I CAN relate! I have been suffering with my pain for over 17 yrs now and have lost many friends because of it. But I have made new ones also because of it. What really blows my mind is how my family and in-law family has handled it. If I need to talk about how bad I feel, they quickly change the subject or just ignore me. When I don't feel well,I will stay home instead of being miserable in front of people, and if I am out with people, I am up beat, but sometimes you just want people to know whats going on and maybe get a hug or something. I usually get nothing. My husband is the best but I do wish other people in my life would get it. I do have 2 dogs and they always understand! You are not alone!

Hi Carrie,
You are definitely not alone! Last year, my best friend of 20+ years stole my dog and has never spoken to me since. It was after a fall down the steps that left me with a broken leg, rhabdo and then RSD. My husband and separated around the same time, and I was totally alone. My parents died years ago and I have a brother who disowned me on Christmas Day in 2005, when I couldn't come to his house earlier than 5p because I was in so much pain. He too, hasn't spoken to me since. I did everything for my brother, SIL and neice and nephew. But when I needed some support, he totally blew me off. The only time he had any contact with me was when I was in a coma and it was touch and go. But when I recovered, it was back to disowning me.
Even one of my friends, from a lupus forum doesn't call or email now that i'm sicker than she is. It's like a competition- who's sicker.

I do have one good friend who I was friends with in Fla. We talk on the phone from time to time, and we plan on going down to Fla. next Spring break to see her and her husband and son. She has been through the ringer (cancer,ankylosing spondylitis,ulcerative colitis). We are both Christians and rely on our faith to get us through. Maybe that's why she is still such a good friend to me.

I've learned that you can't make people like you. You just have to move on and make new friends, like here on the CP site. We all know and understand what you are going through. I'm glad you're here!

Sandy

(((Carrie))) my heart hurts for you bc I understand all too well... The levels of betrayal in my life by people close to me have even made my pain psych's head spin. Not literally, lol, but it has shaken even her belief that nice people are "out there" for me. I don't believe her after all that's happened :( and continues... I wish I could be more upbeat but this is so real and so raw... The tears make it hard to type. All I can think to say is the Annie Lenox/Eurythmics lyrics: "sweet dreams are made of these...some of them want to use you...hold your head up; keep your head up, moving on. " (((hugs))) bc I care, raggedy

Wow.... I can tell you that I feel exactly the same way you just described. Everything you just said about the type of friend you've always been to your friends and how they've treated you is me exactly. So I wont go into my feelings about it or how I've been treated because YOU KNOW. I will tell you that the feelings of loneliness and loss we feel when friends do that to us causes me to feel that they were never my friends in the first place sometimes. Sometimes I feel like they were but they were just selfish. What I've learned to do is cut people off extremely quickly if I get any feeling at all that I'm being treated in the way you just described. I've implamented a "no tolerance" policy for people who treat me that way. I feel sometimes that maybe I've cut people off a little too quickly, but then I end up feeling like that's just the loneliness in me talking. Being that way with people definitely doesn't win me any friends. In fact I don't have any close friends at all right now, but I'd rather not have any close friend than to have people close to me that end up making me feel like crap. I've found that it's just not worth it. ..... But it is hard! It's very hard not having friends. It's also hard having friends that do that to you too though. What I do to cope with these feelings that we have is by focusing on what God HAS given me, and not giving up on people. Just because I've been treated that way by every friend I've ever had (weather it be quickly or after a long friendship), doesn't mean I judge new people I meet by the standards of other people I've known. I always give a person a chance to be who they should be. I don't ask for perfection. God knows I'm far from it. I just ask for some desentcy in the way I'm treated, and to be treated with the same respect I treat them with. That's it. People are right when they say, "Good friends are hard to find." The truth is a REAL friend is almost impossible to find. And that's for a number of reasons, that go past just how the person treats you. Finding a REAL friend is more than finding somebody that treats you the way a friend should, but it also finding somebody that you share common interests with. Someone that fits your personality with and that you can get along with. Someone that you can spend time with. After all those things are met then they have to be somebody that treats you with love and compassion. Finding all those things in a person is pretty dang hard (to say the least!).

My advice: Stay focused on people who love you and the blessings God's given you. Every time you get upset due to the empty feeling you get, remind yourself that not only is God the only thing that can truly fill an empty whole in your heart but that if you think about it God has blessed you enough to more than fill it. That's what I do. It helps it really does. I can't say it keeps me from ever feeling lonely but it sure helps a whole lot. Hope you feel better and may God bless you and those you love. :)

Oh Carrie, im not much good with words, so il have to keep it simple. Its true when its said you find out who your real friends are, when needed. Its so sad you dont get along with your mum, do you think if you showed her what you wrote here, she would come around, maybe she doesnt realise how hurt you are, i dont know. Days can be long with no company, i do feel for you. BUT and its a big but, you have a wonderful family who love you, i never had my own children as you know, but you have been blessed. Please message me anytime, you have a friend here for one, and many others here on DS, who value your advice and friendship, Carrie feel the love, its here for you, in bucket loads, love, hugs and friendship, Susie xx

gawd i thought it was only me, i have had so much betrayal in my life that its unbeleivable. i too have hard time beleiving that im pretty much alone in the world too and yet spent my whole life giving i can only hope the rewards are somewhere

carrie, i also completely identify. i was always willing to go the extra mile, but i did have some true blue friends - a couple of whom have lasted through RSD and all else, but they are all far away and our only communication is email or phone.
i've been in a new/old town (haven't really lived here in over 30 years). it's hard to get out, except for church and dr appts. my church is nice, but people work, have families, can't figure me out. i've never had a meal or coffee with anyone from there outside of church.
i really miss having someone to come over and just chat like i did in ny, who'd help me cook and clean and enjoy my food, just sit and watch a movie or hold my hand at a dr appt. my family (most anyway) refuse to get it despite sending them articles and stories hoping something will click for them. 8 months ago, i had hopes for making friends in this apt building, but everyone seems to be on the make. i've given a few people home-cooked food and groceries, but they've never offered to help me in any way. i'd invite someone in if i didn't feel like they were scouting my apt for meds, cigarettes and such.
i try to be satisfied with my own activities and online relationships. i was chatting with an online friend today and told her i wish you could just come sit and talk to me while i do my chores.
this worked for me before and i'm trying it again when i think of it. specifically praying for a close friend who is a Christian. there are so many lonely people in the world, but you can't just trust anyone now.
my heart goes out to you and all of us who would be totally isolated if we didn't have this connection. i hope someone comes along who will be a special friend for you!
hugs!!

I'll be your friend too. I'm not able to be there physically, but I'll be there emotionally.

I recommend you visit a nursing home. Most of the people there have no friends either. And they understand chronic conditions like pain. Anyway, I hope it helps.

Hang in there kiddo. Gentle hugs.

I am sorry for your loneliness and especially the falling out with your mother. That must really hurt.

But what I will say is that we don't ever seem to have it all. I, for instance, have friends and good neighbours, though my closest friends live far away, but I have no family of my own. So my loneliness is a lack of intimacy and closeness. I have always loved children but was not blessed with any, nor with a husband.

So we can feel sorry for ourselves in our deficiencies, or we can treasure what we do have. I hope this doesn't sound callous. I certainly don't mean to denigrate your suffering. I just wanted to point out that we all have blessings, which other people don't have.
And we will always be missing what we think we ought to have but don't.

You do have all of us, here at DS, and that is a huge blessing, I'm sure.
hugs,
Ama

Can i ever relate to the topic and to whats been shared, alot of good stuff has already been said but i'll throw in my 2 cents worth in to see if it'l, help you.

I've learned some hard lessons in life, dad warned me when i was a kid , son he told me people look out for themselves first so you need to look out for yourself. It's true alot of people i've know over the years that have betrayed me are selfcenteredly/selfishly ill only out for themselves, when they needed something they called me, if they didn't need anything they left me alone. I've had my heart stomped on, runover, trashed by those i thought were my friends but in spite of it i still believe in love and friendship. I only have one very close friend besides my wife and you all and thats all i need. His dad was my AA sponsor for over 28 years before he died and Pat is like a brother to me. I talk to him 3 to 4 times a week, i was in the hospital room with him when his dad died. Pat and i have a very special bond, we worked on the oilrigs together and hunted and fished in the rocky mountains for over 20 years. I learned better to have one good friend then one hundred flakes who only call you when they want something.,

Don't give up on friendship, cherish those who do love you, and try to make someones life better today and that void you feel will vanish.

Hugs,

Mikey

Carrie, I know how you feel. I am on the other side of the fence a bit. I don't have my own family or husband. I get so jealous of people sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a freak for not having any children. I was disabled at 29 and never got the chance. Doctor's orders. I feel like I've missed out on a lot. You are so blessed to have your family.

I lost many friends due to my disablities. I've made new friends, thankfully. We meet at my apt. every Wednesdeay for tea and lunch. I am so very grateful. I also feel very lucky to have found so many friends in DS. I cherish these people. I cherish everyone here for that matter.

I was never really good at making friends, but I am a lot better at it now.

People have told me to join a church to make friends. I'm just not that religious. More spiritual. I wish you luck. Someone said to me that I need to be a friend to get a friend. Bring them on!!! lol

I hope you feel better. It seems you got a lot of love from the group.

heatherhurts

Hmmm, funny that you posted this because I was thinking something similar yesterday.
I guess when you REALLY need people, not only emotionally but physically as well, you really get to know the person they are! My boyfriend of 7 years is basically less than a room mate! I feel isolated in the house most of the time, no car, no money, no friends, AND NO relationship with him! He doesn't really express what he's feeling most of the time, but when he does it's stuff like "I'm the one who works, it's MY money", "I work all day, my dinner should be ready when I get home", & anything else that sounds crappy to someone you're supposed to LOVE!
I've already decided that once I'm (hopefully) able to get disability I'm out of here to find a small place I can afford & I'll gladly be the "cat lady" because I'm never leaving anywhere without my cats! LOL

Hi Everyone!

So sorry for the delay in getting back with you. I just wanted to make sure all of you know how grateful I am for your responses. I know how difficult this subject is for many of you and I appreciate you sharing your stories even though it was very hard for you.

RaggedyAndee: I want you to know that when I read your post, I had tears streaming, when I got to the part where you shared the lyrics of the Eurythmics. I always loved that song back then, and the words really resonate with me now, so thank you for that.

Like I said in my initial post, I am VERY blessed to have my husband and kids, but do miss what friendships bring, not to mention I miss my Mother. I think I will always mourn the loss of her, even though she is very much alive. That one is by far, the toughest one to deal with.

I want to end by telling you how much I appreciated the outpouring of LOVE all of you were so willing to share and to others who sent me hugs. You are one group of very special people and I am glad to call all of you my "friends".

Hope you have a blessed day!

Carrie