Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
As most of you know...I have been separated for 5 months now....I still love him with all my heart. I have been going through hell since he left & then we were seeing eachother through November & half of December....that only made things worse. He told me not long ago that he is now seeing someone when just 2 short months ago he was still telling me that he loved me so much....
I was angry & hurt when he told me he was dating. We ended up in a huge fight. Since that time, I had changed my name back to my maiden name on my facebook that he cant see but his mom & sister could. I opened a new email account with my maiden name & deliberatly used that one if I needed to send email.
Recently, I have become more spiritual than I have ever been in my life. I actually went to church on Sunday by myself...I pray everyday & most days, numerous times for strength & guidance as to what He wants me to do...
I dont believe in my heart that our marriage is over....the problem is, I dont know if that is part of codendence & love addiction. All I know is when I ask God what I should do, I get an overwhelming feeling of "do not give up"....
I gave him a Valentine's Day card yesterday when he dropped off our daughter....and this morning I sent him a text that said "good morning. I love you." He called me at lunch time & told me that he wanted to talk to me personally about the card & text. He said that he doesn't understand why I am doing this. I told him because I love him & I dont believe our marriage is over. I told him I felt that this has happened as an opportunity for each of to detach & learn more about ourselves so that we can build a better marriage in the future. I told him that I had made vows to him & to God when I married him & I cant break those promises. I told him that I dont believe God wants us to be divorced...of course, he questioned this because I have never been religious in the slightest & I explained that I have become closer to God & more spiritual through this whole process. I told him that I believe that he thinks it's over only because he has the other woman as a distraction right now....I told him that I will be true to our marriage until I see divorce papers in front of me with his signature on them. He told me that he feels I am setting myself up for disappointment. He also said that he feels "uncomfortable" with the cards & texts & asked me to stop....
Should I stop or should I remind him every once in awhile that I am standing by him & that I love him & haven't given up on our marriage.....I am having such a hard time with this whole situation but I have faith that we are meant to be together....Am I stupid or whaT? Help!!!!!!
I was angry & hurt when he told me he was dating. We ended up in a huge fight. Since that time, I had changed my name back to my maiden name on my facebook that he cant see but his mom & sister could. I opened a new email account with my maiden name & deliberatly used that one if I needed to send email.
Recently, I have become more spiritual than I have ever been in my life. I actually went to church on Sunday by myself...I pray everyday & most days, numerous times for strength & guidance as to what He wants me to do...
I dont believe in my heart that our marriage is over....the problem is, I dont know if that is part of codendence & love addiction. All I know is when I ask God what I should do, I get an overwhelming feeling of "do not give up"....
I gave him a Valentine's Day card yesterday when he dropped off our daughter....and this morning I sent him a text that said "good morning. I love you." He called me at lunch time & told me that he wanted to talk to me personally about the card & text. He said that he doesn't understand why I am doing this. I told him because I love him & I dont believe our marriage is over. I told him I felt that this has happened as an opportunity for each of to detach & learn more about ourselves so that we can build a better marriage in the future. I told him that I had made vows to him & to God when I married him & I cant break those promises. I told him that I dont believe God wants us to be divorced...of course, he questioned this because I have never been religious in the slightest & I explained that I have become closer to God & more spiritual through this whole process. I told him that I believe that he thinks it's over only because he has the other woman as a distraction right now....I told him that I will be true to our marriage until I see divorce papers in front of me with his signature on them. He told me that he feels I am setting myself up for disappointment. He also said that he feels "uncomfortable" with the cards & texts & asked me to stop....
Should I stop or should I remind him every once in awhile that I am standing by him & that I love him & haven't given up on our marriage.....I am having such a hard time with this whole situation but I have faith that we are meant to be together....Am I stupid or whaT? Help!!!!!!
I know it is hard, and it may not be what you want, but trust me, if he doesn't want you, you don't want him.
Don't appear weak and chase him. Appear strong, confident and empowered. I'd suggest you serve him with divorce papers. The Petitioner always has the upper hand.
All my best,
OK, so you feel that God does not want you to be divorced, that you should not give up, and that you don't believe the marriage is over. I think a good way to tell whether this is part of a Codependence addiction is to pray and meditate on why you are meant to be together. Ask for God's guidance "Lord if we are meant to stay together please show the both of us how you accomplish Your will." After all, the two of you went into the marriage together and it will take the both of you to remain married together.
Just so you know you're not alone... I went thru the same grieving stage(s) when I lost my xgf, but I had to look at a couple of things...
1) I've been brought closer to God and am building a relationship to that end. I could not have had an "equally yoked" relationship with God/Christ since my xgf wasn't Christ-Centered. (neither was I at the time).
2) I changed my prayers from "God, please bring her back to ME" to "God, please bring her to YOU". I can't control her actions/reactions so I leave the control where it truly belongs... to God.
Focus on your personal growth and if your husband answers God's calling, he'll be right for you then and only then. If he doesn't answer the calling, it's best that he's away from you and your growth IMO.
Wishing you blessings,
Phoenix
i would do your best to not text him or call him unless it is about your daughter....
continue to pray and seek God during this time.
i must say, that i have seen huge growth in you over the past month...hang in there and don't give up working on yourself...keep believing in yourself and in God....and it will all work out for the best....
protect yourself and be safe...please do not set yourself up for more rejection....
huge hugs to you and as always, prayers for only the best for you...