In two day\'s from now I have a hearing to possibly have my bond revoked. This addiction has caused me to loose everything, a great job for the government, my car, my home, my husband, mental health and self esteem. I have been trying again to get clean since January 2006. I\'ve been to several rehabs and in between have lost my mother after an eight month stay in a nursing home and then 2 months later my oldest son in a car accident. That was the hardest time. I wanted to go so bad and be with them. But here I sit typing this in hopes it will help relieve some anxiety. See my mother was my oldest brother\'s main caregiver (he is mentally retarded) and I have brought him to live with me after her death. My bond is possibly going to be revoked because I failed to attend some therapy sessions that the federal government probation department has me attending. I have relapsed a few times and that is why I am in this jam. I was a letter carrier and was caught with junk mail in my garbage. 244 pieces to be exact. 27 of which were first class. That is why I may possibly go to jail on Thursday. I have no prior record however the government does not accept the detaining of junk mail and I must accept my consequences. I have suffered by the loss of that fantastic job (this happened three months after my son\'s death). I found I could not get my job done. I had already exhausted my family leave earlier that year during my mother\'s illness and death and they still fired me after a lengthy grievance process. I now work at McDonalds for $7.15 per hour and actually like running the register and meeting the wonderful customers that frequent there. What is so hard to accept is the fact that I truly am SO much better than I was two years ago. I used every day, twenty-four hours a day if possible and at times was up for days at a time. Why do the authorities not look at the progress I have made since then. Why does that not count. I had 4 months clean a year ago, then alot of 8 day clean times, sometimes even 12 days or 16 days and then even recently before this hearing was scheduled 42 days. Don\'t they understand that is a MIRACLE for ME. Praise Jesus.......thank you God for what I have learned thru all of this. Please I beg of you to please pray for me and think about me at 1:30 pm on Thursday that they do not put me in jail and make my innocent brother go to an institution......Don\'t pity me, they have given me many chances, but please pray for me that God keeps me strong and does not let my mental health get any worse than it is today. God bless....Stay Strong and remember I know what you suffer thru...........Tina