Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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holidays

sassybabe11
sassybabe11
i told my so/ex that he has to leave when my son and daughter in law are here cause he does not want to be around him. he agreed but anxious about how this will work out and that i am going to be stressed and not enjoy the visit. he wants to see my grandbabies but if he is around he may make comments that are uncomfortable to all of us. its very weird. so is it better to not let him be here at all or come for gift openings? my daughter is ok with him being here and cares about him. but they could go see him somewhere else like at his daughters. that is my gut that he will make a scene and my daughter in law will not stay here if he is here. and i understand her somewhat cause he is a shit stirrer and causes problems with them. i have to let this all go and do what is best for me and my family. makes me dread what i should be looking forward to. am sure many others are having thoughts about the holidays and the stress around it with those that dont get along. WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST DO WHAT IS RIGHT AND GET ALONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. comments appricated.
charliegirl29
charliegirl29
Go with your gut :-). He is your ex and you have a solution to the issue:-). It would not be very interesting if we all got along :-)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have to agree. You know what you need to do. You've done it before. At least now you have your answer - what would happen if you took him back. You worked so hard to get where you were - hate to see you slide back into despair. You have your whole family to be with, so don't let him ruin the rest of your life. He's obviously not going to change, and you can't go around running interference for him every time he's around your family. That is just way too stressful. Give yourself some sanity for Christmas!!! And enjoy the grandkids!
LeafOnTheWind
LeafOnTheWind
One of the big lessons that I have learned this year is that I cannot change or control anyone else. I can not change the way another person behaves, I can not change the things I don't like about them, I can't make them be someone different to who they are. I can however control how much time I spend with that person. If someone is driving me crazy these days with their inappropriate behaviour and comments, then I realise that it is probably because we are actually pretty incompatible and don't have common values and I am trying to take that as my sign to put some distance between me and them. Ha ha, it has never actually occurred to me to do this before! Instead I would complain about them and feel hurt by them and wish that they would change but I have to say, that got me nowhere because they never did change!

Given that you can't change this man or control the way he behaves, given that he is going to behave the way he wants and is going to make those inappropriate comments regardless of what you do or how much you try to stop him, do YOU want him with you for any of the festivities with your family? As Charlie says, you need to go with your gut on that one...
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
wow great comments thanks so much. yes it is true that i have the choice to not to be around him and not have him around my family. venting about him is helpful but does not get to the root cause of the problem that i have with myself and him. i let myself get all wound up in this entire situation and need to just step back and look at it objectively and do what is best for me and my family. without guilt or second guessing myself or my intentions