Hi, Insecure! My answer to that question is very simple.... "I would be different". Because my abuse started when I was a very young child, there's no way I can even imagine who I could have been or possibly have accomplished. I'm only now, starting to understand who I am and how the things I endured have guided many decisions in my life. I could not stop what happened ( that's still hard to admit), but I can learn and accept who I am today and go from there. A task that is proving very difficult, but hopefully not impossible.

You are most definitely not an idiot, you are a Sweet and Kind person. A Survivor and that's nothing to sneeze at! Some of the nicest and most empathetic people I know are trauma survivors. And you, my friend, are one of those special people! (((Gentle Hugs)))

insecure: I spend so much time second guessing all my decisions. I've tried mindful meditation and yoga because I know that I would be a lot happier if I could live in the moment rather than constantly rehashing the past. It's something I'm still working on. It's hard.

How can you answer something you don't know?
I've wondered many times about things like this........
but I've come to the conclusion that thinking about what if's isn't gonna change what is. i try and focus on the things I did gain from all the negative, like how to fight, be compassionate to other people, stand for what I believe in, etc.

Dwelling on the what if's is just negative feedback that is gonna get you down and put you a few steps backwards instead of forward , is what I mean =)

I agree with all the ladies here.

This is a great discussion topic. I have asked myself this question many times. Sini hit the nail right on the head....you cannot answer answer something you don't know. period. I have discovered many things about my life and how the traumas and experiences have crafted me into who I am today. I am a survivor. After having faced these challenges and having moved forward quite a bit I can now even say that I like the new Rae much better than the old Rae. Maybe the struggles were worth it even??? ....yes I say.

Be kind to yourself. You are not an idiot. You are putting together many pieces of the puzzle to get back on the path of moving forward with your life again.

I don't think you're an idiot at all. I agree with what everyone has written. It's not worth worring about. There's nothing you can do about it.
You wouldn't be the wonderful person you are today without your past. So try to see the life lessons and take whatever positives you can.
Cheers....xxxx

The most unique things always come with missing pieces and trials and tribulations to build. but when it's complete it is a one of a kind and priceless! =)