I was born and raised in lonodn and alot of kids in my area would do drugs for what seems like fun from the outside but they had a reason.
they would do drugs due to stress, family fights, or jealously
I come from a respectable family and some of my friend didnt even have £5 to go out on the weekends, and they saw that my parents would give me some money to spend on the weekend and this shocked them.
they would spend any money they had on drugs and would hang out in the park, but for me i wanted to go places. I started to smoke, discretley hiding in blind spots in the park. I startd to do weed, and then all A class drugs. by the time i was 15 I Was doing all drugs and i didnt enjoy it at all and i woudl be stressed all the time, and i was avicious circle, i was hopeless. i got avrage graded at high school enough to go to college. this added to my stress because I knew i could do better and i had a lot of pressure frm my famly to stop going to the park. at that time i was using crack cocaine everyday and heroin to come down. and also dealind with the dealers who would also not give me what i paid for and not being able to do anything about it. I eventually stopped everyhting totally, and i went to university and i didnt smoke or do any drugs for over 10 years. my past was behind me and i woudl remember how the drugs would effect me, I also became religious, and people who looked at me had no idea of my past and thought i was just an innocent kid who probally is from india and cant speak english or who is blinded by religion i am not cultured
i then went rhrough life with not many friends, or friends who would at least call me , and i was drug free till the age of 30, when i started to smoke just o see how it felt again. my mother also became ill and i started gambling 5 years prior.
i then started to use cocaine, daily but in very small amounts, i also stopped for months and then started again. after my mother died I also used cocaine and my heart would not stop , so i took some medication for my heart and i googled it and found out that it is a lethal mix, and I was not scared of dieing.. but i didnt die. i ocassoonally use cocaine and speed to help me focus but it doesnt work so i stopped.
I belive i can stop if u just make friends.. but that is also hard for me. and i am too old now, and will also face racism
I have joined many dating sites online, at work all i hear is how they get dates from these sites and they even bpast and show me the messages but for me it doesnt work probaly because i look religious, so people have not come very far to accept me and want to ignore me even if i am good for them.
My dad died 3 weeks ago, and it was the most earth shattering thing that's ever happened to me. I drank more often than i care to admit, and i did cocain as often as i could. honestly? it's fun as shit. but now, i've done it every day since my dad passed, and whether or not it's good for you, i'm still wondering if it's happening because i'm dealing with a death in my life, or because i'm dealing...
I'm seriously thinking about not ever going back and posting anything on the Breakups and Divorce community- i thought i was depressed before- instead of support - they are totally calling me names and making me feel the way i did before i joined this site- worthless and horrible..... u know just makes me think if others think this way of me- maybe i really am.....