I found this site last year while searching to understand my husbands struggles in an effort to help him as well as myself. This site has helped me so much. We have been married almost 4 years. The first was wonderful. Then crack took its hold on him again. I didnt realize he had a habit at the magnitude he did before we meet. The first year we were together, he didnt use crack. I know when it started up again. Last December was the first time he ever went to rehab. He was only there 3 weeks. He got out and thought he could make it on his own. I wish he would go to a support group. Just 2 days ago, he finally agreed to look at this site. It hasnt happened, yet. It is extremely hard to be supportive and not give up hope. He is out getting high right now. I know he wants to stop. It has been an almost every day occurrence now for about 4 months and not much better than that before then. I also have both of my brothers also struggling with crack addiction. I get very angry and have focused my anger at the suppliers. I have all their numbers. Sometimes I think they allow him to call them over and over before they call him back because they get off on it in some sick way. I know its not them I should be angry with. Its him. Ive never seen a person hang their head in such shame. Its heart breaking. We dont fight anymore about it much. Yes, he used to start arguments as an excuse to get away. I could eventually see right through it and called him on it. I would also get angry and yell and scream. Then I realized, in my case anyway, that it only pushed him farther away. Depression has also become an issue for me. Ive lost my goals. Its like Im smothering in a fog. But in the past few days it has gotten a little better. I understand what youre going through and Im sorry. (I hear that word a lot too). I need him so badly. But he cant help me with what Im going through. He is the cause of it. Ive gotten through that just recently.. I know Ill be okay.

I understand what being an addict is, and looking back, I know that I was incapable of maintaining a healthy and loving relationship while using. I tried, but the addiction came first...always.

I kind of think he has to help himself, and that your life is too precious to watch it wither away in his shadow.

Can you either confirm my suspicions, or tell me I am crazy? I dated my XBF on and off for 42 months. When he recontacted me in April, 2013 after a 20 month absence, I wondered if, and hoped that, he had conquered his gambling demons. I visited him in July, 2013, and we had a wonderfully romantic time, with no evidence of the resident demons. However, a mere 6 weeks later, he went off on a "sexual experimentation/fantasy" tangent when he was to visit me in my home state. Long story short: he alleged that he was going to spank me repeatedly because I allegedly displeased him in July. No S/M control/domination/manipulation issues had manifested themselves previously. When we met up, I candidly asked him if he was doing crack. He repeatedly denied using crack -- all the while he was angry, irritated, sweating (it was about 75 out), and appeared like "no one was home upstairs; his hands were tremoring, his mouth was drawn into rictus (a spasm), and he was perseverating the same phrase over and over again, in addition to not making any sense when he could put together a sentence. By the time I returned home, he blocked me from contacting him on our e-mail accounts, and sent a somewhat abusive e-mail. Other than saying, "you are better off without him", do I correctly infer that he is using crack? I have read that sexual fantasy/experimentation is part of the usage checklist. Thanks for reading.

Sounds like meth or crack, and sounds like he's smoking it.

That's just a really uninformed hunch.

Thanks for your insight. It sounds pretty informed to me. I forgot to add that XBF's weight has dropped from probably 160 to max. 140...skeletally sad.

I am actually glad that I came across this post. I have been going through the same for 5 years now. I am unsure why I still stay. It's like I am addicted to him. He recently took our whole $3000 income tax and went on a 6 day binge with it. Everything between us has changed. I hate him so much for the things that he has put me through and for not appreciating the way that I stand beside him. The things you wrote about the depression and anxiety and losing your goals is so true. I feel like a went slowly down hill since we have been together. It's so crazy but with all that said he can make me feel better than anyone that I've ever known. I am so lost. I am tired of the lonely nights and the worrying.

Alta: it sure sounds like crack my friend was the same way when he was high. anyway I would like to say for anyone that is with someone that is a user/addict the only way you can help the person is if the person wants help and is willing to do something about their problem right away not 2 days later or next week it has to be right away. I as an Ex-Addict would say what ever the person wanted to hear just to make it to the next day only to change my mind and walk away.

You can't make a person change he has to want it himself/herself if they can't get help with in(1) day then there's a good chance their not ready. don't let them tell you well it's the weekend nothing is open the ER is always open and they will get the ball rolling there is always a hotline if they wont go their not ready.

Stop killing yourself by staying with an addict they will bring you down just as their bringing themselves down and as an user we don't care ((at the time)) don't get me wrong I hated what I was doing but I was unable to do the right thing at the time when I found the help I needed I felt like crap for what I put my family through. and I've made things right to a point ! it will never be the same but I have my whole family back my life and so much more.

Good luck I hope this come's off in the right way but when it come's to addiction don't let someone burn down the house with you in it per-say.

I wonder if someone can help me. Hi I am new to this site. I would like some information / assistance on how to deal with a dilema. I dated a cocaine addict for 6 months. We never really committed to each other & I suspect I was just a means to an end for him..... using my car etc.. etc... He is a wonderful artist but I suspect he lives from one painting to the next to support his habit. He "snorts" cocaine & says he has 1 gram a day, is he lying about the amount he uses. He has no tv, no car & no furniture & sleeps on a mattress on the floor. Previously he earned a lot of money, drove nice cars & had a nice home until he got divorced about 6 to 7 years ago. His nose is constantly runny, dry mouth & scratches his hands a lot. I do notice his moods change - he will scream at me for no reason - totaly out of the blue & say such cruel things to me & not even apologise. He met a new lady about 1 month ago who lives in a different city. He hooked onto her as he has always wanted to live in the city she lives in - cheaper rental etc.... He says he is moving to clear his ways but him & i did spend a weekend in this city last year - he stayed an extra 2 weeks to get "clean". I found a msg on his phone when he had only been in this city for 2 days & already found a dealer. My question is... are cocaine addicts abusive & cruel - together with his drinking. Will he change for this lady. Thanks so much, i would be so grateful if someone could give me some advice. ::