well I think a factor of the unemployed because of the conditions is that the income is not there to really sustain any kind of dating relationship....I may be way off base but that to me would be the factor of my own fears....

Hi. I get what you mean and know how hard this is when you first meet people. If I meet someone and know I probably won't see them again I usually keep things vague and just say I'm not working at the moment then try and keep the conversation about them or something else..if it seems like this could turn into a new friend or partner I'll give them the basics of my cp condition and say I have problems with my back and legs and see how they react..I know how hurtful it is when they back away or look at you with pity but most people really have no idea, understanding or time for people with chronic medical problems so try not to take it personally. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this at such a young age and hope you have some people in your life who care. A lot of us here have lost contact with family and friends because of our cp so we know how you feel and I hope that helps you feel a little bit better and not so alone and isolated...Regards Maddy

It is hard to get girls to date you when you don't have a lot to offer them. The being unemployed is a big factor I think. If you were rich, I don't think your medical problems would be as big of an issues. That is how the world is sometimes. Also, healthy people are not going to slow down to come to our level and make accommodations for us. It just isn't going to happen. I am in such bad shape that just doing an hour of housework yesterday has my body so sore it feels like I was digging ditches. I wouldn't even be able to handle a vigorous sexual relationship like this. I don't really think about dating too much these days. I would just be a drag on any potential partner right now.

You might have to try dating someone who also has chronic pain, or who suffers from similar medical conditions. I have thought about maybe doing the same whenever I am ready to date again. A normal person is going to want to g out and do normal activities. I don't see myself ever dating a normal healthy person unless there is a nice person out there who is understanding. And you might find someone like that if you continue to look. I just wouldn't expect too much from anyone. Some of my own family do not like to be around me because I have limitations. I just continue to live my life for myself and not for other people. Also, I have read posts where one partner was jealous that their significant other was on disability and got to sit at home all day. Why would anyone be jealous of a disabled person because they got a small check? It just baffles my mind sometimes. Any how, I hope you find someone special who will accept you for who you are.

Honestly I think that people with serious medical issues do better to meet people in their own circles, so to speak. Support Groups for your specific illnesses (real life ones), Goto or Meetup groups for people with medical illnesses or on disability, etc.

Its not easy for someone with scads of medical issues to meet a normy and expect them to understand and not have fear of all that's wrong with you. The other type you get is people who "want to fix" you, and that rarely works either. The only reason my S.O. isn't scared off by my extensive med list alone is because he works close to the medical field, so he doesn't scare away easily.

Volunteer groups can be good places to meet people, compassionate people are usually the better choice for friends or a possible "date", they tend to be more understanding of medical issues. Church and those types of associations can also be good places to make friends who don't question your ability to be a friend just because your not perfectly healthy.

Sometimes if you're the type who wants to be with other people, you have to be a little creative. Have you ever tried seeing a Therapist and seeing what they recommend?

Yea Bill I think that's more so their reasoning than anything else. Everyone has some sort criteria for who they see as a potential partner.

I do the same thing Maddy, if I see that they might be a friend and not just a person that I have a single conversation with then I'll take the time out usually to explain my own situation.

I do have a lot to offer them, it's not money and material possessions though, my personality and everything else about me would have to suffice. Which for a lot it just wouldn't and that's just how people are. I surely don't think dating would be the easiest thing for me to do, even though I've done it in the past, but I'm still willing to try.

My parents mentioned that I should try support groups in person as well and I myself thought it would be a good idea also OldCPer but I just never had any luck finding any.

Thanks for the responses.

There are lots and lots of selfish people in the world.

Enigmatic:

You might try your local hospitals or therapy offices for support groups, they generally have lists of those types of groups that meet regularly. Meetup and GoTo groups can generally be found online and are listed by subject.

I hope your able to find some people that are understanding and enjoying of your company to meet and be friends with. Don't give up.

There is an awesome article written called "the Spoon Theory"- read it, copy it, carry it with you. If ever you find yourself in a position that you need to FULLY explain yourself/condition, this will help. This article was written by a woman who has Lupus (like me), however, it can be used to explain any chronic illness/pain condition. A MUST read! Hope this helps:) xoxoLyn

Oldcper it interests me about the goto group I've never heard of them and need to look them up

Here in America shallow is our middle name!

There are good kind people you just have to look beyond....

Bill,

I haven't checked in on them in a couple years, they were a copycat of MeetUp I think...not sure if there still in working order. But it was the same kind of principle.

I don't do any kind of groups like that, groups of people are not my cup of tea.

When I'm in Richmond with my S.O. we have to socialize a bit more and we're always very glad to get back to NC where we can be hermits! lol