Hi luv.

I waited a whole day before posting a reply because mine is so negative that I expected others here to post something positive first - but no.

So much for my expectations.

I am negative but I mean it in the best of ways - if possible?

My view is that too many people (like your self) simply search for a solution outside of our self, as if you go to a Therapist to do the cure, or go to a group to get a remedy or treatment, instead of actually doing it your self and instead of searching inside of your self for your own personal healing.

Many people do that so I am not attacking you, but I do suggest that you try doing the homework for your self.

We do not need to use a professional or a group. Maybe one can help but maybe not.

The professional Therapist or the groups are intended to help us to do our own work and they are not often very helpful because it feels like we are doing some thing by going to counseling or going to the group(s) when in fact we are doing nothing of merit.

The only one who can really save me is myself, and the only one who can really improve your self is your self.

As such use the library and read the psychology books and participate in the online discussions and turn to religion (not to church) and find out the facts for your self and then treat your self and heal your self.

We can help you here, but you must do your own recovery.

You can still go to any group or go to some Therapist but in any case or way we each must do the homework for our self or else it can not be done.

This is just my own perspective based on my own research and experience so take whatever you want or reject whatever you do not like as the final choices are your own.

Hmm...I agree with Booky too..but we are older...

I do think that if you want to experience what it is like to go to a counselor etc..that could be a good idea...and you may come to the same conclusion. Because I have been going for years..

I basically go to have someone to talk to because people around me are sick of listening to me. And I'm a talker.

That said, in my experience most of them just listen to me rant..don't offer much advice except a sentence here and there..and I never end up following their advice. Self help books do help me.

Psychiatrist - in my knowledge..are for prescribing medications and only spend about 15 minutes with you and its usually after you have been to a therapist or a psychologist.

A psychologist - I believe just has more "education" a higher degree than a thereapist. (cost more money)

Therapist or counselor - same degrees or similar...same treatment as psychologist.

I mainly go now because I need to talk and because I need documentation for a disability claim on my major depression. Disability does not just accept my WORD that I am majorly depressed.

For me that is the benefit too...if you start going now....you will have some documented history of possible mental illness or depression if you ever need it for any purpose in the future...say you kill someone (LOL - JOKING)

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Your results will be unique to you. Some people find a lot of value in talking to a counselor. Some require medication from a psychiatrist. Some do better in a group setting (e.g., CoDA) vs. in one-on-one discussions.

These are all potentially-good resources for you. you don't know and can't determine this until you give them a try. If talking to a professional, your ability to trust and to feel comfortable telling him/her about your thoughts and problems is more important than any degree. If attending a group, your ability to trust its members and to learn about yourself is more important than any structure.

Above all, keep in mind that these things are tools that require your input and participation. Think of it like physical fitness... joining the gym with the most and the fanciest exercise equipment or the most-knowledgeable training staff will not help you if you're not willing to go regularly, learn how to use the equipment properly, and give your best effort every time you're there.

good luck

I went to see a therapist two years ago. I put little effort in outside of our sessions and got little reward out. I expected her to solve all my problems in our hour sessions. I realise I was naive to think this, probably more lazy than naive.
I went to see a therapist two months ago. After a few sessions I stopped going. The amount of effort I was putting in outside of the sessions surpassed what she was doing and she couldn't keep up with just one session a week. Plus I felt like she was giving me bad advice and she was getting very defensive when I was talking. That is not to say I did not learn anything from going because I did and I did enjoy it most of the time. It was nice to talk to someone.
There are no groups around my town.
if I could of found a good psychologist whom I admired I may have kept going. The person I went to see was a therapist.
What I learnt is just because someone is a therapist does not mean they can help you. People are people and we all have our problems and opinions.
I would advise you to go for yourself. Try a few out and see what you think. I feel it is about finding the right people.
I will look into groups when I move away and see what they are like. There is nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Let us know how the meeting goes.

Wow....I have to say I'm surprised! I thought all of you would be using some kind of professional therapy. Seems most to "self therapy", which I think is great and I'm all for. I will try a CoDa meeting for sure next week first and see how that goes. Although I finally got my nerve up to call the person who runs the one I was thinking of going to and left a message. Nobody has called me back. :)

Misssy2: I had to laugh at "we are older" remark. I checked your profile.....and we are exactly the same age! LOL!

Love and hugs to you all! I will let you know about my meeting next week!

Thanks!

Therapists are as varied as people- some good; some bad. And remember, by nature, people who BECOME therapists tend to be very codependent...

That said, I think a professional who is outside your circle can be beneficial b/c he/she can be objective and offer a fresh perspective.

Once you get set in the right direction, it's totally possible to take a DIY approach as Booky suggests.

And like whativegot says, if you don't do work between sessions, you can expect miracles 45 minutes a week...

Good luck on your journey.

I am very pleased that some people liked my negative perspective as I really thought that it would not be well received.

I have spoken to several Therapist before and they all helped me some, and I went to the "Family Week" at the Meadows treatment center and they taught me about the codependency, so I was helped and blessed by them all, but none of them could ever comprehend or understand my family of origin and that still is a fact today. Maybe they could understand better if I could explain my family of origin better but in fact I myself can not understand my own people entirely.

For me the Meadows was the best help because they understood the codependency, while the Therapist will all claim to know about codependency but I never met one that really did know about it.

The codependency is so severely based on deception and manipulation and the control of others that most any codependent person can easily slip around any Therapy, so the only one (1) who we can not trick is our self, and so we must do the work honestly to our self or else it does not get done.

One problem that I had in the CoDA groups is that I can see that other people are NOT being sincere or true as so many are just putting on a show but no one is allowed to speak up and tell them that it is just a charade or pretense going on.

My own family of origin know very well how to sound nice and to play act wonderful to the rest of the world, but among our selves then we show our true colors of hostilities which outsiders never see.

It is easy to fool a Therapist as they have no idea of what they are really up against, and even when I honestly and directly tell them the hard ugly truth the Therapist can never grasp the meaning.

As such we each need to be our own Therapist and do our own Therapy and to thy self be true. This is also why I preach that we all really need a true relationship with the Father-God because we might even lie to our self but we can not maintain our lies to God.

Many people are co-dependent either on a therapist or in their romantic relationships. Often it's both! Until we have spiritual peace and hope, we tend to want ordinary human beings like ourselves to fill our empty spaces. Only God can do that.

Sheesh that is a tough question......

I would say it is all self realized, in the sense of, what shoe fits for you. I have been through intensive therapy when I was put into a youth shelter as a kid, at that time I found no value in it, as I was able to manipulate the entire thing.....so that was somewhat useless.

I know some friends of mine who deal with really gnarly mental/chemical issues gain a lot out of this type of help. So I think you need to measure the severity of what you are dealing with.
I am not a partied to any 12 step programs, however, use the principles myself - being a recovering alcoholic. I just find that the meetings do not generate problem solving or positive reinforcement of what i need for myself.

I guess in the end it is your call....and trying anything and everything doesn't hurt anyone :) Good luck, and I would definitely like to hear what you figured out and how it is helping you!

Thanks everyone! I find it weird that the person I called about the CoDa meetings didn't call me back. Do you think I should still go? Maybe its not on at that location any more. I am nervous to go and kinda think I might be making an excuse to myself not to go cause he didn't call back.. Have a great Mother's day to any Mother's out there!

I say to go to the CoDA meeting as it will not harm you so long as you do not attach to it as a savior.

We can some times meet cool people at the meetings, and I am glad that I went to the meeting in my area even though I never went back.

You might just be the lucky one and have some really inspired people in your area and your meetings might be great or enlightening, as we never know without trying.

You might even be lucky that the person did not call you back because he might make you feel committed to the group or to attending and I do not like having any strings attached.

My vote is that I say to go ahead and go to it.

Everyone is different!
Each person finds their own way to more healthy ways of living.

Personally, I use anything and everything that works for me. I leave the rest to those for whom it works.

Al-anon was a great help. When we observe the issues that others have, it generally points to our own problems. We get to choose to change those things within ourselves.

For a therapist, have some questions ready to which you already know the accepted answers. Ask those just to see if they are on the track that is helpful to you.

I'd show up to the coda meeting... don't use the callback as an excuse.

I went to the Caron Foundation for a week. Booky- we've got something in common! : )

I don't think a spiritual piece is necessary. I know atheists who know boundaries just fine. In fact, I'd even argue that atheists are probably the LEAST codependent. They don't rely on a God for strength.

I have a faith, but think about it... a relationship with God is inherently codependent... I think some just trade a person for an invisible entity... And I say this as a Muslim, so it's not that I am anti-religion. I just would 't want you trading a person for God and not addressing the real issues in your worldly life.

I started seeing a therapist earlier this year and it has made a positive difference for me. As others have said, I'm still doing most of the work on my own through reading, journal-writing, affirmations, and visualization, but I think of my therapy sessions as a chance to review my progress since the last session and touch base with another human being to make sure I'm not going off the deep end. I'm also making audio recordings of them (with permission), which I know will be incredibly useful and interesting in the future.

I really like the way my therapist works. He listens to my thoughts and then repeats them back to me and expands on them as if they were my own thoughts. It helps illustrate where I can decide to think differently or more deeply about myself and my life. I guess that would be defined as cognitive therapy. It works for me.

I found my therapist by searching my health insurance website for therapists who accepted my plan, and then started calling the ones who had impressive profiles until I found one who was taking new patients. It was really difficult to set the first appointment, but it was worth it.

I haven't been here for ages but for a start, I spent quite a bit of time reading here, I did LOTS of reading on my own, reading about codependency and adult children of alcoholics, all that sort of stuff. Then started seeing a gem of a counsellor who has helped me a lot- I had seen a couple of others previously who hadn't been very helpful but this one helped me a lot, and I was ready to learn and work hard at healing and getting better. Then after a while, I started going to Al-anon meetings and they have helped a lot too. I go to a meeting a week and it has been great. I think all of these things have helped me look at me and sort myself out. I started going to Al-anon to get tips on how to fix my brother, turns out I got tips on how to heal myself, haha who would have thought? Any step in the right direction is a good thing, give it a go, if it works then great, if not then try something else. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result- just try something different, it doesn't need to be anything huge, start with smaller things, just try things and see how they go. Good luck, I am so grateful for my recovery :)