Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
His words still ring in my ears, although i'll never hear them again...
His face is still alight in my eyes although i'll never again see him...
Every day is harder than the last, but still i go...
Im haunted by him everywhere i look in my life...
In my memories
In my children's eyes
In the mirror
Everywhere i look i see the face of my father......
Kris.....
His face is still alight in my eyes although i'll never again see him...
Every day is harder than the last, but still i go...
Im haunted by him everywhere i look in my life...
In my memories
In my children's eyes
In the mirror
Everywhere i look i see the face of my father......
Kris.....
heatherhurts
Hugs and Love
At the funeral I watched as each of my siblings got up and spoke about how great a man he was, how he taught them to play baseball or tennis, how he stood up for them, or how he expressed his undying love...
It actually made me sick, this was not the man I grew up with, I had no fond memories of the man. I remember the cold stares, the fact that he never once told me he loved me until I was grown and he was dying... I remember how I first met the boogeyman and why it made me despise the smell of alcohol..., I remember broken bones and torn skin, promises made but never kept, I remembered feeling alone in his prescience......
He never let me go hungry, I had a roof over my head until I was 15... He made me grow up broken and angry, he made me grow up too fast...
I still miss him, in spite of it all.....he was my dad....
I looked foreward to telling him exactly how I felt as he lay there fragile, defenseless and dying, I wanted to tell him how he hurt me and how poor a job he did....
But someone along the way must've done something for me, or else some how in the midst of the pain and loniliness I evolved because at the end when I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel how I felt all those years, to finally put him in his place once and for all I stopped....
I saw in his eyes that he knew it was coming, he bit down on the breathing tube and his eyes widened, he braced himself for it to seep out of me in toxic waves.....
I looked again into his eyes, leaned over and pressed my lips to his forehead, caressed his face with my hand, pulled myself close to his ear and said " I forgive you dad...I love you....I always have...",
I watched as the tears silently stole down his cheeks, let him hold my hand till he slept again. Then I left, knowing in my heart that in his final moments I gave up on telling him everything I thought I needed to in order for me to move on....
Instead I told him exactly what he needed to hear for him to pass in peace, I put aside my hatred and hurt so this monster of a man could pass peacefully, in the end I gave him what he could never give me....
I am haunted by the face of my father, because you see it's my face, years different of course but identical just the same...
But I don't fear that I'll be like him anymore, because although my children look at a face that I will always see as my fathers, all they see is the heart that belongs to theirs......
Love........Kris......
You sure have a way of saying it like it is. It moves me to tears.
What you did for your Dad moves me to tears.
From the first time I saw your picture I saw kind eyes. I believe the eyes tell a lot about a person. Thank you for sharing you personal
story in a way that helps others know that it is possible to move on.
Yes when your children see your face they will see your heart.
love and peace
hippy
I lost my Mom 9 years ago and still regret a lot of the things I didn't say...but she was a good woman. She was strong and battled to the end. I regret that I didn't do more, but in all reality, what more could I do? We beat ourselves up either way, believe me.
May you heal, both heart and soul. You're a good man, and your kids will know, when someday that day comes for them, that they have GOOD memories and had a great dad. That's something you can't undo. Your kids will be there, and love you forever. Breaking the chain is important, and you've done that.
God bless!
I felt like I was right there with you, vividly I pictured you on the left side of him - like I was with my dad when I said "good bye" (for now... ) I can picture you speaking into his ear like I did. After you shared how he had tears rolling down his cheeks... I cried.
You gave him comfort, love and forgiveness when he passed. Peace for you and peace for him... rather than think of yourself at that time, you chose to make things easier for HIM. No matter how stoic a person is, when you are about to die, thinking about stepping into the "unknown" must be very scary! We don't know what will happen and we feel like we are alone... not even conceivable until you're there...
I think you will be blessed for the rest of your life because of how you chose to show ...love, compassion and forgiveness instead of telling him how terrible of a father he was to you and how you were disappointed and hurt by him ( NOT saying that would be what you would say.) It might have felt better to get it off your chest so to speak, but you knew those would be the last words he would ever hear. You are such a fine example.
Even though he couldn't talk to you right at that moment, maybe a few of those tears meant that he was proud of the man you have become...