Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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quilters4 07/02/2014

I have a 31 year old daughter who is a substance abuser.. We had her move out last week. She is staying with a family friend. My issue is I cant quit obsessing about what she is doing. Is she at the er getting drugs or did she take pills and try to overdose again. I know this is an ongoing process. If I find out she went to the er again it causes great fights and I end up saying ugly things. She has been accepted into a rehab and will start on the 16th of this month. She keeps saying she doesn't have a problem and that she goes to the er for headaches.
I have been reading books on substance abuse and families. I start the day out not obsessing, but it just seems to not go away. I also think what if something happens, I could go on and on..
Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions. I know she is in control and I cannot change her. But I still obsess over her.

deleted_user 07/02/2014

May I ask how old your daughter is? How long you have suspected her abuse of substances....what is the substance she is abusing?

hbgdaystar 07/02/2014

31 year old is a fully grown adult... I think she needs to hit her rock bottom for her to change ... u cannot change her . I would suggest focus on urself ... go to alanon or naranon groups. They help in focusing on urself

DeliAnnem 07/02/2014

Go to CODA or ALANON or NARCANON.

I remember reading about your situation earlier. I'm glad you got her out of the house so you can't enable her.

I still don't understand how they could treat her at the ER and give her those kinds of drugs for a headache. I'd kick her out and tell her to go to CVS.

deleted_user 07/03/2014

When I obsess and worry, I need to remember the Serenity Prayer. It takes me a while to remember to say it. Sometimes after I say it 5, 10, 20 times. I remind my SELF it's in Gods Hands......I surrendered it over to my Higher Power. The result isn't mine. I gave it over. If I don't I can't allow my Higher Power to do the greatest good. Not what's important for me, (My Feeeeelings.) I have to know and can say that through retrospective and objective observation of the past. I have no control. So my attempts at control over anything but my SELF is futile and won't work. I would be in the way, injecting my will back into the situation after surrendering it intrudes into my Higher Powers plan for me and the other person. If I don't let people hit their bottom, I'm keeping their addiction and dysfunctional behavior in place by thinking I'm helping, when actually I'm harming. That doesn't mean that I have to shun my friend or relative It doesn't mean I can't support them and be kind to them. They have a horrible problem. Detaching with love doesn't mean I just walk away from those who love me and I them. It means we have and use it to first Help Our Self and by doing so helps them often without a word being said. The ripple effect of your actions can change life itself. How powerful is that?

DeliAnnem 07/04/2014

I obsess over my mother.

I have come to realize that obsessing is just perseverating over things we can't control.

It's like getting stressed out that a dog isn't a cat or a tree isn't a rock.

Just as silly and just as productive.

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