Doesn't sound like she really understands. It's one thing to say stuff but behaviour speaks volumes. Can you say 'no' to her requests? One thing I find useful is 'never justify, never explain'...by that I mean, you have the right to manage your own energy and body without anyone's permission! I tend to be a 'people pleaser', but you can't do that with this illness without hurting yourself. I've sacrificed my health to please other people and it gets you nowhere...they are never grateful and just expect more. You need to protect yourself. xx

I think Lupin1 is totally on the right track. You have to have some boundaries with your mom. The best book I ever read on the subject is called "Boundaries" by Doctors Cloud and Townsend. I know you are probably too tired to read, but it's a good resource on how to say no. Some of us need to be tutored in that area. We know what you are facing. My mom asks for things I can't do as well and seems disappointed when I say no to them. But I agree wholeheartedly with Lupin1 about what she said--"never justify, never explain." You have nothing to justify. People will take absolutely everything you are willing to give them. Don't hold your breath waiting for them to see that you are suffering. You must be your own best advocate. Say no in love. In the end, it benefits your mom as well because she can learn how to interact with someone who has a chronic illness. Many blessing on you, dear one. We love you. REST, REST, REST please.

Ah.....the mother-daughter relationship is a tricky one. My mother was an alcoholic with a personality disorder. She never asked for things either, never a thank you.....just stated what she needed and expected it be done, would NEVER take no for an answer. It took me 2 years of therapy (at age 40) to finally get out from under her thumb. I'm glad I became ill AFTER she died or she would have made my life a bigger hell.

Your mother says she understands and says she's supportive but is not backing that up with her actions. Perhaps next time she verbalizes her understanding and support you can give her an example of how you'd like her to SHOW it. Give her clear examples of when you are unavailable and when you are. What you are willing to do and what you can't. Some people just really need to be hit over the head with our reality. I hate to hear how you're being treated because I know exactly what that feels like.....being treated like a servant.

Learning how to say no....to other people AND ourselves....is one of the hardest things about being ill. You need to take care of YOU. Everyone who loves you needs to accept your limitations and will gladly do so if they truly care about you. You deserve no less.

Warmest hugs and deepest understanding,
Genie

Consider yourself hugged multiple times. I totally understand. Been there, still do that. Keep trying to stand your ground on managing your energy outputs. I know it is hard. I have been dealing with this illness for 10 years and I still have trouble saying no to friends and family. I so want my old life when I was so able to help and give. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You have a legitimate reason for saying, "No, I can't help today, maybe one day soon."

Thank you for your replies, everyone. You're wonderful people - I feel supported and cared for!

It's good to know others struggle with saying no, and also good to hear that saying no is necessary! I struggle a lot with my right to say that, but I think it's better to look at it like some of you do, and realize saying no is more a necessity.

I am feeling better today, thanks to a lot of rest and a day away from the troubles. And coming on here and seeing your kind words helps so much. Thank you again!