Hi Lilly - I hear you. I was suicidal back in May and came here to say I was ready to go. Some good folks asked me to hang in there and see if things got better. I did, because as it turns out you never know what is around the corner. There can be remission periods. Now with the new movie out we just might get some tests and medicine in the next 5 yrs. I'm willing to try, to wait, because even with CFS each day is a gift. I don't mean this to seem trite but if you have even one moment of joy and peace. One bird outside the window, one song that triggers a good memory, one good warm shower/bath/facecloth to soothe. Accomplishing something. Even if it's just making a list of things you'd like to do on good days, or chores to do each day. A purpose. Having a purpose matters.
About the abuse. I hear you. My brothers molested me from age 8-10, at the same time as I was going through the dx and fix of a genetic bowel issue. When my mother found out she forced me to never speak of it again. It was 46 yrs before I did. You don't owe your abusers a single moment. Tell if you have not. See a therapist if you have not. Listen to guided meditation. Seek spiritual help if you have a spiritual mindset. Come here and talk to us. We aren't always around but whoever is will reach out. We're like that. Don't give up, but perhaps DO give in. Acceptance of this new way of life is a great start. Find some books that help you. For me it was "how to be sick" that changed everything and brought me to this group and others for support.
Do one thing each day and soon it will be 6 months from now and just maybe, things will be better.
PS, if you do not have a pet, and you can have one where you live, I'd suggest you get a cat, even an older one so there is no kitten hassle. Someone to take care of and who will snuggle with you. Sending you some reiki energy for peace and hoping you come back to let us know you are ok.

Hi there Lilly. I feel for you. I'm sorry that you have CFS every day and that you are struggling with so much alone. Being sick so often brings about isolation and loneliness. So it's good that you have joined DS. I know it's never the same as having in the flesh friends who can hug you and hear your voice, but it most definitely helps being here and developing online friendships. We are all very real people here, and due to our own suffering, it is not difficult to understand yours ,and to offer support and hopefully help to ease your pain a little, and give you strength to carry on.
I myself was at a very low point in my life when I joined DS over 4yrs ago. It has taken time , but I genuinely believe that my friends here have turned my life around. and I am so very grateful.
So I encourage you to take shelter here, make new friends, reveal your feelings in journals if you want ,and know that we are here to help and not to judge. Love and blessings to you.

I hear you. I am here to listen. I would say "Ditto" to so much of the suggestions Nina and Aussie shared. Looking for those little joys in life. A bird's song, the sunlight through your window, a favorite song on the radio, the warmth of water on your skin. There are tiny bits of joy out there. I would also agree that cats are the easiest pet to care for and they usually love to cuddle. There is also something soothing about he vibration of their purrs. I also find that writing down my feelings in a journal entry are very therapeutic. I am also very optimistic about the progress being made in the research of CFS. Some real help may be just around the corner. I have dealt with this illness for 14 years now. One thing that helps me when I have the extra energy is to volunteer in even the smallest way. It gives me purpose.

Hi Lilly. I joined Daily Strength just to tell you I know it's miserable but there are many of us who have felt the same way and you're not alone. I've never joined a support group of any kind but felt I needed to let you know that in the hopes you listen to just one more person. In addition to ME/CFS I was molested by my father and have had many other tribulations which have thrown me into many paths I never thought I would have to travel. In addition to the above I have anxiety and it really sucks when I think of everything at one time, I know how easy it is to feel overwhelmed. I can tell you that a few things my doctors tried were ADD medication and physical therapy. I can't tell you it's a miracle but there are times that one more thing makes the difference. Hang in there and you will be in my prayers.

Hello, Lilly. I haven't been on DS much, but I just read your post. I think most of us can relate to what you are saying. I was also abused as a child. Those memories have to be dealt with while I'm dealing with ME/CFS. It complicates everything so much. Listen to your body. Listen to your soul. There may be times when you need to just rest and breathe for a moment. We are here for you. There are people here who will listen to you. We all have those moments when we think we can't go on one day more. I know that feeling. I really do. Do talk to a doctor about the depression. Sometimes meds can help. We all know this illness is not caused by depression, but it can cause depression to develop. Who wouldn't be depressed when they feel like this? You will be in my prayers, dear Lilly. Much love.

Hi Lilly, I had a tough childhood growing up and just learning about all of the health-related problems that I had because of a dysfunctional environment. Some of the symptoms carried over into marriage then into being single once again and then into a complicated relationship. Recently I've had to experiment with supplements to try to get rid of the CHRONIC FATIGUE. I've learned that low electrolytes, can cause a chronic lethargy or weakness. I also started taking Adrenal Fatigue vitamins by Dr. James Wilson which have given me 100% of my life back; these have performed magic not like any other vitamins. I've tried other OVER-THE-COUNTER vitamins but they didn't give me my life back. I also try to eat healthier to reduce the symptoms.
I also had my other hormones checked which were part of the problem for CFS. I was treated by a Pharmacist who introduced me to Dr. James Wilson's vitamins and a Stress Complex that consisted of various roots. All of this together, gave me 100% of my life back. Also, Vitamins and nutrients are depleted with Adrenal syndrome which causes Chronic fatigue also. A lot of vitamins and nutrients got depleted when I was diagnosed with thyroid problems and at the same time I had Adrenal syndrome. I hope you find a supplement that can improve your health.

Hi Lily -

I don't have any experience with the kind of emotional and physical abuse you do, but I've had CFS for over 20 years, and on that I can definitely sympathize.

The whole "lay down and die" feeling is one I have every day. I hope you've told your friend how much she means to you and that you've described how and why you have to rely on her. Perhaps she's never known how important she is in your life?

Other than that, all I can say is please keep going. I want all of us sufferers to keep going, despite how hard it is. I dream of the day that scientists and doctors at least find a test for this awful disease, and we won't be invisible anymore. I know that day will come.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this Lilly. It sounds a bit like despair. The lack of support can feel dreadful, I know. I felt like that for a long time...gradually I have found lovely people online and a few in life who are really supportive. Healing from abuse is very hard and painful. I had/have a very psychologically abusive mother and suffer from PTSD, which is common. Identifying support may be important - a doctor can help with the depression and feelings of despair. There are resources for abuse survivors online and videos on Youtube. Also, just talking and being witnessed is very healing. So much more research is being done on ME now, which is hopeful. I have found listening to my body and pacing helpful for very slow recovery. Also, changing expectations and being in the moment has been healing for me. This is a cruel illness, but I do believe there are ways back, however gradual.

You sound overwhelmed currently, which is understandable. If you get to a point where it feels right, getting some help and support with the abuse might be good. Or finding ways of doing inner child work and giving yourself some love.

Big hugs to you in the dark place in which you find yourself. I have been there.