Well girl that sounds hard. Really hard. I've been married before to a successful musician who was hit on all the time and gone a lot so not having that support is hard. I'm lucky in that I've just relied on myself from an early age. When you have chronic pain especially you have to be really self reliant and it's a hard lesson learned if you haven;t done it at an early age. If he wont talk to you about it, find something in yourself to draw strength from. You can do it.

thanks beatleJ I will try that. I used to be really self reliant until I met him he used to make me feel so wonderful now that this nerve damage happened its like he doesnt want to be around me. Im really going to work on my school work and try to go to work more often everything is just so grr and to top it off because of the nerve block and the lyrica I gained 10 pounds last month which is really good. Since I left the hospital in January i lost 20 pounds and was at 75lbs now im up to 95 the most ive ever weighed the sad thing is i feel huge i havent been able to go to the gym or my classes and im tired of throwing up. i hate these meds. but going to work on my schoolwork. I will be so proud of myself when i get to be a teacher i can sub as one now but i will be so happy when i have my own room.

I hope your insurance is picking up most of the tab for the braces! I think it was pretty bad he ditches taking you to the doctor But, I found out, it is better to let them go out and have fun (without guilt) from time to time.. Now, going when your suppose to go to the doctor is not right. My S.O just bitches so much when I have to go to the doctor. We only have one car,and I rarely drive. Currenty, I am getting set up with new doctors, and have go alot this past two months. The doctor called today and want me to come in tomorrow. Which means he has to find time to come off his job to take me. Lots of riding in traffic and other general pains in the butt. Good thing he works for himself.

Being sick is no fun, and it is no fun for our family either. I encourage mine to go out and do things in order not to feel so overwhelmed with me. I get tired of being around me, sure can't blame them for doing the same. Plus, I get some rest and don't have to listen to them complain. So, if they have an opportunity to enjoy themselves, I am happy for them.

Anyway, your in counseling, your footing the bill for the down payment on your "our" house, and he forgets your doctor's appointment?

Did he do forget the appointment to be mean, or did he just forget? I think that would be the question I would have to ask myself .

If he forgot, give him a break, probably excited to see his friend. Just because the friend is bisexual does not mean they are attracted to each other.

If he missed your appointment on purpose, you have a real jerk on your hands. God Bless You.

hehe, I'll trade weight problems with you.

I don't want to sound harsh but why are YOU [singular] putting the down payment on the house for both of you? Is his name going on the deed? I don't know how long you've been married but something just sounds a little off. Also, if your financial advisor is questioning the house it may be that you're going over your head financially. Does your husband work also? It seems to me as yours is a one way relationship with you doing all the giving. I don't want to sound cynical but it sounds as though you have real doubts about your relationship. Does your husband usually treat you good and remember your appointments? Is this a one time incident or does this happen frequently? I'm really concerned about you. I was married to my first husband [now deceased] for 34 years and my present husband for 5 and I'm not an expert in the marriage department but when someone you love is hurting shouldn't you be there for support? Are you two still in counseling? If so, would you be able to discuss this there? I'm glad you're in school. It's not easy trying to do well in your classes when you're in severe pain. I know as I was attending college and was lucky in that my professors understood when I was in a lot of pain and they even worked with me to make sure that I'd graduate. [I did graduate Summa Cum Laude and had my last spinal operation a few days after graduation] As an aside, if your college has a department for students with disabilities I recommend you register with them and avail yourself to their services. I wish you much luck. We're here if you need us. Vent all you want.

Hi, Megan
I agree with beatle, you need to rely on yourself, it sounds like you husband doesn't want the responsibility, and he is resenting you for it, i know you are supposed to be able to lean on your spouse but if it is hurting the relationship, you need to pull back, and like she said find someone that can fill that role of you.

I am totally opposite then you, i like to deal with this on my own, and i enjoy being by myself, but i can understand where you are coming from.

I would hold off on the house right now if you can, and i don't say this to be mean and i can be totally wrong, and i hope i am
but i have seen this before when a spouse is going out, wanting to get teeth fixed, going to the gym and not wanting to be home, he may be looking or he may have someone else

I know that is harsh, and i am sorry, but i remember some of your past post, and this seems he has been resenting you being in pain, and counseling is great i hope it works

Just remember to love yourself, and try not to dump some things on him, i know you just want him to care and have him cuddle with you, but he may be associating that with you needing him and he might not want to be the parent type where he has to take care, and nurture you

take care

My hubby and I have been married for alomst 3 years. Up until this year I was working full time and going to school part time. My husband works two jobs and actually works a shift from thursday until sunday. He is a medic so i know that is very stressful on him. especially when you have a call where a 5yr old boy tried to sow his mom a diamondback rattlesnake. I wanted to cry just hearing about it i felt so bad for him. We are ok financially for the house it is just how the markets and the economy is right now. Our mortgage payments which hubby and i have talked about we are splitting we split everything but the mortgage will cost as much as rent where we live. I know that with his job the last thing he wants to come home to is me saying i hurt. I try to make things seem like they were. Im subbing in the schools but since i am not qualified for sped it makes it kinda hard getting jobs. I checked into the students with disabilities at school and am taking the packet to my dr tomorrow now. Hubby didnt forget my appt he just didnt want to go. And my dr has been trying to get him to come so he can explain what exactly the neuropathy is and how it affects me. I was the only one going to counseling and if i can get more work i will continue to go. It was the one place that i did feel safe talking and i knew that she wouldnt judge or talk bad about my husband. she has said before though that i needed to take a step back from our relationship and really look at it. I wish that things were like they used to be and especially like when we were dating and just couldnt get enough time to spend together but now that im living with chronic pain maybe it is just to much for him. I dont know i do want hugs and cuddles tonihgt. i have my cycle again and all he says is "are you kidding me, you need to call your dr" that was it and he said go take a pill and go to bed. he wlaked away. so im just trying to igure things out. thank you guys for all your support and advice i really apppreciate it

Megan,
You are going through a lot without doubt. My wife and I have had difficulty on occassion due to my conditions too. What I realized is that I was constantly griping about the pain, not a pleasure to be around at all, until I got my pain managed better, and didn't realize the emotional toll I was taking on her and others.

Not just the griping, but she worried about me constantly. the pain making me almost useless, being throw up sick, that all affecting my diabetes--It takes a toll on the people that love us.

What I'm saying is, and I'm inclined to agree with BealteJ, and don't take this the wrong way--is sometimes we just have to "bite-the-bullet" and put our best face on through the pain and sickness and take care of ourselves. Not that we should not accept help from people, but for a long as we can and as we are able; walk, stumble, gimp for ourselves.

I would be upset if my wife ditched me too--VERY--my point in talking to you about this is..Maybe take a look at how your condition affects him and perhaps that is where understanding his actions lies. Not saying that makes it okay. I realized almost too late what a strain my conditions put on my family-including my son.

When you add finances to all of this you got a great big pressure cooker. Stick with the counseling. If he is involved in that, it means something.

Let me know how you are doing. You'll be in my thoughts.

megan..for him to decide not to take you to the dr's (as you said later in a response), just because he chose to go out, and finding out he's a medic, rings a lot of warning bells for me. Of all things, he should already be aware about neuropathy..and not require 'explanations'. He could easily look it up on the internet, or find out on his job, just how debilitating a condition it is. Taking you to the doctor should have been his first priority...and i'm sorry to say that his $6,000 braces are NOT priority at this point in time - with a pending house ownership and mortgage. His priorities are all screwed up - which makes me really think you DO have to step back and take a good solid look at this marriage and your future. Getting in over your head financially, with you putting money you can't really spare as the downpayment on a house with the economy in such turmoil seems a huge mistake. He can walk away with your house - forcing you to sell. Then where would you be? I know you need sympathy and empathy. Doesn't seem you're getting much of either in your home and marriage - which should be your first refuge. It IS unfair. You're not married long enough for him to become 'fed up' with long term medical complaints. That's what people seem to be missing. He seems extremely self-focused and selfish this early on. You need to tell him - not when you're crying or feeling at a disadvantage - or defensive, but simply gather up your courage - write it all down in advance if you have to, prepare and practice your words if you have to - then tell him straight out that it isn't working 'like this'..and there have to be some solid changes made in attitude and behaviour before any house is ever purchased, and that you've decided you need to back out of the purchase. You should be able to gauge just where his priorities lie by his first reaction. Frankly I think you need to put the house on hold. Until the deed and mortgage papers are signed it's never too late. Unless both parties are truly committed to each other and making the marriage work 'in sickness and in health' then it's never too late to walk away from a bad relationship either. I did and have now been married 32 years, 2nd time around. Always trust your instincts, they're telling you what you need to know.
Best of healing...
Scotty

Megan I hope you're feeling a little better. It's hard getting sick once you're in a relationship. I didnt know what any of my diseaases were for years and was in pain all the time when Johnny and I were together and he just didny get it. However your sig. other being a medic perhaps it's too much of one world in one place? It's no excuse but he should understand better than most. Try and remember what it was like when you were totally self reliant. It's hard and the thing I've learned is that most of the people here are stronger than any people I've known.