Cleft Lip / Palate Support Group
Cleft is a congenital deformity caused by a failure in facial development during gestation. It can be treated with surgery shortly after birth with highly successful results. Cleft occurs in somewhere between one in 600 and one in 800 births. Cleft occurs in several severities and is divided in two major categories: cleft lip and cleft palate.
Hi! I was born with a Bi-lateral Cleft lip and palate. I recently became a Mom to a perfect little boy.
I've come along way with accepting myself and I'm always climbing the self improvement ladder, but right now I am struggling with a few things. Is anyone out there a parent who can relate? I could use some support and guidence :)
Right now he's 7 months, and he is absolutely gorgeous. I know Moms are supposed to say that about their babies, but I get stopped all of the time with people saying how handsome he is. Sometimes I look at him and can't believe that I made something so beautiful. I know it came as a shocker to some of the people I know, and some people don't even think he's mine.
Some of my family members keep saying things around him like "oh look at your beautiful Mommy" as if trying to convince him of something, there's definitely an elephant sometimes....
I just worry. When he gets older. How he will see me, how others will see me? How will his friends see me? Will he get made fun of? When I join Mom groups will I be accepted, will other kids comment on me and how will I deal with it?
Being a parent now I know I have to be the strong one, the example, but some days I'm not. I want to raise him to have impenetrable confidence and strength, and that starts with me.
If anyone has any similiar stories and experiences I would love to hear them :)
I'm guessing you two sharing this birthmark, he'd probably refer to you and ask about your experience quite often.
I'm thinking when he grows up (tween years and above), unless his friends were to be jackasses, most wouldn't mind about it. Most people are way too self-conscious at their friend"s place to mind too much about that.
Only thing I can think of is, when is he a tad older than now (think pre-school/elementary school) is when most kids could get a bit curious. They're not doing it with malicious intent at this age, so this could actually be an intesresting opportunity to briefly teach them about you (and you son) issues.
Also, please keep in mind not to take kid's reactions too personally. There are a number of reasons why a child, especially a younger one, might react badly to you even without the cleft. Kids can really be unpredictable sometimes. If one was really to be mean to you, I'd guess they'd get quickly told off by their parents. If not, there's not much you can do against it. Maybe it's a lack of exposure to diverse people matter and they'll slowly get around it.
I know that you're worried about the future, and it's important to be prepared ; but don't let that distract you from enjoying your kid's first years. They really do go away in a moment's notice.
Source : My experience caring for my youngest sister who's about to turn 4.
My son was not born with a cleft lip or palate, but I was. In my case, it wasn't genetic so it wasn't passed on to him. I guess I wasn't clear with that in my post.
I don't take a second for granted, and you are definitely right! Time passes very quickly.
Being a Mom changes everything about your life, I was hoping there might be a few people on here who have shared a similar experience.
He never really pointed out my cleft, but now that he is older he does stare at me (my lips) sometimes when we are talking or he is sitting on my lap. I can’t lie, it makes me self conscious even though he is my own child.
I’ve explained to him before why I have it, but other than that we don’t talk about it or anything.
The hardest parts for me so far have been the social aspects that come along with being a mom, like talking with the other parents at his school, etc. I always feel like the outcast or deformed one that the parents are nice to, but won’t invite to their little get togethers, etc.
I am not sure yet how his friends will perceive me, and if it will affect him in any way, because he is only 7, but I worry about it!