Chronic severe pain is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. And the fact that those around us have no clue just makes it that much worse. I'm Praying for you. And Prayers are answered 24/7.

I just want you to know I understand 100%. On top of the daily unknown pain that I have and will always have I have a 79 year old 85% blind dad to take care of daily. He also has dementia that's getting worse daily. I've literally had to crawl up the steps to feed my dad. He see's the tears and the pain on my face and he still says "I'm out of ice cream. Go get it now". The last time that happened I had a fever of 102 and I went anyway.

Sorry I got off on my own tangent. I wanted you to know your not alone. If you ever want to talk give me a holler.

Healing hugs,
Marci

Hi gab, I am so very sorry you are in so much pain. I understand all to well where you are coming from. I've had 9 back surgeries in just under ten years, the majority of them being fusions. My first three were within nine months.

What area did they fuse? It sucks because each fusion takes up to a year to a year & a half to completely heal. Being that you are still in so much pain several months after surgery have you insisted that they do a Cat Scan or MRI with & without dye contrast just to make sure everything is ok. If you had hardware put in it can also show if any screws are loose.

One thing that helps me on top of my meds (my pain level is almost always around a 7 or higher each day) I use self hypnosis, guided imagery & meditation. You Tube has some great videos. Just google self hypnosis for pain & you will find videos for all three that I mentioned. Another technique that works well is EFT ( Emotional freedom technique) all you do is tap various places on your face and repeat the words the person is saying. One night I did this my pain level was an easy 8 by the end of the ten minute video I was a three if that and stayed that way for several hours. Robert Gorick has some great videos. The one I did was 10:38 long give or take a few seconds if you just type in his name & then type EFT for pain several will come up & you should be able to find the one I used . I'm sorry I don't remember the name of it.

The toughest thing of chronic pain is the grief process. It's like the person that you once were is no more and you will find yourself going through the different stages. If you ever want to talk just send me a pm. I'm on at different times of the day usually at night I will get back to you. Sending up prayers for healing, comfort. & peace of mind.

Hugs & God Bless
Lisa

Hey, Gab. You are a very strong person. You've made it this far and you will make it even further. You just need to get this out of your system. Hurt, you are also very brave caring your father. My mother cared for her mother for over a year "in home" and she had severe dementia. We had to keep mittens on her hands because she would scratch people. Towards the end there she couldn't even talk. She was just like a statue. I couldn't imagine having to care for someone full time while dealing with a chronic illness, chronic illnesses, or chronic pain. Stay strong and I will keep both of you in my prayers!

Hurting, I've also been going through the grief process of not being as mobile as I once was. I have a hard time simply maneuvering into and out of an automobile. I was grocery shopping today and getting winded almost felt like passing out a few times due to my illnesses. It's hard to let go of the past and accept living in the present. I have a lot of dreams about the past and then wake up and I'm back in the shit again. We all have good days as well as bad days, but somehow we keep on keeping on. Just remember that tomorrow is a new day!

I'm sorry your in so much pain and feeling overwhelmed. I was also going to ask if you told your surgeon how your feeling, he or she might be able to do something to help or up your pain meds for awhile.

I often wonder how much pain my body and mind can take before I give up or go insane so I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you. I hope coming here and realising your not alone living like this helps a little bit, I know it helps me feel not so alone and isolated battling this never ending pain. Take care..

All I can say is I've been there (last week being the latest). The pain takes over life, alters the brain chemistry. I tried to tell 2 doctors last week, "I'm tired." No hearing me. If the trauma and the pain don't stop, I will melt. I will drop. I did drop. But not today. Blue sky. Hope again. I told my brother one time that if things kept on this bad, this sick, this pain, I might just be free of it. Live free or die. I don't feel like that today. Though I did last week.

You sound exactly like me. I could have easily written that myself. I had my second fusion last June and it has been a nightmare.
I especially relate to feeling like a burden and fearing the pain. I have 2 kids (18 and 11) and a husband and I hate feeling like this.

Sorry I don't know what to say to make it better...but do know I get it and your not alone.

Autumn

im so sorry its not fun place to be plus , it sounds as if your family adds to it all . ,
i wish i had some wisdom to help you feel better. i think just what where doing find people who really understand. knowing your not the only one helps gental hugs minnie

It's good to know and see that I am not alone in this fight, this battle. But I am exhausted. I have a fourteen year old son who understands how bad it is for me and I can't get out like I use to and throw the baseball with him,or kick the soccer ball. Can't take him in the woods as in the past and he and I go hunting for some deer, Turkey or haste. I can't take him an amusement park or the zoo for that matter because I can't walk it. So what am I to him or for him. is not and should not have to help take care of me, he needs to be worried about the next baseball game, or hunting, us working on his archery skills. Doing normal household chores are impossible unless they don't mind that it takes me an hour or longer to get dishes ashed because I cant stand that long but I do it in tears. When they are sick no matter what I still take care of them, I said I will suffer and deal with the pain later. It's NOT fair to them. That is one thing I am tired of also.

This spinal fusion was the same area as the first back in '98, I was 25 yrs old, L5-S1. This time they went in through the abdomen, which has been easier compared to the first. But they had to dig a screw out that was floating around in my spinal canal yippy, right?!
That was just one of the issues, others i battle with and the pain from the, also are comprssed and encased nerves (permanant nerve damage), the vertebrea have growing the nerves, both degenerative disc and joint disease, spinal stenosis, my spinal canal is actually starting to calcify, and some areas have already turned to bone, fractures from L2 down to S1, and a tumor on my spinal cord and soinal canal at T12. I have never had any type of fall or accident that would have caused any of this damage. The depression caused from all of this is no dang joke either. I never know when i am going to have such a day either. But how do you others to understand that when they tell you to just get up and goand it would be better and continue to get better and you just need to go off and get over it. Yeah ok, it doesn't happen that way. It would be so much easier to, well, eliminate any possibilty to ever have to fight any more. If not for my son, I can honestly as I would still be fighting.
Thank you so much for the support and prayers, they are both very powerful!!!! My prayers are with y'all also so that you may get some relief. Hurt I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, I know it's not easy. Been there myself.

May God Bless us all, he has a plan, but I can honestly say I would love to know the plan for me so that I can fulfill it.

I'm sorry that you're in such pain right now..be strong and keep in mind that you may not be able to do things as you did before-but being strong both mentally and physically,you WILL find a new way to do things for both you and your son! We don't let pain control our lives,we adapt and FIND a way to live!

Gab, you are not alone here and I'm glad you come here to share your story. I know how you feel mentally and physically, and how tired you can get. Depression beats up on me every day, even with the meds I take.

I've had to lower the expectations for myself on a daily basis according to my pain level. Learning to live up to MY own expectations instead of those of others has helped me to better cope with my pain issues. It's hard, but you are stronger than you think, even if it doesn't feel that way.

Be gentle with yourself and take care.
Lynn

Thank y'all, it's hard. When I try to set goals, well they get blown away by hubby, everything is down played but I can't get him to go to the Dr with me so that he can hear it from them. Maybe then he wouldn't be so damn quick to say if you would just get up and go it wouldn't be bad and you wouldn't have these issues and you have to keep going through the pain or it will get no better. He is not far from seeing what it is like because I am going to show him

Now now-you don't want to really hurt your husband just so he knows what you're going thru...mentally you can do so however :)
Some people-spouses included..just can't understand what we are going thru no matter what we say or do,..so just try not to let his words get to you. You do the best that you can and just brush him off-he will either just accept your best or tell him to go sulk in the corner!

I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time, physically and emotionally. I understand how difficult it is to start each day never knowing how bad it will be and how much longer you can go on this way. It's a constant battle to keep going when you have little if any hope for a better life. I am always amazed to hear everyone's stories of how they deal with their pain. If only I believed that prayers worked
I hope your prayers are answered.