I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having a hard time. My son is only four so we havnt had to go through that yet. It is so sad how mean kids can be. Any little thing that makes somebody different seems to make them an easy target for such mean people. I will keep your daughter and your family in my prayers. Im sure your daughter knows how much her family and friends love her and someday she'll figure out that it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. I know it is hard to see your kids suffer in any way. My dad really is an inspiration for me, when he was younger he was almost half blind so he wore really thick glasses, he had silver caps on all of his teeth, and he wore leg braces like forrest gump. He got made fun of almost all of his life, now my dad is one of the strongest most wonderful people that I know. He has so many great qualities. He had it rough when he was young but He is such a great person now, that makes me know that My kids are going to make it through the tough times and be better people for it in the end. Just tell your little girl that everyone gets made fun of for something in their lives, Tell her not to let those people control how she feels, they are just mean. Someday shell be all grown up and she wont even remember those peoples names.

I know what your daughter is going through. I was born with a cleft lip and palate and was also teased mercilessly for it. I've had that same surgury, and many more. I'm 18 now, starting college soon, and I've gained a lot of insight on what really matters. I don't know how you feel about it, but if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to your daughter. Maybe it will help for her to talk to someone that can relate.

At the age of 57, I would like to think that the teasing I took as child, was over and done with. Sadly, it is not. People poke fun at what they cannot understand.

I can say, that the experiences I had as a child, rough or not, made me the person I am. In many ways I think I have an advantage over those who seemed to have things easier.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. A fighting spirit can become a winning spirit!

Barbara Grow, complete unilateral cleft lip and palate. Most importantly; wife, mother, teacher.

tell her to stay positive and keep her focus her energy on positive things...i know how she feels but i always remind myself that i'm just as normal as my peers in spite of how i look...tell her to have fun and enjoy her teen years because they're too fun and she shouldn't let those years and opportunities pass her by because of her looks. true beauty lies within so people will see what a wonderful person she is. i'm a junior in college and the teasing doesn't go away or get easier, but people manage to look past my appearance and see me for the person I am. and if they can't get past her appearance then they're not worth her time. her peers will accept her but she has to accept herself and her appearance first.

Hey i know it can be hard being the mother or the one with a cleft palate/lip i am a 17 year old girl that has cleft palate no cleft lip though but i know it can be hard , so i wish the best to you and your daughter , i know its hard

Your daughter will be fine,
She will get through all of it..i'm sure she is strong enough.
She's lucky i was born with a clef lip and palate,So i know what she is going through right now.

Lonely, how did your daughter's graft go? I was about 10 when I had mine and (I'm 27 now) and remember thinking it was cool b/c I got to use a crutch for 1 day! It was scary going through all the surgeries, and the dental work, oh alllll the dental work! It has all finally paid off though and I feel happy with my results. It seems to be a pretty common theme in people's posts that having this birth defect molds us into the people we are today....it definitely has it's downfalls, but remember that God does it all for a reason.

It's good that you and your family continue to provide emotional support to her. I was like your daughter too, but I realized that although none of my friends and peers were born with cleft lip and palate, we all had the same concerns about appearances, boys, etc. And I noticed I was not the only one being made fun of. Kids will be kids. Yea, people will be cruel but she should focus on the positives and enjoy every single day of her teenage years. Her peers (and boys!!) will look past her appearance and see her for the wonderful person she is, trust me, I know. I'm in college, I have great friends and I've had two great boyfriends. The appearance that cleft lip and palate has given me isn't the prettiest but it has given me great insight on life and has made me a strong person-a quality that I get a lot of compliments on. Life is what you make it, so I hope she makes the best of it because life is a such a precious gift.

Something I always tell myself when people tease me:
"Mind over matter. I don't mind because they don't matter."

p.s. I know the whole doctor search can be EXHAUSTING, but there are a lot of wonderful and gifted doctors out there.

Maybe it would help for her to connect with other people who have it. I think that would have helped me so much when I was younger. I'm 32 now. Feeling alone can be devastating. This group could help!

It is tough. My son wrote a book to help explain to classmates what he had been through and they actually thought it was cool. Most are just curious and uneducated...and a few meanies. Ask her to visit our website and maybe that could help.
www.cleftbooks.biz

All the Beat,
Karen L.