & a yahoo account I was unable to get into them,,, but it is so funny /sad I knew he had them I had been looking for a long time.. but so much made since to me but all this time more lies... An obligation I felt toward him broke... it actually brought me peace... he has completely killed an ounce of trust I had...

Ok so last night I was crying about midnight.. I think it is expected with everything I am facing.. normal feelings.. Right..
So hubby asked whats wrong.. i can't really tell him everything yet for reasons.. safety and so on..
I tell him I am upset cause I am in a wheelchair.. i am depressed cause I am not meeting his needs..
I am expecting something like a fight, a conversation.. cut downs you know the usual..
He asked me to comment suicide with him.. WTF am I dealing with here.. any suggestions.. I have called a counselling hotline

YOu need professional help FOR HIM!
Suicide threats should NEVER be taken lightly.

He sounds very sick.

I called an emergency number and they helped... I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I have finally got family counseling booked. I have tried to avoid confrontation with him but today I said something very innocent and he threw my computer at me.. I stayed calm and did not get into the bullshit.. he thought I had something against him on it.. I am in a financial situation I cannot just leave.. I see addiction here my own codependency issues.. I did reach out to a friend to come over... cause the bagging shit around stops now he's in our bed ssleeping awesome and I am so sick I am on the fence about sleeping in the spare room... my sister would never tolerate this shit and here I sit mentally broken... Bright side I sit with my books now trying to get healthy for me.... changes are good,,, well I have decided I will be in the spare room can't believe the amount of anxiety I am feeling stepping out of the box.... thanks for just being there

Go onto whengeorgiasmiled.org It has a lot of resources.