Cleft Lip / Palate Support Group
Cleft is a congenital deformity caused by a failure in facial development during gestation. It can be treated with surgery shortly after birth with highly successful results. Cleft occurs in somewhere between one in 600 and one in 800 births. Cleft occurs in several severities and is divided in two major categories: cleft lip and cleft palate.
Hey everyone, I am so happy to have found this group. I am 30 and have never really met anyone with a cleft. I always hear how it’s a very common birth defect, yet I feel so alone having it.
It has caused me a lifetime of depression and anxiety, which contributes to my lack of drive to have meaningful relationships with people. So I am living at my moms house as a recluse in hopes of avoiding literally everyone. I think I do pretty good still for how severe my depression and anxiety are. I have two more years left until I graduate university and can hopefully work somewhere more fulfilling than what currently do. It’s mostly been online classes, so I am scared to have to physically go to class in order to finish. The thought of group projects makes me want to never go to class, but It’s something I’ll have to do eventually if I ever want out of my mothers house.
Anyways....
It is shocking how hard it’s been to even find a support group for people with clefts. Everything seems to mostly be geared towards supporting PARENTS of children born with clefts and not the actual adults living with this condition.
So a little about my cleft:
I only had a cleft lip and not palette, but the roof of my mouth goes way up like it wanted to be cleft, too. When I was younger I had constant ear infections due to the shape of my ear canal on the cleft side. I’ve only ever had one surgery. Growing up my parents made a lot of empty promises about getting another surgery, but as I got older they just didn’t seem to care. I didn’t have parents who were attentive, caring, or even interested in helping me live my best life with this condition, so as an adult the remnants of my defect are very much there and affect me daily.
I am not someone who views this condition as part of me, and I am sad and resentful about it. I’m always in a state of “why me” which I can’t stand about myself, but also can’t help. Other people with clefts I’ve seen (YouTube videos, etc) seem to accepting of their defect, so it feels like something is wrong with me because I can’t accept it. Does anyone else have this internal battle?
Anyways, this is getting long and I wasn’t sure what to say. I’m just happy I might of found a place to connect with people who have the same defect as I do.
please don’t hesitate to message me if you want to talk.
Until next time, cheers!
I've had like, 10+ surgeries (not sure exactly how many) and really don't like them. After 22 years of of this internal struggle, I am considering getting more surgeries to part ways with it. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I have an appointment scheduled with a surgeon coming up this month. There is nothing wrong with you for not accepting it. It is, after all, a defect. It took me a very long time to come to terms with that, and I'm not sure I'm even 100% there yet. It affects me daily too.
If you have any other questions, or just want to talk, feel free to PM me. Hope I helped.
I do see my cleft as a part of me in some ways. Other ways it is definitely not. I'm not sure if I carry a genetic marker or if it was other circumstances.
However, if I ever had a child, I would absolutely not want my child to Inherit such a thing. In that sense it is not a part of me that I like or am proud of.
I poured most of my insecurities into ambition. I might be ugly as a mud pie but damnit I'm guna be better and more successful then anyone that ever made me feel insecure. My own issues pushed me to do the opposite. I was Competitive. I had to be the first one to move out of my parents house. I had to be the first one to get a job and I had to be the first one to start a business. I had to prove probably more to myself than anyone else, that I CAN be better than Joe shmo. No.. I am better than Joe shmo. Maybe not a healthy way to deal with it, but it lead me up a stairway of confidence lol.
I can't say I'm 100% OK with my cleft, but most days it doesn't bother me now. My voice sometimes act up but it's not the same as it was even back a few years ago, and I put less pressure on myself too, I reckon. That said, there's still some times when it all comes back to the surface, even for stuff that happened more than a decade ago and is so removed from my life now...
I also happen to be alone most times, since I've been dealing with social anxiety since age 14. I really regret not having much fun and developing relationships in my teens and early 20s. My only friends are my siblings and my family mainly. And I've recently left home for a second time to pursue a webdesign bootcamp so it's a bit tough.
At least you're going places with that college education, kudos to you. I think it's a great idea if you can get some gradual exposure to groups and social situations since you'll be more accostumed to it when you'll get to leave home.
Wish you the best.
My name is Patrice and I was born with a bilateral cleft lip on my left side I read your post and seen that we have similarities the only thing is that I'm 36 years old I used to stay with my mom also until I my husband and I met and years later we had are children. I never was tested for depression or anxiety but I think I have depression and anxiety issues I hardly ever want to be around other people for the fact that they think I retarded and I so antisocial that my vocabulary and grammar is so low for staying to myself you like ten years or more of being to myself and what make it worst me and my spouse have a good connection but his friends and family think I retarded because I don't socialize and when I do talk I have this nasal sound that make them think that more. I'm thinking about going to speech therapy and get braces to help with the nasal sound it makes me feel good to know there's other out in the world like me hope to speak to you again :0)