yup therapist is the right move....good luck...hugs

Twstdrob,

I'm going to say this even though I know it makes absolutely no difference and cannot take any pain or sadness away: I'm so sorry! I know that I don't know 100% what you're going through because all of our pain is different, but I truly do empathize with everything that you said and I feel the same--sometimes so overwhelming that I don't want to actually end my life, but I want desperately to end the pain...and sometimes the overall feeling is more "manageable" (but that I don't actually feel like I'm managing it at all but I'm somehow finding the strength to keep on keeping on).

I of course agree with the others that suggest seeing a therapist (I see a few currently and have throughout my struggle with chronic pain) BUT I want to be honest ans tell you that I haven't learned anything that helps me manage the pain better, which is sort of why I started going--but rather talking to someone that in nonjudgmental, objective, and is there to listen to you just spill your guts and talk about how shi**y it feels to live like you do...the isolation, the complete and utter mental exhaustion it causes you, and how it generally consumes you--can feel really good, like a release. Just by verbally expressing everything I think and feel it helps me to kind of process through a little bit, plus it's helped me to better articulate those physical feelings and emotions in ways that help me outside of therapy.

I have to say that I've found this good side of therapy with "good" therapists that I trust and feel more connected to. I have been to one in particular that not only didn't "help" but made me feel even crappier because I don't think she really knew how to council someone in chronic pain. So I got out of that situation quickly and found another that I worked better with. So I definitely recommend first making sure that the therapist is specifically qualified with chronic pain, or just someone that you personally feel at ease with and a positive energy from.

Do you enjoy animals and things of that nature??

I agree about the therapist. Also talk to your Dr about increasing or starting pain meds. Are you seeing a pain management Dr?

Thank you everyone who has responded. I did make an appointment to get re-established with a therapist and also it has helped me immensely to just get it out to someone- Anyone who could understand. Yes I do love animals and have a 15 year old Jack Russel and a 10 year old Orange Tabby who both think they are my kids. Have been there for me more than anyone can imagine (Therapy Animals) my Dog is getting very old and I know I'm gonna lose him soon, but I'll know he had the greatest life a dog could ever have. The pain is crushing most of the time. I have been through every kind of treatment there is. Super hard to not give up some days but I hold on for my family (even though they try to understand, They Don't) I sure am glad I found this page and all of you. I can get through the night now. Goodnight everyone

I hope you feel better soon and get some better medication. Sometimes all it takes is the proper amount of medication! Hugs!

hi twst
I totally relate. I was just diagnosed with inflammatory arthritis maybe 2 months ago. I've been in awful pain 4 months. I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life. when you go to a therapist keep in mind that you are sort of interviewing them to see if it feels right. some people just want you to talk about your life for years which I have not helpful. I just found someone who focuses also on a solution and when you felt happy which is amazing. it is possible to find the right help. spirituality for me has been hard because I question everything. the support on DS from people who understand has been amazing.

Hang in there. Hugs

NY

Twstdrob,

My heart just smiled when I read about your dog and cat! I can't tell you how much I love animals (I'm like one of those weirdos you seen pulled over on the side of the road, standing out there and either carrying or guiding a turtle across the road so the little fella doesn't get smooshed). We have two kitties that bring so much joy to our lives -- they're like my little side kicks and they let my daughters very roughly live on them, like 3 year olds do, and dress them up with doll clothes and jewelry. They are extra special to me because at night, after my husband and daughter are fast asleep, when I'm laying there feeling alone, feeling the anxiety build and the pain assaulting me, at least one of them gets into bed and lays on the corner of my shoulder while I pet and snuggle them to calm me a little bit. It really does feel like they're my own personal therapy animals :) It doesn't bug them one bit that physically I'm a dud. I really would love to get a doggy--more so for my daughter because I feel guilty and sad that I'm not going to give her a sibling (another perk of being a chronic painter...boo) and she's such a little lover that I would love to give her the companionship and unconditional love that a dog would give to her. My dilemma with adopting a dog is the concern about being able to take him/her on all the walks they want and need -- it's a really big deal and effort for me to get out an occasional tiny walk with my daughter -- plus having the energy and discipline to house train ( if we adopted a puppy) and then raise/train the doggy to be well behaved enough to bring all that joy to our lives while not making our lives harder and more hectic as a wild little disobedient bugger that I created. I get very anxious when presented with anything that could potentially use up my energy, positive or just in general, because there is nothing in this world that deserves or that I want to give my energy to more than my daughter. It hurts my tummy to think that we would try to do something that can add so much to our lives and the doggies' life, that would ultimately lead to more anxiety and less energy for me and my family...does any of this make sense? I'm sure everyone can tell from my posts that I definitely think way too much things and analyze them too much...and I totally do :( but that's just kinda how I have always been and especially so now the I am trying to manage life in chronic pain. thanks for listening because even just getting some of this out in my posts as kinda therapeutic :).

Last thing...one of the original points of this post (before I digressed!) was sharing a few things with fellow animal lovers that can bring me joy and distraction. Let's face the fact that doing anything beyond the literal comfort of my bed, couch, floor and other "safe zones" is a concerted effort that I need to get mentally and physically ready for...and these things still fall in that category for me (even though they are happy good things) so I offer these suggestions up with the understanding that they can and probably will be the same for others. One thing is going to pet stores (I prefer to only go to "nicer", bigger, more extensive ones that are kind of like specialty pet stores only because it hurts my heart to see kitties and doggies in little cages and things like that) and build a little rapport with the employees and ask them if your can hold/play with the different animals! My daughter and I go to love to do this with ferrets, bunnies, rats, hamsters, and anything that's not make a super quick escape from our loving grasp! Plus, at these pet stores a LOT of the time they have broods of baby chicks, baby ducks, and baby turkeys that we can do the same with! I also check in with the stores because lots of times they have scheduled things like Sunday afternoons a kitten rescue brings all their kittens and cats in and work to adopt them out so we go play with them and hold them :). We basically cycle through the store revisiting all of "our" animals and it never ever ever gets old! It makes us so happy each and every time we go get our animal fix. In addition to part stores, we like to visit the different local animal shelters and kind of do the same thing we do at pet stores. It does hurt my heart seeing those little guys waiting to be adopted, but at the same time it feels great to spend time giving them lots of loving and attention while they're there. I'm going to mention this too, but I kind of assume we are in the minority in terms of availability to this kind of thing: we are so lucky to lives minutes away from a big university that has a well known agriculture and farming department which means public farms with goats, sheep, cows, pigs, horses, and one donkey that we feed apples and carrots to each week (Fred! He's our best animal friend there) whom watches over the sheep and protects them from -- I don't even want to say it --coyotes and wolves. At each barn there are several very social barn kitties that are always up for attention and playing and kitty treats we bring each time. This is all public and so easy to just drive right up to, basically no walking, and it has become a staple in our lives. Almost nothing feels better than getting to love on animals! There is also a pavilion next to the farms that has a calendar of events we can check out that include Cat Shows (yes, cat shows! Breeders come from far and wide bringing their kitty families with them and adoption centers attend with kitties, too!), Small Animal Days, Dog Shows and competitions, etc. I know that there are places like this everywhere and sometimes it's just a matter of looking things up in your area to find something you're interested in. With the amount of pure joy that animals bring to my life, all these things are priceless to me and truly are as good of a distraction from the pain as I could ask for -- well, besides stopping the pain, of course.

So, I don't know if any of this is at all appealing or of actual interest to you guys, but if it is I sure hope you experience some of the good feelings I get out of this stuff!!!

we have two girls (Now in their 20's) My oldest Jenna has always been and animal person. She Rescued everything you can imagine. we even had to break a door down to her room because she was hiding two kittens she had snuck in then locked her door with her outside and swallowed the only key so we couldn't get in. (didn't occur she would need in). She now has a Ranch with three race horses. a Cat, Two dogs, A House Duck (really) lots of Birds in the house (Like 10 parrots, 50 finches, a giant cockatiel several lovebirds and im sure im forgetting some. She works for the California Board of Beef in the State Capital here in the day and with all the animals in the night and every weekend. They grow so quickly soak in all you can when they are young. Im having a rough day after a dumb argument with my wife this morning. Feel a little better after reading your post on here. Without my Dog and Cat I could not have made it! They make me smile on a daily basis. My cat is indoor but we take him out in our big yard. He has this friend that has watched us for months from on top of the fence. all you could see was his head. a couple of days ago he came up to me in the yard and just started rubbing all over me. He is the cutest thing. I put food out for him every night and make him a bed up in our gazebo. My cat and him like each other so much. He don't know how to act with another cat so he is really excited each time they meet but its the only cat he don't puff up all big and his tail don't get all puffy too. Its the cutest thing ever. sorry im rambling so hope you are all have the best day you can in our situation.

Wow you really got some good responses. I read all the posts too. I'm happy for you that you will get therapist. Talking is good for the soul. I also wish you low pain too, and hopefully get a good pain management doctor where you live. Do you go to a church? I am fortunate, I do have friends nearby, but there was a full year when I didn't, and I get it about the isolation. Have you considered group support meetings? My friend does scream therapy when driving somewhere and says other drivers thinks "singing loudly". Then again, maybe your new therapist can offer you some options for meeting new people. They often will have lists of various groups that are open and available. Others use the AA types of groups for socializing.

I feel the saddest thing is to let go of our pets. I still have the ashes of my Golden Retriever Roseanna Mae. We love our animals like they are our kids. Why shouldn't we, most are like a 2 or 3 year old, but sometimes I think those darned parrots are pretty smart and far smarter than people give them credit for too.

OFF TOPIC. I had 2 double yellowhead parrots, one a hand fed baby (still captive 25 years later and will never be an outdoor parrot, and lives in New York now), the other a broncho (said to be untrainable and wild--ha ha ha, don't be fooled there) who ended up being a live outside parrot. First I had to get him healthy again as he was probably 15-20 years old and had been a caged bird. It took nearly 2 years to get him "fit as a feather" again and able to fly distances of a couple miles as is typical for that breed of parrots, they're short distance hoppers. Often, he would come home smelling like oranges apples or peaches and have sticky feet from the fruit juices. We went on flying and biking and skating trips and he would fly along with us, always wanted to be with us, and angry if you left him home. The kids loved him too. A few years later, he suddenly flew off with a huge flock of yellow headed parrots in Palos Verdes Calif. A few times over the years since, I thought I heard him squawking at me overhead.

I suffered loss and got somewhat low later, but scared as I watched him fly off with the flock, but, I was very happy that he did learn to live outdoors, and would be able to survive, then after I accepted the loss, I was grateful that he had total freedom to be just a regular and happy parrot among his kind. FREEDOM for him to fly wherever he wants, or follow the flock. But I know he's out there, wild and free. Priceless feeling.

Sorry, reminiscing ramble.....I love animals, especially those that get put back to the wild, when able.

@twst

Hope you are feeling better this week?

I have weeks like this- low dose a/ds help a bit. But I am not happy like before the pain. My expectations have changed on that though- I don't expect the same things out of life as before.

Our dog is getting older too; have wondered about getting a younger dog but can't decide.

Hope you are ok.

Just don't ever give up, you are worth it. In my worst times I calm my body take long deep breaths..this helps with the pain, distract your mind with movies and music. When I'm sad I play sad music cry and get it out. When I get angry I play angry music i let it out. When I feel depressed I fight don't let it consume you. Be strong. It takes a strong person to go through what we do, I will pray for you, angela