Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
Well, as of this morning, I have offically let the pain win.
For those of you who don't know, I've planned on going to Gatton Academy for years. It's a program where you attend classes at WKU, stay in their dorms, and pretty much skip your last two years of high school. I've been taking every honors class possible, have played piano and horn in just about every honor band there is, and have been on the academic team for six and a half years. I had a perfect GPA and everything. I've struggled for the past 6 months or so to keep up. I've been doing well enough in school, but it's taken every ounce of strength I have. I haven't been able to get out of bed for more than a few hours due to pain and depressioin, and am on homebound.
This morning, I was supposed to retake my ACT to get the score I needed to apply. I'm confident I could've gotten what I wanted. But I've been pushing myself out of bed every single day, have lost most of my friends, and can barely eat without getting sick. My alarm woke me up at 6 to go take the test, but fo couldn't do it. I've been in bed all day. It was my last chance to get the final requirements for Gatton, and I've gotten a call from everyone I know, because they're all wondering why I didn't show. I'm hanging by a thread as it is, there's no way I would be able to make it there. It's been a life goal of mine but I've been debating it for months.. I got tired of pushing myself. So I gave up.
And, I have a week left in the semester and have B's and C's. I still have finals to take but I'm not even capable of doing well on those.
I just can't do this anymore. I'm finally breaking.
Since I've been gluten free due to the Celiac, I had gotten stronger, my memory was a little better, and the brain fog was finally lifting. But the pain has just gotten worse. Then, I got mono. So the pain is even worse than it was. Plus, because of all this anxiety, my peptic ulcers have come back... The pain in my neck has been spreading down my arms, shoulders, and chest and burns unbelievably bad. I'm so scared that my syrinx is getting worse. I'm so sick of having all these things wrong inside me and have to sit here and let it all tear me apart.
I'll make it, eventually. But right now I just can't take anymore. My entire life is falling apart.. And I can't ever catch a break.
I feel like such a failure.. :'(
For those of you who don't know, I've planned on going to Gatton Academy for years. It's a program where you attend classes at WKU, stay in their dorms, and pretty much skip your last two years of high school. I've been taking every honors class possible, have played piano and horn in just about every honor band there is, and have been on the academic team for six and a half years. I had a perfect GPA and everything. I've struggled for the past 6 months or so to keep up. I've been doing well enough in school, but it's taken every ounce of strength I have. I haven't been able to get out of bed for more than a few hours due to pain and depressioin, and am on homebound.
This morning, I was supposed to retake my ACT to get the score I needed to apply. I'm confident I could've gotten what I wanted. But I've been pushing myself out of bed every single day, have lost most of my friends, and can barely eat without getting sick. My alarm woke me up at 6 to go take the test, but fo couldn't do it. I've been in bed all day. It was my last chance to get the final requirements for Gatton, and I've gotten a call from everyone I know, because they're all wondering why I didn't show. I'm hanging by a thread as it is, there's no way I would be able to make it there. It's been a life goal of mine but I've been debating it for months.. I got tired of pushing myself. So I gave up.
And, I have a week left in the semester and have B's and C's. I still have finals to take but I'm not even capable of doing well on those.
I just can't do this anymore. I'm finally breaking.
Since I've been gluten free due to the Celiac, I had gotten stronger, my memory was a little better, and the brain fog was finally lifting. But the pain has just gotten worse. Then, I got mono. So the pain is even worse than it was. Plus, because of all this anxiety, my peptic ulcers have come back... The pain in my neck has been spreading down my arms, shoulders, and chest and burns unbelievably bad. I'm so scared that my syrinx is getting worse. I'm so sick of having all these things wrong inside me and have to sit here and let it all tear me apart.
I'll make it, eventually. But right now I just can't take anymore. My entire life is falling apart.. And I can't ever catch a break.
I feel like such a failure.. :'(
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I recently heard a great 2007 song the other day, "Falling Slowly" because it popped up in my newsfeed, accompanied by the sad news that the male singer, Glen Hansard, just died in a motorcycle accident. I learned that the song won an award and was featured in an indie movie called Once. I just watched it, and it's really good. They made it in 3 weeks on a $100,000 budget. It's streaming on...
I'm relieved to hear you say "I'll make it eventually"..
Hold on to that.
Try to remember that this is just a temporary set-back...
..oh..hell..I'm not going to try to comfort you right now.
You have every right to grieve.
I'm truly sorry life is being so infqir right now.
Hugs
jc
I am gonna write to you as a fellow CP and also as a mother. Listen, you are NOT a failure!! With all the stress you have had on your plate in addition to the pain NOONE would be able to keep that pace for long. PLUS you got mono on top of it all. UGHHH!!!! Give yourself time to feel better; a big part is needing to get much needed rest. When we are not rested the pain is exacerbated. I don't know if you have someone who could come and take care of you right now like your mom but if you do ask bc you need the TLC. I think there are ways to make up the ACT if I am not mistaken. Take one day at a time. Maybe you could let your teachers know your health is at a breaking point and you need some space in between your finals. IDK; maybe one of them will have a heart and let you schedule their exam apart from the others. I am sending gentle hugs your way, medicine for pain, a pot of soup, a warm robe and slippers, and a soft fuzzy blanket, body pillow and pillow top mattress that adjusts to help ease your pain. Oh yeah and an exam pass for scores of 100 just for all the effort you have put forth up until this point. BLESS YOUR HEART! Hang in there sweetie!!
Maybe you should just try to save all of your energy on you and getting better.
You can only do so much right now, especially having mono, which I hear really drains you. I hope you are still taking Nexium. If not, it sounds like you need to start taking it again.
Take care.
Jeri
I hope what I'm about to say won't anger you- that's not my mission.
Maybe this was God's (or nature's- whatever you believe) way of saying you're just not strong enough for the academic rigors of the academy right now. Not saying you won't be in the future, but right now, the focus must be on your health and not academics. You're life won't be over if you don't get in. When one door closes, a window opens. Maybe there's another opportunity for you out there, and this might put you on the right path for obtaining it.
That being said, I'm wondering if you wrote to the academy people, and your teachers and let them know, in great detail, about what you're going through right now. Anyone in their right mind can see what your illnesses have done to you. You went from a perfect GPA to B's and C's. You've tried so hard and if you really want to go there, then they should give you a chance.
It's worth a try if this means so much to you. But be sure to keep your health as the first priority right now. If you don't, then you might miss another opportunity.
I hope this helps. Let us know how you're doing. You are stronger than you think!
Sandy
I know this may sound trite, and I don't mean it that way at all....I had a son who was sick like you, not with the same things, but sick all of his childhood and most all the way through high school....that boy saw many dreams crushed, and many out of his reach. One thing he learned, the hard way of course was to create new dreams that were within his capability and reach, it wasn't easy and there were many times he quit or wanted too....mom kind of pushed him on. He's now a 21 yr old Firefighter who loves what he does, he's giving and compassionate and has always has a protective spirit...he loves helping others. There are times when he has to take a break and can't go on fires for a while....but he wrestles through it and then gets back to work and goes from there.
Life doesn't always make things easy, but if it was easy what would you learn along the way?
Hang in there kiddo, there are many folks here who know what your going through...we've all had to put dreams on the back burner and learn to make new ones as hard as it is.
Kat
A few months before college, I developed a very severe chronic facial pain condition that prevented me from basically living my life how I intended. I came into college with hordes of ambitious plans and goals, only to find them suddenly so much harder to accomplish. I basically spent my first semester trying (in vain) to mentally ignore my pain and still do all those things: join clubs, start a small company, enter honors programs, etc.
I eventually had to come around to the fact that my health problems were just about the only thing that really mattered at the time. I had to put the other things on hold for a little while, and things got a bit better after that. I know it might seem incredibly hard to do, but I think you need to take a bit of a breather with the academics for now. Keep things going to keep you busy (I still managed to pull off a decent GPA, but I basically had to drop out of everything extracurricular. It's different for everyone.). I spent my time with friends, tried to take it easy, read, went outside for a bit, etc. It was hard, but it helped me survive.
Shit happens in life, and things almost never go to plan, and often enough, huge setbacks often turn out to have a positive effect in the long run. Now that my pain is gradually going away (but only now), I can see how it forced me to completely reevaluate what I wanted out of life (for the better). I think I'm coming out of it a lot better than when I came in. Also, employers and professors have been understanding for the most part when I tell them what's happened to me to explain my sudden drop in academic performance; sometimes you just have to tell them.
All the best,
Neal
Kat
from where i sit you sound like an incredible success. i hope you will be able to see that soon.
please give yourself a break and re-group before you make any decisions.
hugs and hope!
Many hugs, and warm wishes... God will uncover your meaning in time..
Hang on, were here
Stinke
I took a break and just kind of chilled this weekend.
I have an MRI scheduled with the neurosurgeon to check up on my brain and spinal cord. And I've heard that your pain can get worse before it gets better whenever you are recovering from celiac, which I think is what is happening. Plus it's been storming nonstop for a week and it just makes the burning pains worse.
But my mom at least scheduled a few appointments to make sure i'm not getting worse, which is relieving, and my teachers are going to let me have an incomplete in my classes so I can finish everything up over Christmas. I also dropped out of one of my honors classes for next semester so I'll have less work. (it pains me to do, but I know I'll be glad later)
I'm currently all doped up and covered in heating pads while stuffing my face with chocolate. That's gotta help something, right? XD