I awoke today as i have everyday for who knows how long...In pain..not just sore but the kind of pain that makes you wonder if the reaper is in the next room waiting.

I have been pondering many things lately, my place in life, the reasons for suffering, even my relationship with my father who just left this earthly realm.

And do you know what i have come up with?

Nothing......

There is either no sense or order to anything and we all clamor about in the dizzying chaos, or there is some great and magnificent plan that is out of our control...Either way no matter what we do it doesn't matter.

I still find miracles in the little seconds that steal into my frame of reference, light glistening of a bead of water perched on a flower petal, the fluid way a child's face contorts into a smile and the way that that smile transforms the world around it.

There are miracles in this world, i just don't believe they are with purpose, i believe that they exist more to show us how small we are in the grand scheme of things, and im ok with that....

I have reinvented myself so many times throughout life that i have lost track of who i really am, i do know i am not the long suffering person locked away from the world, even though that is exactly who i seem to have been as of late. that's too cliche, i can not do that too much longer.

All of us here are going to suffer, that's pain, that's the veritable human condition...

I task myself and each and every one of you, fall in love.... Not with another person, not with yourself....not with your possessions...

Fall in love with life...

Life is not pain, pain is simply a condition that vexes us, it can only control us if we let it... And i know considering my attitude as of late this comment sounds very hypocritical but i mean it.

Find something to hold on to...something to love.....

Kris........