Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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stefanie68 04/02/2011

My partner needs medical attention for a kidney issue yet refuses to seek it. Coming up with excuses. We are both in the medical field so we know what needs to be done but my partner will not do it. I'm tired of it. For the past 6-8 weeks my partner whines in pain yet doesn't do anything about it. I'm trying to remain loving and sympathetic but it's hard when she will not do what she needs to do to take care of it. I'm listening to her moan and complain of the pain. When I say let's go to the ER, she makes an excuse not to go. I have told her it makes no sense to continue in pain and missing out on our plans but she has yet to budge. I'm very close to telling her "stop bitching then! If you don't care enough to take care of yourself, then why should I? You make me feel like my opinion means nothing to you! Swallow your false pride and arrogance and do what you need to do ALREADY!!!" Now that is what my ego would like to say. But I know better than to react in this way.

Suggestions and HELP needed before I my Ego takes control.

God bless us all.
Stef

deleted_user 04/03/2011

Well, as always, there is more than one option... you could ignore the whining and carry on with your plans on your own - invite a friend or family member and say you want to dine out/go on holiday with someone who can get through the day/week without an emergency trip to the ER or something. Or you could force her there, literally get her in the car under false pretences then pull up outside the hospital. Or you could call her doctor. Or you could say "you know what, I deserve better than this" and tell her it's over.

My "dear" husband recently went through something similar with a severe medical condition... I was very angry that he was refusing medical help, interrupting our plans, and still whining. He got there in the end, but sometimes I wish I had just left him to it and gotten on with my day. (With the aim of subtly influencing him to get help himself, since I wasn't there to care for him).

A friend of mine had a husband with adult onset insulin dependent diabetes (it can happen), and he knew very well what it was, but the only way she got him to a doctor was when he was semi-comatose and couldn't put up a fight. He went to the ICU by ambulance and was there for 48 hours with a central line, you name it. BG level over 40 (sorry I use the european measure, not sure what it converts to in the US). The target range is 3-8, so that gives you the idea. So yeah, depending on what exactly the medical condition is, he will end up in hospital one way or another.

deleted_user 04/04/2011

can understand the frustration. i have a winer that drives me crazy. i think that you if have never said these things to her maybe you should. maybe she needs to hear this ti jar her into reality. she is dragging you down and causing you alot of anger. why do you know better than to react that way? maybe telling her how you feel is needed. i know that i have had to do this and of course it causes stress, but he shuts up so that i can focus on my life instead of all his issues that he often brings on himself. hope this helps. it is very hard to ignore this and feel ok i know. cause they drag you down

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