It's true that you end up blaming yourself to an extent - or feeling guilty about being sick. These are unfounded thoughts but they do creep in. I think it's really good that you are able to forgive like that - I'm not at that point yet.

In fairness to you my friend, you are dealing with far harsher circumstances than I am, you are an incredibly strong human being.

God Bless you.

Hi,

First, I like your handle; it reminds me that anyone suffering with this disease is often in the midst of some sort of battle every day.

Of course it's not your fault! It's not anybody's fault. It's what's happened to you -- us -- and all we can do is keep living.

Forgiveness is hard for me, too. My inability to forgive has ended friendships, driven family members away, and stunted my career (along with the CFS itself, of course).

I suppose I've made some progress over the years but I'm never completely at peace with what I've said and done in the past. But as a friend once told me, "Holding a grudge is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die"! So true.

Best of luck to you. -- Jeb

CFSWarrior, I know exactly what you mean, and feel that same way, most of the time. It's like emerging from hell, that sense of peace with it. It helps with coping. It took me years and years to get there.

I can resonate with what you are saying. There are almost no words that can depict how refreshing it feels to accept ourselves. I can totally relate because I too let cfs steal me from me. Giving myself what I would give to another was and is a well walked path. Thank you for reminding me.

Thanks CFS Warrior. For me, acceptance is the key. I used to beat myself up thinking that there must be something I have or am doing wrong. Then I realized maybe it is not me. Truly accepting things as they are, instead of the way I would like them to be (or the way others want them to be), puts me in a place where I can let go and not carry the resentments (forgive) and move on emotionally. Then I ask myself, if I truly accept my situation, how can I make it the best it? Reading this groups encouraging words is one.

I agree with Sam7777. It's the acceptance that has given me peace and forgiveness of oneself is a great part of that. Also the realization that acceptance doesn't mean surrender.


Great topic CFSWarrior! Thank you for posting.

I do want to clarify, though, I think my peace with my illness also comes because of my age, 55. If I were younger (and I was younger, only 30 when I got CFS, 40 MCS), I would still be very resentful, angry and hurt.

I figure at my age and in my condition, every day above ground is a good day.