We ALL understand. I am so sorry this happened to you!

This lady is selfish and unappreciative. She is not worthy of your caliber of friendship!

You did your best job in offering your services, knowing you would struggle. You will learn, as you are now, that some people aren't worth....poo! You just encountered one of them.

Do not punish or blame yourself for what happened. Any person, worth their salt, would have thanked you for your efforts, hugged you and given you a pony ride to boot.

Let her go. There are lots of good people out there.

Hang In! It's a bumpy ride with this disease.

You are understood. Trust me!

Blessings!

Thanks for your reply and nice words!!

It seems that even friends who say the get that I am ill really don't. I was asked by another friend (who does appreciate my help) to give them a ride. ... About 30 minutes beforehand I was on the phone with a 3rd friend and I told her I was really torn. I wasn't feeling good and giving the ride would prevent me from having the energy to do what I really needed to do for myself. She asked how long it would take me to give the ride, I said about 2 hours. She said that won't take much energy. I replied there are days I can't even take a shower and two hours of energy can be huge for me. This is a close friend who has seen me struggling since I got sick 4 years ago

Btw I did give the ride and returned home to be in bed the rest of the day with a massive headache. And I am not able now to do what I needed to do

Any wonder you're feeling hurt. The lady has no idea what you go through with this illness and what a huge effort you made for her. I think many of us here need to learn how to protect our limited energy and say no when we know that is what is needed for our survival and healing. I myself am still struggling with this, and often feel obligated to put others first at the cost of collapsing myself. More awareness of our limits and more self love is needed. You were so kind to the lady but needed to be kinder to yourself and stay home and rest. I don't know how many times I have made the same mistake. Hugs to you xo

I don't have CFS, but I hate that people don't generally understand... my husband has been ill for most of our children's lives. We have good friends that help us sometimes when I'm complicated and can't take the kids to an activity or something like that. About a month ago, he got sick and I was particularly worried about him and I asked her if she would mind taking my kids to this activity (her kids were going, too). I didn't want to have to tell her that he's not been doing well. He's so private. When she brought them home she was surprised that I was home. She made a comment which made me think that she was thinking that if I was sitting at home then I should've been with the kids. Because she probably thinks I'm twiddling my thumbs at home. What occurred was that those days I wanted to be available because I wasn't sure how badly off he was or wasn't. I was just trying to take care of him and I didn't want to be away for the 4 hours of that activity. I was so hurt and angry. I haven't asked her to help anymore. I never asked her too often anyway.

The thing is that this should be the case even if you don't have CFS. If I have a friend who tells me that they can't do XYZ, I have to respect that because I don't know the inner workings of her family, or intimate details, etc., nor does she have to tell me.

Totally agree. It's actually selfish of them to expect 2 hrs or when they would already be taking theirs. Are you able to share rides taking hers too the kids activity? That would be even more disheartening if that is the case. Sometimes it's hard dealing with people.

Some people are a real stickler for time because they think it reflect bad on them if a speaker it's present beforehand. It's their problem to own. She was not paying you and should thank her lucky stars you came. Maybe she needed a message beforehand that you were running behind.

My family really doesn't understand. You really have to drumit into people's head. I think it's to hard making a comment to others when there is a possibility you might not be able to complete something in a manor of expectation or you need to explain before arrangements are final the with your health issue you don't know what to expect and is that alright with them. That would be my take. So often I say I would like toif my body is cooperating, but I don't make comments were there is a direct need for me to be present. I spoke in church only with the understanding that I didn't know how long my body would hold up and I may or may not be able to, and that I sit with a microphone. They agreed and I was able for 10 minutes which was half the time I would have taken normally.

Hi, Emeraldeyes - We actually share rides often. I take her kids, she takes mine, but clearly she thinks she does more for me than what I return. I don't think so, but to each their own. I didn't even mention any of this to my hubby because I was so hurt about the whole thing.

CFS and Fibro require us to really learn about and practice setting boundaries with people. We can no longer expect even well meaning people, people who live us, to understand. We have to set limits and are not obligated to explain it of justify our decisions to anyone, because it would t make sense ho them anyway. I've been practicing different ways to communicate, as I hate to have to just cut out al, people from my life...don't have many left yo cut out. Many have left, based on comments they've made in past, that I sound like I'm complaining, or making excuses, or talking about my health too much. So i cut back the explaining, which was an attempt to draw us closer and help them understand where I'm coming from. I've asked people if they'd rather not know WHY I can't do something with them, then I will just decline without explanation. Other people can say "I can't come because I'm going to a concert with xyz". Yet it is not ok to say, " I can't come because I'm having a flare up, but I hope you will invite me again." Personally, if someone turns my invitation down without explanation, I am less likely to ask them many times as I will get the impression it just might be me they don't want to hang out with. I always think it is polite to let someone know why you can't make it, but some people just really hate to hear anything physical. One friend has a granddaughter who sounds to me like she has CFS, and my friend looked and me and asked, in an annoyed way " why does she keep wanting to talk about it?" I told her for myself, sometimes I'm just trying to understand what's happening to me and hoping maybe someone listening will respond " oh I have that, and this is what helps me" . It's true, the longer we have this disease, the less experiences and other people we have to talk about with others. I'm going on 30 years with it, and I try to be conscientious that people may be tired of hearing me mention my health limits, so I've resigned to being more and more alone, i don't want to drive the few friends I have left away, and I don't want them to give up on me and not ask me to do things in the future. Catch 22. Sometimes I just plain lie and give them a reason they can understand such as, I was late because I lost my keys, or had a friend with an emergency etc. Sure sucks though!

Megan, I understand that. I don't understand why so many people forget to try to put themselves in someone else's shoes. I have many acquaintances, but few friends. And, the longer my husband suffers with this disease, the more difficult it is for me to maintain my few friendships. That makes me sad, but the truth is that the people who don't understand make me uncomfortable and I don't want to be near them, and I don't want them near my husband or children, so I'm okay with them leaving my side.

Hello, dear. I'm sorry it took me so long to see this. I've been in a crash. I am really sorry this happened to you. I have had those moments as a mom as well. Like, I have to go to the school to help out with something, but I end up being a sweaty, confused mess and I have to leave early because I'm too sick to stand. So, yeah, I feel you on that. I hate to say it, but you may have to let this "friendship" go. She does not get it! Really, no one gets it unless they have it. I'm glad you are here with us. We understand how you feel.

You did the best you could. I understand how easy it is to speak negatively towards yourself when your body lets you down. People in general don't recognize our struggles because we often look fine, yet we feel like we have been hit by a truck. I am proud of you for even attempting this project! I feel like I can learn from you and start trying little projects again. Keep being awesome.

Emerald .. I called and told her I was running late but the call only irritated her

Megan .. I totally understand what you are talking about. I wonder sometimes where peoples compassion is. .. This may sound awful, but maybe it would be better to get cancer rather than CFS. At least, you aren't looked on critically. Maybe if I had cancer I wouldn't say such a thing but just feeling lonely and frustrated with people's lack of understanding