Sorry. After grieving for what you sadly lost. Here you will learn to embrace the new you.
Keep up the fight.

You need to see a counselor. You are grieving. They can help.

Try and find new things you can enjoy. There are ways to share your knowledge and vast experience online. It just takes time to find the right setting.

Tried so many times to list all the things I can no longer do and had to listen to everyone telling me all the things I had lost, insteadi started writing down and giving thanks to all the things I can still do like, reading and writing and leaning new things, and then I started telling people to stop reminding me of all the things i could no longer do, and all the things I have lost,

I still remind myself everyday to be thankful if I'm able to get out of bed, it I am able to go for a short walk or spend time with my father or a good meal, and its not easy - I have to remind myself all the time to try and be thankful,

BHL is doing one of the best things a person can do in this situation. Focusing on what you have. Not what you have lodt is a huge help. Focusing on all you have lost just causes more damage.

In another thread, I suggested you talk to your pain management doctor about seeing a Pain Psychologist. You need help. But you are the only one that can ask for it. You are also the only one that can do anything about it. You can get advise from a counselor, pain psychologist, etc. But you have to do the work.

I understand completely. The loss of those important parts of your self can be heart wrenching. It helps to talk to people who also have felt loss themselves. Hopefully, your family is understanding and can help you through these rough moments.

Life is nothingness without joy, it is a challenge to find it when you are living with chronic pain but we MUST look for ways to feel the joy you are talking about. It literally reduces pain...try and think of some things you can do on the couch to start out with.
I so not want to minimize what you have lost. Teaching is a calling, I can not imagine giving it up before you were ready. Swimming in the ocean is like my religion so I get that one completely. And just the other day I cried cause my car is so dirty and I can not clean it inside or out. I used to detail my car all the time but to do that now would mean a day or two in bed to recover. This is hard, a huge loss...keep posting or talk to a professional. There are people out there who know how to help you process this grief and find joy again. xo Good luck, I am sending you the best of wishes. xo

I have chronic migraines that are extremely debilitating with pain. I see a Dr from the the Clevend Clinic who has been treating me. Some drugs may help for a while then stop working. Seven months ago I started the process to get approved for legal marajuana to help with pain. Through trial and error and with the bud tenders help at the dispensaries I have found something that truly helps with my pain. I do not feel high and function just fine. I had to get to a point that I had nothing to loose in order to go this route and glad I did.

Completely understand how frustrating it is to not be able to do what you used to do. It's a reminder that things have changed and that you're not the same person anymore. Give yourself time to be angry and upset over it. Grieving takes time unfortunately and there's no fast track through it. Try to find other things that you are able to do or maybe if your wife or someone can help you to make it easier. One of my favorite things is sitting in the sunshine and feeling it warm my skin. Although your yard may not be what you want I'm sure it's still beautiful and something you can enjoy looking at while sitting outside. I hope this helps and that today is a little less painful. -gentle hugs-