I KNOW how you feel!!! It was like as if you were writing about me! I'm SO FED UP! I'm SO FRUSTRATED!

I'm 44 have had a stroke, in PAIN everyday all day 24/7, have so many medical issues, I'll never work again...
My house is in foreclosure, because the mortgage company didn't process the disability paperwork, my homeowners will be cancelled in a few weeks unless I get repairs done, I'm being sued by the first hospital I went to, was just in the hospital again, the computer I'm on has to be returned within the next few weeks (they just asked for it back) my only outlet...

I use to be able to do 15 things at once and now can't even glance to the windows while talking, hear the tv or radio in the background and be able to complete a sentence or carry on a conversation to know what the other person is saying, at the same time because that's all considered multi-tasking.

OK, so sorry for venting.

Girl you took the thoughts right outta my head. I feel this way daily and than I wonder how I am gonna get up and make it thru another day. Know that you are not alone. We have each other. Coming to this group made me realize I am not the only one having these feelings. I would never wish the pain on anybody, however I now know there are people walking in my shoes. I will lift you up in my prayers today and tomorrow. Prayer is all I have. I am afraid to talk to anybody else except for the people in this group because I feel like such a burdon to everybody. God Bless and take care.


Myra

I can relate, I still work part-time(have too, $)but sometimes am overwhelmed and wonder if im going to go nuts with these pain issues. Sometimes I just cry, and do pray alot! Its hard when people think you look fine, and say negative things about pain meds, sometimes I wish I could give them my pain for a day! I try not to think about the future, live day by day and try and be happy with the little things.

I wish I could work. I think it would make me not so depressed. I'm to the point now that when I do get up and do something I have to do it as quickly as I can because my back will only hold out for a few sec.! And then it feels like it is going to literally break in two. I'm disgusted, but ashamed to grumble too because it could be worse.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL- that's how I've been feeling today as well! I hate it! I'm only 23 and this is it? I'm still just a babe myself, with my entire life ahead of me! AND THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH? ARRRGGGHHHH!!!

But in lite of my feelings, I do everything within my power to stay positive! I take a short time validate my feelings, vent-scream-yell-type horrible feelings then delete them.

I just do whatever it takes to get the anger, hurt, confusion,and mixed emotions out of my system (so to speak) then I tell myself "you are stronger than this pain is, get up and spend 10,15 or 20 minutes at a time until you accomplish... (whichever goal you choose to work on for the day)"

It does take a lot of effort and energy (which I don't have most of the time), but I don't want to slide into the ugly grips of depression again, I want to be a good mom, wife, and the best ME I can be! I have to tell myself, at the very least, twice a day- to not let these problems control me, I want to be in control of the pain, the shakes, my cognitive skills; but I also accept that at times I will not be able to control it, and deal with the really bad times the best way that I can figure out at the time!

I keep learning new ways to do things every day, and when one thing doesn't work, I try new ways- and I will continue to do this until I learn how to live again!

I am so very grateful, every minute of every day, that I have all of ya'll on DS! Together we are working as a group to better our lives! I go by the motto: take what ya need/want and leave the rest! A wise friend taught me that!

Love all of you so very much!

My motto most to the time is:
If there is a will there is a way.

Most people with fibro are very hard working people who have accomplished a lot through remarkable ways. It is a wonder we lasted as long as we did. I don't think any of us are shouting yippie, I don't have to work anymore.

Grieving for our old selves is a natural part of the acceptance phase of chronic pain. Most of us don't go through this stage nicely either. We feel like we died. And, in a way, that other busy with the world person did.

However, after we get through fighting it, then we can figure out a new path or learn to pace in our old path.

Believe me, I fought it with every ounce of strength I could muster. And, still, here I sit. Depression, yes, I have it, most of us do. Matter of fact, many of us, my self included found DS feeling pretty much like you are. Wondering what was the use in continuing on in a life that will be filled with nothing but pain.

Guess what though, it does get better. Through understanding, research of your illness, sharing and caring for the others on this site. One day, you will slowly realize, hey, this isn't so bad after all. Yes, I have my bad bad days, but I have also learned to cherish the good days. Good luck to you.

I am not out of the race, I am just running a little slower.

ps, I love that icon, it it cool.

Everyone seems to feel the same way. I am disgusted that I am in pain all the time. I grew up on a working farm. I bucked bale, broke horses, showed cattle at the fairs, drove grain trucks and combines and tractors. Everyone alway asks me "what did you do to your back?" Life happened to my back. I didn't do anything. I just lived my life as it was. I was a athlete, a cheerleader, I have had 4 children and worked my butt off for what I have. I didn't do anything. This was the last thing I expected. I have 8 grandchildren and another one on the way and sometimes when they are here I can barely play with them. I have had a stoke due to a patent foramen ovale (hole in the heart) and the doctors don't know what kept me from stroking long befoe I did. Since I turned 48 my life has been a train wreck. I have been to the doctor more times in the last 5 years than I have been my whole life. It is frustrating and maddening. We have a new home and I can't even get the landscaping done. I have to work full time because my husband and I own a business and I have to carry the health insurance. It's a no win situation I am in. But the one thing I have on my side is my faith in God. I know in my heart of heart he will not give me more than I can carry. That is what gets me thru each day. Blessings to all....missourigal

I'm sure many of us feel this way. Of course we are fed up with the pain... it sucks to have to live this way. What sane person would volunteer for a future consisting of severe pain and no hope of an improvement? If we work at it we may be able to reach a point of acceptance that this is our lot... but that doesn't make our situation in any way desirable. It is hard to remain free of depression when your sense of purpose and worth is gone... ultimately, the question of 'what's the point of going on' is very likely to arise when pain steals the good life you once had. While it is not healthy to wallow in self pity, it IS important to voice it when we are feeling it's all just too much. Burying our feelings is not good for us... physically or emotionally. Yes, there is always someone who is worse off than we are... and it certainly does help to remember that. It also helps if you can find a purpose... even if it's just a few hours of volunteer work that you can do in your own home... or something you can immerse yourself in for your own interest. Sometimes just acknowledging that our life sucks can help us to move on to more positive mindsets... or sometimes we need to seek some professional help eg counselling, to help us deal with the dark feelings. The point is... no-one should feel the need to apologise for venting when life feels too difficult... because we all know sometimes our lives are too difficult.

There are times I would just as soon blow my head off then deal with one more second of this pain, the only reason I dont if because of my dog, mom, sister, nephew and birds. Not in that order, but they would be hurt. I even think my mom, sister and nephew would understand, but the dog and the birds would not.. so I dont.. I hang in there day after day, night after sleepless night, through the tears and frustration, then I usually get so exhausted from being in pain that I sleep and then I feel a bit better. I am not anything like I used to be, for one thing I gained 89 pounds from steriod shots I should never have had, lack of movement and bad diet has put on at least thirty more and I used to be a model... wah, I do sound like a big baby whining because I thought by now I would be back to normal and I am probably in denial too. Well hang in there!

There are times I would just as soon blow my head off then deal with one more second of this pain, the only reason I dont if because of my dog, mom, sister, nephew and birds. Not in that order, but they would be hurt. I even think my mom, sister and nephew would understand, but the dog and the birds would not.. so I dont.. I hang in there day after day, night after sleepless night, through the tears and frustration, then I usually get so exhausted from being in pain that I sleep and then I feel a bit better. I am not anything like I used to be, for one thing I gained 89 pounds from steriod shots I should never have had, lack of movement and bad diet has put on at least thirty more and I used to be a model... wah, I do sound like a big baby whining because I thought by now I would be back to normal and I am probably in denial too. Well hang in there!