Same here. My husband has no idea what I am taking, what doctors I go to or how I feel. If I say anything I get a list of all his aches and pains. I took him with me the first time I had an EMG figuring he would realize that this was serious...he and the doc made electrician/electrical jokes as I got poked.

But I also know that he does care about me. He has figured out that when I get short tempered I am in pain. He knows that when I sit a lot it's because my back is hurting. And if I try to carry something heavy he actually gets mad at me...lol.

They are far from Prince Charming but we love them anyway.

My dear hubby wasn't "getting it" until he drove me 100 miles to a doctor appt. He told the doctor "she babys it." The doc looked him square in the eye and said "it hurts."

Guys sometimes have the tough-guy mentality. Like the high school football coach who told my hubby to "spit on it and rub it in" after he got blocked from behind and couldn't stand up. Turned out his leg was broken above and below the knee. He had to wear a body cast for 6 months.

I'm sure he loves you. After all, you were the one who waited on him hand and foot when he was down in the back.

We're here for you. Gentle hugs.

Honor I think men run from illness and pain as fast as they can. Seems they are afraid to think about what might be bad and just don't want to talk about it. If they talk it makes it real. My guess is in a pinch he would be there for you in a minute. What they don't understand is alien to them and it takes time.

I am sorry you are lacking the support right now that you would like to have and deserve.

Sending you many warm hugs and please know I do understand. It is a lonely place. Keep coming here and let us support you.

man I can't believe I ever complain my family is wonderful. My wife is so understanding, my mom and mother in law are here for me 24/7 just a phone call away and they will sit there for an hour listening me go on and on, even my dad has jumped on the support train. I am sorry, us men can be so selfish and pig headed. I would never treat my wife like that when she went on bedrest for our dauhter I waited on her hand and foot so any guy that isn't willing to help there wife should be kicked in the ass, as for your daughter, well it sounds like she takes after daddy I would just try not to let her get to you, methadone is a very mild pain pill, and he comments are not truth and hurtful. I am sorry your going through all that. We as your ds family are here for you when your family failes, just try and remember people aren't perfect and we say stupid things more often then we should, I will keep you in my prayers

I understand how you feel. For the most part, my husband and kids are great but just lately my daughter told me that hearing about my back stresses her out and she needs a break from it. My husband 'politely' told me that it's hard for them to deal with. Gosh, I wish I could get a break from it, it's hard for me to deal with too!! It's not like I walk around moaning and groaning either. I never ask for help or anything, but I guess what I do tell them is too much. I think since it's not a pain they can see like a broken arm or something, it's hard for people to understand. It's not something you can describe to anyone who hasn't or isn't going through it.

honor435,

I am so sorry to hear that you are not receiving the support you deserve. I happen to have a completely opposite situation with my husband. He is very involved with all aspects of my health issues, from driving me to every single doctor's appointment to making sure that all of my medications are filled each month. He makes sure that I never run out of medicine because he knows that I need it. My Mother, on the other hand doesn't "get it" and as a result, we are estranged from each other and haven't seen each other for 2 1/2 yrs. It is really a shame that we can't count on ALL of our family and friends to be there for us. Like someone else already said though, you have your DS "family" to support you when your "real" life family doesn't, because all of us UNDERSTAND what you are going through. Sending Gentle Hugs your way..... :)

Men = Testosterone

Women = Estrogen

Doesn't make it right, it's the way it has always been and always will be. I remind myself of this in many situations where I think HE should be responding differently. I also remind myself of this when I am being irrational as well =((

Not that anyone is being irrational ( I read my post after I typed it and it could of been interpreted that way) I just think men and women are so BIOLOGICALLY different. And when I look at it that way, it puts so much into perspective =)

Another common theory is that men "need" to be protectors and make everything right. So when we have a problem that they can't control and they feel helpless they act out.

It also gets "old" to hear the same thing especially when you can't do anything about it. Imagine if you ruined a favorite sweater in the wash...nothing you can do about it. And them every day or so you talked about the sweater. Eventually even your best friend is going to hate hearing about it.

I try not to talk about what hurts. I find that my family doesn't want to hear it and honestly it just depresses me. Forums like this are a great place to vent, find people who understand and sometimes I even pick up a new bit of info....something I would never get from family.

I like the part about him not being a dink. I didn't think anybody used that term anymore.

I am in somewhat of the same situation with my wife. She gets aggravated when my memory is trash. Pain to her.....chronic anyway, is hard to comprehend.

I hope things work out, and I'm sorry for the situation you're in. I'm not sure if my wife knows all the meds I have to take, or how much I struggle sometime.

I agree that men also try to be fixers, so he might want you fixed, or really feels helpless.

Hugs,
David.

Honor, I am so sorry that you are not getting the validation and respect that you deserve from Hubby. Our partners are supposed to be extensions of ourself----completing the circle of compassion and care. It must be very hurtful and frustrating....at least that is how I would feel.

I have heard some people (spouses) say later, during times of chronic or life threatening illnesses, that they were so upset by what was happending to their spouse and they felt so helpless---being "non-chalant" was the only way they could cope.

It might be good for you and hubby to talk to someone---church elders, counselor, mediator etc.....chronic illness affects the whole family my friend.

My hugs and support to you my friend.

I think men or SO'ers just do not like things they can not understand or fix and in their mind we should hurt and then not hurt anymore as that is what happens to them. My hubby is caring and supportive but he also wants dinner on the table every day LOL I before my accident was a very strong person I was the bread winner and I took care of everything in the house, and I think it scares him a bit that some things are now on him YIKES in his mind.

I think it has alot to do with how we were before and I do try to give him a break as it is alot to take in but I have to say he has never said anything about my pain pills and he knows what I am on and does not give me opinion's on what I should do.

My hubby has never been the demanding pounding on the chest kind of man so I am sure if I was married to a man who was more of a control person things could be different

All you can do is keep on explaining and hopefully one day he will hear you. I think your daughter is worried about you that is all tell her to do some research and she will get it and see it is not as dangerous as it sounds.

david
I had a good laugh! I dont even know why I said "dink",i dont normally say that.
Thanks for all your responses, looks like im not alone.
Also, i rarely complain, so he thinks im a normal.

My husband was really concerned about the meds at first. I struggled myself with taking them & it only made it harder for me. My doctors spoke to him about it which helped. He also hated to see me suffer.
Men are different lets face it. The are "fixers" & we can't be fixed.

Your daughters comment I'm sure did not help. People do not understand the medicinal uses for these medications. There is so much ignorance out there when it comes to these meds, no insult intended.

Perhaps in time he will understand. My husband has 2 sides one that does & one that runs & hides. He has convinced himself that one day I'll be "fixed".

Although I have to say I can get nasty & would probably remind him of how he felt with his back, & also how he would feel if it had never healed. That's just me.
You have plenty of understanding here.
God bless & good luck, Sammy

I am sorry to hear that you don't have the support you want and need.

I am in the same boat. My partner doesn't understand what it is like dealing with CP and when I ask her about it she just tells me that it's nothing new, she can't do anything about it, and she is tired of dealing with it. I am tired of dealing with it too, but I don't have the option of just being "done" with it.

She will also constantly ask me about my prescriptions and asks if I really need to be taking all that and will even sometimes count my pills because she thinks I am an addict. Of course anyone on medication for a long becomes physically addicted to it, but that doesn't mean that I am mentally an addict to where I take it just to get some sort of high or take more than I am supposed to or even take it when I don't absolutely have to.

When I have flare-ups I don't get any sort of break. I still am expected to everything I normally do in a day regardless.

Like many others have stated, I too am surrounded by people who love me, but I still feel so alone in this battle.

I hope you find this group to help fill some of that void.

Take care,
Trina