Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Really struggling today. My wife is a meth addict and we are recently seperated by her choice as I was interfereing with her habit and denial.
Everytime I get myself to a reasonable spot where I am making progress I think where she is at and the guilt drives me right back down.
Everytime I get myself to a reasonable spot where I am making progress I think where she is at and the guilt drives me right back down.
I have recently started to see a counsellor and I know that one of her first reponses to something like what you have written above would be 'Why are YOU feeling guilty?' Step back and look at it logically, it really doesn't make sense that you are the one feeling guilty here.
Your wife is making bad decisions, she is the one who chose to separate, you are NOT responsible for her choices. One of the things that I have started to constantly remind myself of is :I am NOT responsible for other people's circumstances; I AM responsible for my own circumstances.
I can relate very much to what you are saying about wondering where she is, I have worried myself sick about my brother and I understand very well what you are saying. But I really have NO control over his decisions and I do believe it is the same with your wife. They are going to make those decisions regardless of whether or not we are worrying ourselves sick about them.
I think that all the stressing and worrying and wondering where they are and what they might be doing and how bad things must be for them- all this does is help us to feel as though we are going crazy. When I stop and look at it, I am actually amazed at how much time I spend focusing on my brother, worrying about how awful things must be for him, and thinking about that stuff only ever leads to me feeling like crap. I am also amazed at how LITTLE time I spend focusing on me and how I feel and what I can do to help myself feel better. And again, if I step back and look at it rationally and logically, this is really silly because worrying about him achieves nothing, and worrying about myself can actually achieve a lot so the balance really needs to change! So now whenever I find myself worrying and stressing about him and starting to go down that crazy path, I stop myself and turn the focus back to me, how am I feeling, what do I think I can do to help myself here? It has actually made a big difference to how I feel.
I wish I had more to offer her but these are just a couple of things that have made a difference to me. I feel for you, I really do. I also think that this separation could be a good chance for you to step back and have some space from the whole crappy situation, it is a good chance for you to focus on YOU and your own physical and emotional health. Lots of good wishes to you :)