Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Support Group
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) describes a sense of exhaustion and post-exertion malaise, even when you have gotten enough rest and sleep. The disease is characterized by six months of incapacitating fatigue experienced as profound exhaustion and extremely poor stamina, and problems with concentration and short-term memory. The cause is unknown, but it is a...
Ok, now I've really had it! I thought I was coping ok, gingerly moving thru each day, feeling somewhat emotionally stable and trying to control anxiety and panic several times each day. Today I carefully planned to attend a small event, struggled to pack everything I needed, even arrived early to do some deep breathing alone. I think I'm ok for about the first 30minutes, then (I will attempt to describe the craziness that seems to invade every waking hour) THE HEART PALPITATIONS START, FEELINGS OF HEAT STROKE, head and chest feels like its going to explode, the sound of the people makes me nauseous, my body has a blood sugar attack, etc.. I excuse myself and in the bathroom douse myself with cold water and find a bench to lie on for 20 minutes. I return somewhat refreshed and sit some distance at the back after grabbing a few cookies they put out. The mtg ends and it's time for refreshments. I am in a rage and feel paranoid as people smile at me. I want to kill them and feel
Ike I will physically explode. 2 people at the mtg are very well versed on my illness. One, my friend Margaret, is a compassionate lady, who, that morning even arranged for the room to not be over-heated on my request.
Now I have the familiar panic of how I will get home. I have severe pots and take lots of salt, etc..
I am desperate to get the snacks and leave. Because I am caught in a web of anger, I cannot convince myself to just leave, I WANT THE SNACK. I wait 5 minutes while everybody crowds the snack area, a high counter, No one is offering me any help. I finally go up and because (I ALWAYS) feel like I am collapsing, embarrass myself by being rude and grabbing some food and drink. I want the anger to come out, it is palpable. After eating, I Force myself to a quick goodby and leave. As I exit the door into a lobby with 2 chairs, a lady I know comes after me, calling me. I LOST IT. I screamed out" I can't stand anymore!! I'm going to faint!! I can't live like this, feeling like I'm going to faint every hour of every day!!!" THEN I START LOUD SOBBING AND SCREAMING. Thankfully it doesn't last and (a side note this lady REALLYunderstands the illness . She calms me down and I say Thankyou)
I know I will forget this anger by tonight/tomorrow but how much can someone take! My life feels so reduced!!
Not in a good place tonight, I hope you are all coping ok.
Ike I will physically explode. 2 people at the mtg are very well versed on my illness. One, my friend Margaret, is a compassionate lady, who, that morning even arranged for the room to not be over-heated on my request.
Now I have the familiar panic of how I will get home. I have severe pots and take lots of salt, etc..
I am desperate to get the snacks and leave. Because I am caught in a web of anger, I cannot convince myself to just leave, I WANT THE SNACK. I wait 5 minutes while everybody crowds the snack area, a high counter, No one is offering me any help. I finally go up and because (I ALWAYS) feel like I am collapsing, embarrass myself by being rude and grabbing some food and drink. I want the anger to come out, it is palpable. After eating, I Force myself to a quick goodby and leave. As I exit the door into a lobby with 2 chairs, a lady I know comes after me, calling me. I LOST IT. I screamed out" I can't stand anymore!! I'm going to faint!! I can't live like this, feeling like I'm going to faint every hour of every day!!!" THEN I START LOUD SOBBING AND SCREAMING. Thankfully it doesn't last and (a side note this lady REALLYunderstands the illness . She calms me down and I say Thankyou)
I know I will forget this anger by tonight/tomorrow but how much can someone take! My life feels so reduced!!
Not in a good place tonight, I hope you are all coping ok.
I hope you find a good place to go to. Tie a knot in the end of the rope to hold on better. Glad you took the time and energy to share. That is always a help. Take care.
So..have to cut all sugar and the carbs, trying again now, not easy, but that fluctuating blood sugar can cause havoc.Hey pouty, we wouldn't be such good shopping buddies right now.Hang in there, love to ya
i admire that you still get yourself out to events like you described. I'm hoping that today is a better day for you. thanks for sharing.
You are so brave to write down and share with us what was going on in your head.....I am still a bit embarrassed when my thought process follows that route and that I feel that way at all. I wish I had the guts to sob and scream in public.....I'm still stuck in the mental mode my upbringing put me in......"we must present a happy face at all times, nothing rude, crude, or socially unnacceptable"........ugh!
I truly wish I could give you a great big hug right now, you are my hero.
Feel better soon.
Genie
Your comments have shown me that I need to let my true self out and it will still be acceptable!! Thankyou!