Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I went to my 2nd Al-anon meeting and I started to work the steps. I'm on the 4-5th step. I recently realized I am codependent however it has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol addiction. My codependence has to do with a friend. She is not toxic. She is one of my best friends. She is a positive influence in my life. Anyway I decided to post my 4-5th step on here as a part of telling another human being since I have to much shame to actually share this with my loved ones.
Here goes...4th step
Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves: As a result of the sexual abuse I was exposed to at the age of 9 and telling my mother about it, I learned to isolate myself. My mother wasn't aware of how to deal with the abuse. She did however confront him and the abuse stopped. No one in my life is aware of the pain and shame I suffer with. I have been to a therapist but find myself finding things out on my own much quicker. I expect to open up in the al-anon meetings but I have not reached that point yet. I keep so much inside. I'm amazed how much a project onto others including and especially my friend. I realize its me and not her. I have to keep this image of strong confident woman. Although in many areas of my life I am, there is room for improvement. I question my decisions although they usually turn out to be right for me. I have become aware of what I do and why I do it. I even know what I need to do to fix it. Practicing the principles is the difficult part. Dealing with the negative thoughts that have no truth to them what so ever takes a lot of energy. I live my life according to other peoples needs and wants. I tend to shut out my own. I have started to detach from my friend. I'm starting to do things I want to do. I'm starting to live my life according to my needs and wants. Its a slow process.
I'm so ashamed of my thoughts and my past that I can't bring myself to ask my loved ones for support in fear of being judged or percieved as weak or crazy. I already feel like damaged goods. I realize they are only thoughts with no truth to them.
5th step...Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being (you guys) the exact nature of our wrongs.
Please give me feed back. I need it. I need the support of my DS peeps. God bless you all...
stef
Here goes...4th step
Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves: As a result of the sexual abuse I was exposed to at the age of 9 and telling my mother about it, I learned to isolate myself. My mother wasn't aware of how to deal with the abuse. She did however confront him and the abuse stopped. No one in my life is aware of the pain and shame I suffer with. I have been to a therapist but find myself finding things out on my own much quicker. I expect to open up in the al-anon meetings but I have not reached that point yet. I keep so much inside. I'm amazed how much a project onto others including and especially my friend. I realize its me and not her. I have to keep this image of strong confident woman. Although in many areas of my life I am, there is room for improvement. I question my decisions although they usually turn out to be right for me. I have become aware of what I do and why I do it. I even know what I need to do to fix it. Practicing the principles is the difficult part. Dealing with the negative thoughts that have no truth to them what so ever takes a lot of energy. I live my life according to other peoples needs and wants. I tend to shut out my own. I have started to detach from my friend. I'm starting to do things I want to do. I'm starting to live my life according to my needs and wants. Its a slow process.
I'm so ashamed of my thoughts and my past that I can't bring myself to ask my loved ones for support in fear of being judged or percieved as weak or crazy. I already feel like damaged goods. I realize they are only thoughts with no truth to them.
5th step...Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being (you guys) the exact nature of our wrongs.
Please give me feed back. I need it. I need the support of my DS peeps. God bless you all...
stef
two meetings, and your on your fourth step?...sheeeesh i wish mine had been that fast...
good luck to you......those two steps do take an AWFUL amount of courage.
In my case,I get your fears and isolation feelings. Although not the same issue,years ago I dealt with a stillbirth(full term). Although this(and with sexual abuse)these things have been "out there" for a long time,people still have difficulty(like your mother) in knowing how to comfort and guide us when we're hurting,feeling ashamed(I believed the cord knotting was all my fault for years). I did try to reach out to people,but I got the most ignorant and sometimes most insensitive things said that I shut down from the world in talking openly.
Forgive your mom for her lack of understanding. As in stillbirth,while these terrible things happen,people in general aren't taught how to respond when/if this ever occurs. My own mother was sexually molested(incest)when she was growing up. None of us kids growing up knew how to heal her heart and make her see how wonderful and beautiful she was to us. She has never sought out help on healing,and unfortunately her outbursts and lack of self esteem makes us kids(all adults)feel hurt and frustrated in her lack of connecting with us.
I've always believed shame and guilt should have no place with innocent bystanders. You can't change the past,but with time and self love,you can learn to remove the emotions of the situation and see it as a moment in time. I've done quite a lot of this concerning the physical and emotional abuse I dealt with growing up.
Sending many deserving hugs your way!
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I go to Al-Anon too but for other reasons. I still have a destructive and addicted relative.