here is a journal ive been reading which explains the functional problems and assetic problems we have being born with a cleft http://www.rhinoplastyarchive.com/articles/cleft-lip-rhinoplasty

I know exactly how you feel, miller. Even though I'm in the process of getting corrective surgeries to fix my cleft area, I still feel like no amount of surgery will improve my appearance or the functional issues (speech, breathing, etc.)

I'm actually more self-conscious about the functional issues rather than the aesthetic ones. I guess after years of not receiving the necessary medical treatments, I somehow forced myself to accept my physical appearance. I also tried to overcompensate for my feelings to fit in school and to make myself feel "normal," but I was always unhappy. I got tired of masking my feelings and I figured the only way to find happiness was to address how I really felt. It's a work in progress, and dealing with depression doesn't make it easier. I used to feel embarrassed about my "bad days" when I was feeling anxious or sad about my appearance and I tried desperately to hide it, but now I'm just honest about how I feel. Everybody has their "bad days" and there's nothing wrong with that.

My face is in the process (a very slow and long process) of changing, but there's nothing I can do to speed up that process, nor can I predict the end results. I just have to stop obssessing over it and be patient and have faith. I still don't feel good about my appearance and I know I'll never be conventionally beautiful, but I'm learning how to not drive myself crazy over it. You're right, you've got to be happy with what you got.

Instead of focusing on my face, I've started focusing on my total self. I just started working out again because I want to be in better shape. Exercise is my stress-reliever and it helps with my depression. Plus, it's a great temporary distraction from my worries and troubles. I want to be a better person, so I've started reading self-help and motivational books/blogs. Jon S. actually gave me some great suggestions with these kinds of books, and I actually carried one with me for months because it had a lot of great and positive advice.

I think you look great and I look up to you and the other members of this group because you guys have gone through the whole ordeal of numerous surgeries, countless doctor's appointments, etc. It gives me hope that I can get through it too.

very good advice corvette and thank you for your reply.

Sometimes being able to rant and release the negative thoughts in a healthy way is a positive thing. I think all of us, to some degree, understand what you are going through. It is true, there are limits to what can be accomplished as far as a repair goes. However, don't let a difference in your appearance define who you are as a person, or determine your self worth. You are a young man with your whole life ahead of you, make the most of it. Those of us with facial deformities, be it scarring or something else, face a unique set of challenges. Others may have the ability to conceal problems they do not wish to share with the world, we do not. Will you be a better person for having confronted these challenges? That is a question I cannot answer. You will, however, be stronger. I learned many years ago that hiding away from the world was not an answer to my problems. Facing what I feared, rejection, ridicule, didn't make it hurt any less. I did learn that I was able to survive these things and move on. As I look at your photo I see what appears to be a handsome young man standing with people that care about him, it would seem you have much to be thankful for.

I suppose for me, the best thing was finding a man who thought I was attractive just as I was. Raising a family and having all of the "normal" problems and hopes and joys has been a remarkable experience and I feel blessed to have the simple things in life and ignore the things I can't change. I think you know where I'm going with this Miller! :)

If you have friends that dont treat you diffrently then thats the best way to feel better about yourself. I know its hard to handle emotions that we have but you just have to accepot it and move on with your life and embrace the good things about it.

I dont hav much advice to giev becuase I havnt found much postive in my own expreience - I live in vry rural area wher eveyrone knows eveyrone else so at leas lot of peple are used to seing me and Ive got some socil life, go to the pub once a week or go visit a family membre if I hav time becuse I at least kno what to expect from them. Most of the time Im alone thogh becuse I only hav a few real frinds and its easir to do things on my own than wory about geting in fight becuse somone is goin to maek fun of me andd I dont stand for that.

I will jus say, like othre aresaying, focus on othr aspects of yurself, and th qulities that yuor true friends like abot you. I know my frinds say hw my face is dont matter, som even say Im hadnsome regardles, and others like to tel me abot all the othre great qulities I have, and I know if I cuold focus on just thos positiv things, my life wuold hav some improvment in regrd to how I view regard myselff.

I too understand. i suffered alot over the years over my appearance and my speech. I finally realized I was perfect exactly as I was. What is beautiful to me today is the essence of someone's soul that emanates from their being. Aron, your soul is beautiful and it comes across even through this electronic medium. I hope one day you will realize this in the depths of your soul.

very true we have awsome souls

There you go Miller... Nuff said!

I feel like this more often than I like to. When I get like this I usually find somewhere to rant cry excessively or exercise, but the most important thing I try to remind myself of is that fact that I am simply alive. I am a person, I can hear sounds, see beautiful things, I can go for a walk, I can laugh...I have loved, I have been loved, I have been hurt. I have had some amazing experiences and I am thankful. Life is strange and most importantly it's short. These feelings are perfectly justifiable. What we go through is hard, but know that you're not alone :)

Very cool and very well said Cspot!

Wow that makes me feel betterabout yself thanks

I had a long talk with my Sis tonight and we agreed that people born with imperfections have an edge, if they use them. I wish I'd never had to deal with it, or do I? It makes me who I am and how I use that makes me what I am... Freakin' awesome!

It's all about convincing those around you to look beyond and see something exceptional about who we are. Every person is born with that but we are forced to use it to our advantage so we can come across to be admired. :)