Yeah, lifehacker is really an awseome and useful site, it should be browser's default page.
I don't know if this is a proper "cleft hack", but :
- Find passions and hobbies to develop our self-esteem and self-worth independantely from our appearance (don't know if this is really clear ...?)

Hey Woodoow, I think your hack idea is perfectly clear. And in my experience it's a good one. When you focus on something to do that you can get better at over time and take pride in... nobody can take that away from you. Even if you see somebody who you think is doing it better than you... nobody else can do it precisely like you do, and you've still done 100% more than the person who never started. For me music is one of these things... I'm not the best singer, guitar player or songwriter, but what I do is unique and I can get satisfaction from it, and sometimes give others enjoyment as well.

So, this would be more of a "hacking INTO cleft" idea. I suspect that a lot of cleft hacks might fall into this category at first, which is all right. I think that over time as one practices ways of dealing with something which seems to be a weakness, there will be more of a chance to actually make it into an asset.

Cleft Hack #2: The Fundamental Attribution Error

The hacker mindset sees the world using the metaphor of a computer system which can be changed and customized by we, the users. To some extent this includes seeing ourselves as programmed and programmable systems. A computer is really an inept metaphor for the magnitude of what the brain does, but it is the best metaphor we have. The Information Age has provided a variety of useful ways to think about psychology, including the challenges associated with being a cleft patient.

The main factor that unites us as cleft patients is that we have a common hardware problem: our lip and/or palate was incompletely formed in utero. Since for most of us the "software" inside our skulls was just fine, it can be hard to explain what is so challenging about just having an aesthetic hardware problem. The issue is that it happens to be located in the piece of equipment, the face, that communicates to others our state of mind at any given moment. We were communicating through facial expressions before we could form words and recognizing other faces too. The human brain is wired to be able to read and recognize the proportions of the face.

The hard truth is that some people are born with faces that seem to especially exemplify these proportions, and this often bestows upon them a lifelong advantage in social interactions and, most importantly, self esteem. People tend to automatically have more positive reactions to a beautiful face, and the lucky recipient of all this positive feedback often (but not always) internalizes it as a strong self-image. The reason people will react so positively to these individuals, however, is not just because their faces are pleasant to look at. It's because another function of the face is to be the avatar of our personality (think how yearbooks or drivers' licenses use faces to symbolize the whole person) therefore we tend to identify the person as being as beautiful inside as their face looks on the outside. There is a known tendency, or bias, of our brain programming to assume that external positive actions reflect a positive inner character called fundamental attribution error; it seems reasonable to extend that definition to include external aesthetic attributes as well.

So, if people with well-formed faces receive these lifelong advantages, does that mean that we with incompletely formed, oft-repaired faces will receive disadvantages? Well, basically, yes -- that's part of the whole point of looking for cleft hacks. People with cleft will have to overcome an initial hesitation and awkwardness on the part of many people over their entire lives who are just a little less than sure what to think about a cleft palate. This can be easily ignored, bypassed or even addressed in most cases. After all, most people recognize to some extent that a person's face is not their worth and will make some effort to relate to the person with cleft as a human being. However, the lack of precedent for talking forthrightly about facial difference and resulting "elephant-in-the-room" feeling can be a virulent breeding ground for insecurity. This sets the stage for bullies who fill the lack of understanding with sadistic applications of the fundamental attribution error, thus seeming to speak for the silent majority. The most damaging disadvantage of all for someone with cleft is to internalize these personal attacks and commit the fundamental attribution error in judging themselves as basically flawed, uninteresting, and unattractive to anyone.

So the first challenge of hacking cleft is to see past the Fundamental Attribution Error and realize that your cleft is not a symbol of your worth. There's nothing you did and nothing that you fundamentally are to deserve it. Furthermore, cleft is not an indicator of your future horizons. Regardless of what a short Google search will tell you about the advantages enjoyed by beautiful people, you are not a statistic. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not in numbers measured on a survey. Don't believe the biased assessment of those who must tear down the self-esteem of others to feel secure. Only sustained observation of actions over time can serve as an indicator of someone's character, and there is ALWAYS a margin for error, because people are as marvelous as they can be malicious, and as difficult as true change is, it's always an option.

Good one !

Hey folks -- before I go on posting on this thread I wanted to say something about what my goals for this are, because it's not my intention to come off like I know more than anybody else. I believe everybody here is a genius in different ways, and all have areas in which we could learn (I know I do.) It just so happens that I've chanced on an idea here that I'd like to develop into a more complete form and share and for some reason or another I've found that writing for the audience on this forum is kind of a sweet spot for me, so I'd like to keep developing the ideas here one by one. I don't really know how long it will last or where it will go, exactly, but your feedback is welcome and appreciated. And, as always, it's wonderful to know I'm not alone in my experiences as a cleft patient.

3 -- Critical Thinking

I don't mean by "critical thinking" here the ability to exquisitely find faults in yourself or others. That would lead back toward the Fundamental Attribution Error (or just "Labelling" for short). What I do mean is the ability to find and correct faults in your own THINKING.

One great source to learn more about this tool is the body of work called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which I learned about from a book called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. The basic premise of CBT is that depression is caused by distorted and unrealistic thoughts, which accordingly generate negative feelings. Therefore, it offers methods for thinking critically about your thoughts so that the feelings they generate will be more positive. It sounds deceptively simple, but the therapeutic effectiveness of CBT has actually been demonstrated in clinical tests.

The essential CBT exercise is the double column technique, in which you have a dialogue with yourself on a piece of paper. You draw a line down the middle and write at the top of the left side, "Automatic Thoughts". Here you write down the negative thoughts that pop up in your head in response to daily stimuli. On the right hand side, you title the column "Rational Responses." Here you try to put the lie to the distorted assumptions from your Automatic Thoughts. The "Automatic Thoughts" column continues to voice its objections to the Rational Responses until all lines of argument have been addressed. To assist you, there is provided a list of the most common cognitive distortions, such as:

Overgeneralization: assuming a neverending pattern from a limited number of occurences
Polarized Thinking (also "Black and White" or "All-or-nothing" Thinking): seeing the complexity of people and situations in "either/or" categories, with no shades of gray.
Mind Reader Error: Jumping to conclusions about the thoughts and motivations of others
Minimization / Maximation: downplaying your successes and overplaying your failures
Mental Filter: Focusing only on the negative
Labelling: affixing a negative label to yourself -- also what we've been calling the Fundamental Attribution Error
Fortune Teller Error: Thinking you know how things will turn out in the future
Personalization: Assuming responsibility for things that aren't your fault
Emotional Reasoning:

among many others. There are many good lists of these you can find online. Some may well turn up later in this discussion.

Another key chapter of Feeling Good has to do with dealing with criticism. The same objective approach that can be used to put the lie to one's own thoughts can also be used to stand up against criticism, be it fair or unfair. The ideal is that if the criticism is unfounded, then you can establish its falseness, and if it is true, you can gracefully accept this. You can separate the truth from the exaggerations, the falsehoods from the useful feedback. Again, this is deceptively simple, but it establishes an outstanding ideal for dealing with critics without sinking to the level of trading personal attacks. The worst critic of all, however, is the one that attacks from within, and CBT is a landmark theory in learning to deal with it.

I do find that Dr. Burns approach to dealing with criticism is a bit undergunned when it comes to the actual down-and-dirty world of psyching-out interpersonal politics in which cleft patients can find themselves to be targets, and in which irrationality is often deliberately employed as a tactic. I think some study of the well-documented body of argumentative fallacies might be of benefit, and some other tactics besides, but this will be a topic for another post.

Critical thinking is crucial to the Hacker Mindset and close to the heart of the Cleft Hacks idea itself. Many of these hacks are going to overlap quite a bit and might seem redundant, at times. Each one, however, offers a unique perspective that brings something different to the hacker toolbox. Even a new way of expressing an old concept can suggest new strategies in unexpected ways.

Also, if a certain theme repeats itself in a number of contexts, it might be just that important. Sometimes the most basic strategies are the most effective and the hardest to master, and I think critical thinking is unquestionably one of these. If you develop a critical eye, you can see virtually any situation as a gold mine for learning new lessons and hacks you can apply in your own life. Part of the key is learning to separate: between contexts, between what works and what doesn't work, between costs and gains and so many other things. The hard part, again, is turning that critical eye toward your own strategies. Maybe something will work for you for a while and then start to show its flaws; it can then be hard not to forget what works about it and scratch the whole approach in favor of some miracle cure, effectively "throwing out the baby with the bathwater."

Test your solutions intelligently. Hang on to what works. Change what doesn't. It's that simple and, considering we are so often creatures of habit, that difficult.