welcome back...one thing about lessons they are invaluable,,when they are learnt they can last a lifetime..i had a simular situation with a breakup i came close as anyone can come to using without..i wanted to escape flee that pain..but with these yrs of recovery under my belt and the continual process of working steps over and over i have learned when u want to run thats time to reach out..call everyone u can for support,use honesty and put away pride and let it all out dont try and carry it alone..i know if i did i wouldnt be here tonight..we have to continue to raise our spiritual bar ,grow bigger and better networks of support along the way...and meetings even if u dont feel like a meeting they help...when ur higher powers putting people out of ur life its because hes opening doors to put new and better people in..close the door on unhealthy and seek healthy relationships and put some spiritual guidelines on them...dont give the room in ur head to someone without care or empathy for u...happiness will come but we could be missing it in the wrong situations..all this was given to me today in a meeting so im sharing it with u because it helped me so much to see how i wasnt looking at the whole picture..thats why i keep coming back and no matter what we DONT have to use if we have truly surrendered..

Welcome back,
It's behind you now,that's why it's called relapse.You have started again,with new information that you can add to your experience, strength and hope.
We are great at punishing ourselves,convincing ourselves we are bad people.There is always going to be a situation we have to rise above.There seems to be one way of accomplishing this;forgiveness of self.Very hard to do,but with practice,our self esteem rises.
You made it back,you are attempting recovery andyou still have a grasp on your emotions.Gratitude starts here.Knowing you are not a bad person trying to be better,but a sick person trying to get well,should help put those feelings of disappointment in their place.
Congratulations on your first week!!!

hey well done on a week and keep going, i can really relate to the bitter disappointment of a relapse, but ya know it will get better! now i see people who have relapsed and dont come back for a year or more, or dont come back at all, people who relapse and die! now that definatly puts things in perspective for me. remember this diesease of addiction wants to tell you your worthless, crap and to isolate but WE can recover there is a solution and when i have lost all faith and all strength thats when i need the rooms the most because someone will give me strength and someone will be believe in me.

take care xxxxxxxxxx

You said:
"I hate that I threw all that time of sobriety away but I have learned my lesson. I am now one week sober. I feel like such a disappointment. "

You did not throw away anything, it is a journey and you will have moments of triumph and moments of tragedy. We are human, bound to make mistakes and we are often our own worst enemies.

don't beat yourself up, or it will keep you from moving forward.

Peace!

Thank you all so much for your support. I feel so much better after reading all your kind words.

dont beat ur self up!!!!!!!day by day!!!hour by hour!!!min by min!!!!hang in there!!!dont give up on ur self!!!i wont give up on u!!!!!!

Thank you. I am taking it slowly. I have been sober for one month and 8 days and so thankful for that.