I have felt this way many times too insecure. Well I feel it everyday. For me the combination of my PTSD and TBI have been quite the pair to deal with at the same time. My TBI has left me with short term memory problems, loss of focus & concentration, and I can never get the right words out. In my job I have really had to learn new skills in order to disguise this all from clients. So far so good.

I did follow some advice that was handed down here when Clarity just started that helped me quite a bit. I believe it may have been Aurenna who said this (forgive me if I am mistaken......TBI girl here)
she said she wears a beaded bracelet for when she dissociates. She can rub her fingers on the beads in order to groud herself. I do that now too but also use it for times of frustration when I cannot find the right words.

xxx

see i am sort of the opposite
i cant stop expressing myself which is great and people say they like to hear my thoughts but when i get overwhelmed i sort of loose it and i cant stop and i really arent in control of myself and i dont exactly know what i am saying..i do...but if you asked me the next day i dont.....so...

this is dangerous because....i tell people things i dont want them to know...people i cant trust who want to hurt me and i know i cant trust them but i keep talking anyway..like hey abuser i suffer from depression and i have been abused in the past ...

my last 2 days at work last week before the DR signed me off sick i had obviously got overwhelmed but hadnt realised and i spent those 2 days running around asking my colleagues if they thought i was bonkers and telling anyone who would listen my life story of peresecution. you tell me if thats rational? one could not shut up

and also of course i feel so guilty afterwards i then lose my power because i spend hours sometimes weeks grovelling and apologising and beating myself up....and that is so unattractive

maybe if we can roll me and you together insecure we might create one controlled rational balanced individual...

what do you think?

so my point being...yeh its frustrating when you cant communicate but there is a downside to being a talker...i have been taken advantage of so many times because i am so honest and open and willing to admit my faults...and you might think oh how honourable of you blackdog....well not really...its just stupid

which is why every now and then i say...

ssshhhhh blackdog ssshhh

like when i start talking about myself for lines on end on other peoples posts (like now) do you think i am proud of that behavour well obviously a bit or i'd delate but also i'm abit embarassed as well...so being an open communicater can also be damgaing is my rather long winded point. so dont beat yourself up too hard mate

love ya....xxxx

Oh,Insecure, I do know what you are talking about! I do that too. I've "come to" during many conversations and had to play catch-up in order to figure out what had been said. I'm always terrified that I had said something personal or inappropriate. But, I think the worse is when there are too many words in my head and I can't formulate a reply.I've done that here so many times. Write a response, then reread it and realise , I had written something else entirely. So, I delete and then can't get back the original thought. Weird uh?

As Rae said, I do use a bracelet of different size stones(beads) and it does help keep me focused during conversations. I also have a small stone with a carved relief of a wolf on it, that I keep in my pocket. I can rub my thumb over the carving and it too helps keep me grounded. I use stones because of the connection of being "grounded" and the wolf has come into my dreams since childhood to save me.
Now, I'm really going to put myself out here for people to laugh at, but I use this stone as a kind of "talking stick" in my mind, whichever of the "others" has the stone, they may talk. It helps keep the flood of voices down. I'll be quiet now.

Wishing you the very best!! (((Hugs)))

thats a fantastic idea..very clever...i'm not laughing..i dont know about anyone else...

smell is also another good one, my therapist always told me during those times to try and focus on what I smell...then you could trickle it into other senses like how do your toes feel against the floor, etc. sort of grounds you and makes you aware of your senses meaning you snap out of it fast. helps pull me out of anxiety attacks sometimes as well. And hypomania to some degree.

don't know how to explain what I am trying to say here well, I will try to find some write up about it for you all instead:P

I also have times like that, when I can't talk.
Sometimes I get like Blackdog, and I say too much.
I also use stones and smell. Sometimes I want to take all my stones when I go out, they're a bit heavy though, I should take them in a trolly. lol. Sandelwood and sage are my favorite smells for grounding.
I have a pendant that I wear, a sacred dragon, I find I get overwelmed when I don't wear it..
Whatever works for you use it.

I should try this stone idea it sounds really effective, would be great help for when I am out in public, how many stones do i need, etc.?
How does it work

Hey, Sini, The stones I'm talking about are very small, actually little rocks or beads that you can string into a bracelet. They can be any color or shape. a variety helps, so you can focus on the differences. I have a couple ones of different colors, though I tend to stick with earth tones. Actually the bracelet's can be made out of any material, as long as there are enough pieces to count and enough textures to feel. Whenever I start to feel like I'm going to dissociate or my stress level rises, I slide the bracelet into the palm of my hand and feel it one piece at a time slowly. I notice the shape and size. It just helps me to stay focused on the here and now. It doesn't work all the time, but it has helped me to make it through some important conversations and keeps me from "blanking out".

The one I keep in my pocket, so I don't irritate people playing with my bracelet, is a small palm size rock. You can find them anywhere, in stores or like mine off the ground. I had a friend carve the wolf on it, but I really liked the colors. I found another one at a gift shop, it is made of plastic but has an angle inside.

I guess I should have used the words rocks or beads instead of stones. Sorry for making it sound like I carry Huge boulders around in my pockets. :-) Though I do have stones in my garden for positive energy.

Hope this helps. I love the idea off sandalwood and sage. could make a small potpourri pouch with them. Hang it in my car or put some in a locket. thank you for the suggestion!!

Love and Hugs to all!!!

i wonder if this would work for people who cant shut up too?

I make bracelets and I have lots of small stones and crystals that I carry in my pockets, usually no more than 5 at a time. I choose which ones I take depending on where I'm going.

this is such a great idea, I am heading to the mall today they have a really cool little shop with all earthy things in it. So I am gonna get some small stones, I know the ones you are talking about with different carvings in them, well they sound like they will work at least.

Thanks so much for the idea! =)

You all speak of the undercurrent of trauma.

Our reptilian brains store all those body memories. Repressed pains are our "hungry dogs in the basement". Those dissociations are the silent screaming of our repressed pain that is coming through the weakened gates we placed them behind, in younger days.

It was good to live in the rawness of youth. Our biological strengths carried us to this point...but will carry us no more.

The love and compassion, that we needed so long ago and did not get, are certainly all the more contemporary today. This is why we see so many cases of Clinical Depression really take up shop in our lives from the late 20's to early 30's onward. The ability to repress anything more only overfills our drinking glass of holdable stress.

In our youthfully bent society, older people are not held in regard. We are assumed to be the chancellors of wisdom and balance...when nothing could be further from the truth.

When the Center of Gravity of our lives lie outside of us, bad things will only continue to happen.

"When the Center of Gravity of our lives lie outside of us, bad things will only continue to happen."

Tiger......such true words.

Love you.

Love the way you express yourself.

Your words always sink into my head and make me think.

They make sense and I learn from them.

I love you for helping me through some of the most difficult times of my life.

Love you my dear wise caring friend.

Love you too, my friend...

group hug?