Sounds to me like you might need to get some counseling for the sexual abuse you experienced. It is difficult to stay sober if you have a traumatic life incident that constantly plays over in your mind. Most of all you need to get into to substance abuse counseling and build a support network through cocaine anonymous. It is not something that you can fix or tackle alone. Many other people have gone through similiar situations. And it is o.k. to need some help. Look in your local phone book to find some treatment centers in your area. Alot of programs have government funding to help lower the cost of treatment. I am a drug counselor and our facility cannot refuse anyone for not being able to pay. All they have to do is get in, get better, and then make arrangements to pay their bill once they leave. You can be successful if you are sincere about change and willing to do anything to do anything that is suggested to you. Best of luck...

Agree with what chericline suggested and in addition suggest to also look for alternative recovery programs as well. If the 12 step does not fit.
It is is uncomfortable listen to your voice. There is smart recovery, mindful recovery, 16 steps to empowerment designed for Women....Women's shelter have loads of info on all of what you have been through. Been there myself...sexual abuse at age 7 drugs age 10 for about oh 30 years!!!! "Worked" the program and was heavily involved in P.R and starting new groups for a time they made sense,however; I grew beyond the steps...some stay with the steps some move on....listen to your voice....talk to counselors about alternatives...and empowerment ideologies with 2 dimensional focusing. (not to put down 12 steps just remember there is alternatives as well) one does not fit all...its it too diverse!