I'm lying awake in one of the most amazingly comfy beds in the world in a fancy suite that I love with a huge jacuzzi tub and a separate Heavenly Shower...but I'm unable to sleep! This is NUTS! I SLEEP at these airport hotels so that I'll be right here when it is time to go to the plane. It gives me some time to chill out before I leave to do my job, and a night to catch up on much-needed sleep.

So today I check-in, get the suite upgrade, take a long, warm bath with jacuzzi, eat room service and slip into the egyptian cotton sheets and...NOTHING! I tried reading, I tried watching a tv series on my Kindle, one i really like from PBS made in England with all my favorite things. I realized a few minutes ago that it is almost 3am and I've watched 6 episodes! (Downton Abbey is the name- very popular lately.)

Part of the reason I'm upset is that our babysitter didn't show up again. She called 2 hours before to get the exact time, then didn't show up! This happened twice last week with her texting me that she couldn't come. This time no text, no call. My hubby's off on Monday but I don't get back till Tuesday night. She was supposed to watch my son all day Tuesday and return to help me clean on Wednesday. (I'm always in a bit of a flare the day after I return from a trip.)

I have loved this girl as if she were my own. She's only 22 years old, "technically" old enough to BE my daughter. She has an almost 1 year old daughter and we've helped her out so much. We gave them all of our son's outgrown furniture, high chair, tons of toys and clothes, and even gave her an XBox Kinect for Xmas as a thanks for all she'd done. (It was what she wanted.) But when someone starts avoiding calls and just doesn't show up, what do you do?

She has taken care of my son since he was 6 months old, and he adores her. She and I were friends. She talked to me about everything and she was the one who took care of my son when my RSD was at its worst. 3 weeks ago she didn't show for a Friday babysitting date and I was out of town and my hubby had to cancel. She later told me she slept through it and apologized. 2 weeks ago she called and said she had been in a car accident. A few days later she texted that she missed Jaden. So I arranged for her to come, figuring she needed money.

So THIS week we got a call that her BF and Dad had been hit by a snow plow. The very next night she texted that she was rushing BF to hospital and he might have internal bleeding. THAT caused a red flag b/c he'd been fine ten minutes before. When I did 't call again (waiting for HER to let me know that she was okay to babysit and that her BF was better) I didn't hear a thing.

THEN we hear that he was in the hospital and had food poisoning. When I called her to check on tonight's date plus next week's as I was going out of town, she texted that it was perfect. So, she accepted the job tonight and on Tuesday and Wednesday. That night she also texted that her BF was fine that he had a kidney stone (what happened to the food poisoning she'd talked about last week?)Tonight she texts to check the time she is due (515pm) I'm at the hotel trying to relax when hubby calls infuriated b/c she isn't there or answering texts or calls. She rarely calls anymore, and I know her mom took her phone away b/c of too many texts but that's only how she can be in contact.

So now I'm leaving in a few hours for Vegas and thank God I followed my instincts and did this over a weekend, and a long weekend at that. Somehow, I have a feeling she won't show on Tuesday and I told my hubby as much. And I am starting to wonder if she is having problems. Her BF is nice but he DID have a drug problem in his youth. I didn't know this when we met, I didn't know she had a BF till she got pregnant. He's never seemed high when I've seen him and is very handy around the house, and my son adores him. But if I find out he's back to using drugs, I can allow either of them in my house. And what about their baby girl?

THIS is why I'm in a gorgeous suite and not sleeping. That and I'm having sinus troubles. I mean, I lock the meds I don't take with me in a room and hide them. She knows it is locked b/c I explained to her that I have RSD and that is why we needed her to help out with cleaning and babysitting, PLUS it remains locked because our son can't be near those meds. She also knows that if any pills were to disappear, I WOULD prosecute. It's in my Dr. contract and and I believe it is smart. She's never done anything but good in my house- cleaning and doing laundry when she doesn't need to, going out of her way to be helpful. She really is/was a GOOD kid.

She doesn't come every week but she was coming one week a month and then about 3-4 nights/days a month in addition. We paid her above minimum wage for one child. She gets other jobs but loses them or quits, and now we wonder.

I told her just this week that if I was gone and she could NOT make it to Mike's bowling nights -he bowls 2 nights a week so if she is scheduled to babysit, he needs 2 hours to find a sub. I JUST told her this. SO why is she texting me at 3:15 today to ask if I need her at 545? I texted back that no, it was 515pm, as I had told her twice before. She says thanks, I'll be there! And I tell her I left her a note with instructions for the week, she says thanks and to have a good trip, she'll see me next week, etc.

I don't GET it. But I'm getting sicker and sicker in addition to the RSD and I'll be coming home to no help. Maybe THAT is it? Maybe I worry that my son won't get used to a new sitter? He is only 2 and a late-talker (very normal for boys, we're told) but he recently started talking and he's just a joy. It breaks my heart that he won't see her again. But honestly, doesn't this just sound like a lot of excuses? And what will she say for tonight? It's now the 2nd time she didn't show when Mike needed her to be there and she knows it is important. He plays in a league so he can't just not show up. When she did this once before we told her it couldn't happen again. She had every chance to tell us when she texted that she couldn't make it and he would get someone else. But she chose to not show.

I can't believe I'm in this amazing bed and not sleeping. My sinuses are making my eye swell and there's no smoking here so I have no idea why. I woke up at home with my eye swollen shut, but that often happens if I sleep well. I had to take a sudafed b/c my sinuses were pounding, and now I don't have enough for the trip.

My DH is at home sleeping like a baby. I have this big bed to myself and I can't sleep. I'm damn tired, but I'm sick to my stomach and my foot is aching and my leg is cramping and I could sleep in till 11am if I needed to, but that isn't even 8 hours of sleep. I have 2 flights tomorrow and don't get to Vegas till 6pm their time, 9pm my time. I forgot my coat, which I might need there as it is in the 50's and 40's at night.

OMG, I just feel like everything is happening at once. And I have to pull it together for a meeting on Sunday!

Maybe I should try that old doctor trick of turning off all the computers and tvs and music and just sleep. Yeah, LOL- right! UGHHHHH!!!!
If it weren't 315am I would scream!

I'm just so frustrated, and part of that comes from knowing that I don't have help when I get back. My son is amazing, the best part of my life. But he needs some people in our family to be able to keep up with him and run around and be crazy. I'm SO tired of telling him to "be gentle, remember Mama's foot!"

If I didn't have RSD this would be an easy fix. But it complicates everything. Once my stress level is up there, it takes a LOT to get it down. Oh well, maybe I'll win a million dollars at the casino in Vegas? ...Okay, so I'll get a great MASSAGE at the SPA in Vegas. THAT I can look forward to!

Ever have one of these nights? I'm better off staying awake and just sleeping on the plane. I'm too keyed up to sleep. And my eye really hurts. Damn sinuses!

Hope you're all sleeping well tonight. Have a great night!