hugs....

Was that a hug for me..or a tool suggestion?
Either way..it works..:-)
Thanks, MrBill
Hugs

Hi jc, im seeing a counslor for ptsd, so i guess shes my tool for the time being....
I went through a lot medically for 15 years, and i am in the beginning stages of the healing process, and filled with unbievable guilt, and grief over the last 15 years living with cp...
So, we will see...
Hope others have tools to share with you as well...
Hugs
Stinke

hi jancam...since my latest suicide attempt, i've been attending a powerful intensive out patient program at my local mental health ...we cover DBT which teaches many skills to help me thru life and its different situations...like for instance, emotional regulation which teaches me how to be in tune with my emotions...every emotion is needed even fear sadness and anger...core mindfulness, which teaches me how to be one minded, this one is particularly hard for me since i hear voices that sabotage me into thinking im a very very bad person and i need to hurt myself thru self harm... interpersonal effectiveness, which teaches me how to maintain relationships this is hard for me since i have borderline personality disorder, among other things...i could go on...point being i try to 1) accumulate the positives...2)distract, self sooth and improve the moment...and 3)radical acceptance of my deteriorating health issues...i also must keep in mind there is always someone out there that has it worse than me

JC, you hit it on the head- grief.

As I'm aiming to be a grief counselor, I'll try my best to help you.

You know that grief comes in stages- denial,depression, anger, bargaining and finally acceptance. The stages can come in any order and you can experience them in any order.

Chronic pain causes a grief response. You lose your life as you know it, you can't do the things you did before and you have to deal with pain every minute of every day.

It's perfectly normal to go through the stages of grief when you have chronic pain. The trick is to not get stuck in any one of them for too long- except maybe acceptance.

There are ways to help you move through the stages. Depression is one of the easiest, and one of the hardest to move through. You can take anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and go to a therapist. But you have to be determined to change this or none of it will work.

Anger is probably the most dangerous, especially to those around you. You get anger and either it eats you up or you start acting out. We've all seen angry people put their fists through walls or kill someone because they're angry. Anger can be controlled through CBT or other therapies. Lisa mentioned PTSD and the anger component is one of the biggest things you see with it. Controlling that anger is essential for your well being.

Bargaining is the phase that we try to find whatever will work for our pain. We start to seek out alternative therapies. Some of them do work, but there are a lot of snake oil salesmen out there who just want your money. We also bargain with God or another higher being. "IF you take away my pain, I promise to be a better person". Sometimes bargaining can be good because we seek out oher ways to treat our pain than the traditional ones.

Denial is a natural phase, but it's so hard to do when you're faced with cp each day. It's easier to deny that someone is dead, than to deny that you are in pain. But denial can also mean questioning if the pain is all in your head. Then we stop taking our pain meds and will not accept that the pain is real.

Acceptance is just that: accepting that we have pain, that we will always have pain, that we won't be able to do the things we did. It allows you to say, "OK, what CAN I do?". Acceptance gives you hope- you can live a life with pain and it won't be the focus of your life.

Acceptance is the hardest part of grief. Some people never accept their pain, never get past it. The pain becomes the person. It identifies you. It becomes all-compassing. You lose yourself eventually if you don't accept that pain is a PART of your life, not your life in it's entirety.

It is a roller coaster that we never get off if we don't accept the pain. Pain can make you stronger- the people here are the strongest people I've ever met. Just getting out of bed is a great accomplishment for some of us. It's hard, but if you do it, you'll feel so much better- not only physically, but mentally. Don't let the pain win! You are too important to your family and friends to let it win.

I see it this way: my pain is a part of me, but it isn't the most important part of me. The most important part of me is my heart, for the compassion it gives me, and my brain, which allows me to continually learn about the world. Even if I can never visit Paris like I wanted to, I can still learn about it's history, it's people, it's food, it's music. The internet gives us the world to explore. It's yours if you want it.

Don't fight your feelings- they're perfectly normal. But don't give up either and let yourself sink down further and further. There's a point where you need help, especially with depression or anger. They both will eat your soul if you let them. So don't you let them (I hear a James Taylor song in my brain-lol).



I know this was long and probably you know most of what I wrote, but maybe there's someone here that is newer to pain than you and I and it might help them understand better.

I hope this helped!
Sandy

wow sandy..that hit home...thank you for sharing

Hi JC....I'm sorry you are feeling so emotionally unstable. I can relate. I don't know why my emotional state can change from one day to the next, but it does. I think it definitely is relative to the degree of pain I am having.

I agree with you about using humor as a tool. I love to laugh. My sister suffers from severe CP and when we get together and laugh and act goofy, we both say we feel alot better.

Distraction is another tool that works for me. Coming here and talking to friends that can relate and understand what we go through can usually get me out of a bad funk.

My pets help to comfort and distract me....particularly my cat, when she cuddles up to me and purrs. My fish aquarium is another thing that relaxes me and gets my mind off of myself.

No, you definitely are not alone in this, JC. I'm pretty sure most of us go through similar emotional rollercoasters.

I hope your pain is low today and you can just relax and enjoy the day.

Hugs,
Lori

Hi JC..Thanks for asking about this, all the great responses gave me alot to think about as well. What a great counsellor Sandy is going to make, she helps me here daily and will now be helping even more people soon.

Im on the same rollercoaster as you, i think my prob is that in my brain I know when I'm on a downward emotional spiral but sometimes its very hard to try and be rational and think better thoughts when your just not feeling it in your mind or heart.

Good luck to you with this, maybe one day soon we will all wake up one day and realise we have finally found some peace with the way our lives now are.

Thanks everyone.
Stinky..I've had a couple of counselors who were tools..:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
E4...what you're doing is so clearly working great for you...I'll say publicly what O said privately..you've really become a great contribution to this board...and we're lucky to have you.

Sansy..great post...those I familiar with the grief at ages will nemedit from it.
As you gussed..I'm more than passimgly familiar with them..:-)
But..a reminder never hurts.
No..I don't want to be stuck in qmger or despair..because that means bitterness...the last thing I want to be.
Thank you, Lori..your empathy is soothing.
Maddy..I'm sorry you're feeling the pull of that downward spiral..
Stay close here..it really helps sometimes.

I'm sorry for kinda a bumme post..
I'm really fighting my negative demons.

You guys are one of the best weapons for that fight.

Hugs.....jc

Im relatively new to CP, so i dont have any tools right now, but what Sandy said in her reply is so helpful, hugs comeing your way, love susie x

Living with chronic pain is DEFINITELY an emotional roller coaster JC.

Looking back over the last 10 yrs, I have had my share of ups and downs, anger, resentment, etc.. What helped me the most was "acceptance". After I learned to accept my condition & that my life had drastically changed, I tried to focus on the positives in my life. I focused on what I COULD do rather than what I couldn't do.

I find that one of the things that works best for my pain is DISTRACTION. Whether it is watching TV, playing online games or crafting, I use all of those as tools to cope with my pain.

Then, there is LAUGHTER. My hubby and son are both comedians so we have alot of laughter in our house. I have told my husband many times that the laughter is what helps me cope. I am not sure what I would do without it and I am so grateful to have it.

I cannot forget to mention our 4 furry fuzzballs. Our 4 feline cats are all so precious to us. They love us unconditionally and they get alot of love in return. I find it therapeutic to pick up one of our cats and kiss and hug her and in return, I get to hear her "sing" for she is letting me know that she is happy and content and that makes me feel good. (they were all rescued from the outside).

Last but not least, the love for my children and the love I receive in return. We give each other lots of hugs & kisses every day, and for me, that is the BEST medicine I could ask for. My kids love me unconditionally. They know that "Mommy" cannot do alot of things but they have never complained. Again, we try to focus on the positive things in life and what we CAN accomplish together. I am extremely blessed to have my kids. Being a Mother is a gift from God and one that I do not take for granted. I try to be the best Mother I can be, despite my pain & limitations.

Life is not easy & there are alot of challenges, but I do the best I can. That's all anyone can really ask for.

Hugs & Blessings,

Carrie

I try to stay out of the past before I began my CP journey. It only leaves me bitter. Acceptance has been a process for me. I had to completely redefine myself. For sure a grieving process in order to let go of what I used to be and accepting of who I am now. I'm still not where I'd like to be.

Some days it's hard to be grateful when racked with pain. While cleaning up my house this morning, I've had to take a break every 10 minutes.

Humor, gratitude and a glass half full instead of one half empty, helps me. My cats also help to distract me from the pain. Also when I'm helping someone else, I'm not centered on me. I can't say enough how much my Nintendo DS helps to distract me as well.

I've had many days when I've jumped on the roller coaster. I would be hard pressed to find anyone with our issues who haven't had emotional turmoil or pain.

it is a roller coaster I find humor to be a good tool, music is great, netflixs helps me greatly, coming here helps. games on the computer. my mom's puppy no matter what cheers me up love that little ankle bitter. If I'm up for it getting out of the house is greatly not one for the xmas shopping season I dislike the crowds and craziness.
hugs
tori

jc...have you seen the movie, 'Analyze This'? There is a scene where Robert Deniro shoots the stuffing out of a pillow and then says his therapist was right...he does feel better getting it out!

I'd like to try that....

that sounds good to me cherry lol