Cleft Lip / Palate Support Group
Cleft is a congenital deformity caused by a failure in facial development during gestation. It can be treated with surgery shortly after birth with highly successful results. Cleft occurs in somewhere between one in 600 and one in 800 births. Cleft occurs in several severities and is divided in two major categories: cleft lip and cleft palate.
i was out last nite for afew drinks. Last Sunday this girl that ive quite liked made a move on me. but then slept with my best friend after. its been going through my head constantly with my head telling me im ugly or i dont deserve her n all these feelings about them kissing behind my back and about my feeling generally unworthy and no matter how hard i try and how nice a guy i am im always gonna be choosen last. so her best friend phoned us up to come out for drinks and i go out and shes their n soo is my best m8 and afew of my mates. round some small table n everytime i looked at one of them my head would say their looking at your funny or call them a sluts r shit like that. is that a major fear that if i open up to people il be afraid il get hurt. i also have this other voice that constantly puts me down. it normally happens in social situations and gets worse around girls. i no i should try and not let it bother my but it is so intense and i feel like this just think im the inferior 1 with the cleft lip. I really dont understand this world. i really try hard to think postive and not judge people and not think in a poor me way when im out the anxiety n feeling of paranoia is horrid. Anyone else know what to do in these situations. being seeing a physcologiest n what ive read paranoia is pretty hard to deal with. makes you untrusting defencive aggressive ajitated. like most of the time there probably not thinking what your thinking or saying anything or judging you but its like an automatic defense that comes on. im trying 2 accept my cleft as much as i can. when i get thoughts like think how good your life woulda been if i didnt have it or stress free it would be jeeeez. Thank god i got all that out. no1 understands more than you guys not even my mum
I'm afraid I can't offer a direct tactic for what to do in those situations. Sometimes I've felt like I was used to make somebody else jealous, such as if I was in your shoes with the girl who made a move on you yet ended up with your friend that night. However I don't think she would have made a move on you if she didn't consider you a possibility. Yeah it sucks to be that guy, but you won't always be. The best thing I think is to shoot for being able to laugh it off, including your own insecurity about your face. Everybody has insecurities. It might be a little harder for you to get past it, but there are definitely people out there who will see past it or not even notice.
Humor and positivity are super attractive qualities, so the more you develop them, including to view your cleft positively and present that view if it should ever come up, the better your appeal. As for hesitation, I can't really offer any ideas there as it's always been a particular challenge for me. Just get yourself in the right state of mind I guess.
My best friend used to use guys all the time and then drop them like a bad habit when she found a new toy to play with. She had a lot of insecurities about herself, especially when it came to guys. She felt really horrible about playing these guys like fools, but she continued to do it because a lot of guys that she liked would only be nice just so they could hook up with her. I'm sorry that you ended up being the guy who got played, but it's not your fault and you shouldn't conjure up such negative thoughts. She's the one missing out, not you.
A lot of people have some type of anxiety when they're in social situations, so you shouldn't feel alone in that sense. When I see someone who is having a hard time being social, I usually try to break the ice with them so they don't feel like the black sheep of the group. Maybe it's just me, but I feel bad when someone feels uncomfortable; I like to make sure everyone feels included. It also helps in easing my anxiety in social situations. Plus, I try to distance myself from people who have a tendency to make me feel like shit or super anxious in social situations.
You had a rainy day, but you'll see sunshine too later, I'm sure.
I recognized a lot from my own life experience comparing to yours.
Are your friends very handsome and attract always the opposite sex in bars? If so, don't go to bar with them, because you will not be picked. Would you pick the most beautiful girl from the group of girls, if you had the choice? Probably, that is just a human way. You improve your chances, if you can show character and personality that is better than others seem to have. That is just the way it goes in life. The younger, the unhappier. When you grow older, your life may get easier and you may not be so so critical an anxious about yourself.