Christian Support Group Community Group
This is a place for everyone who loves Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior (or those who are seeking Him), to come and discuss important issues in their lives and find support from fellow believers in regards to their faith and life. We uphold the Bible and living a Christ-like life, not as a way to heaven, but as a reflection of our love for God.
I honestly don't know how to start this...I'm currently staring at my computer screen thinking about how I ruined and broke someone I love because of my lying problem. To start off, I have never been part of a support group of any sort or had any accountability partners before. I feel completely alone and suffocated, don't know who to talk to, and decided to join an online support group. My insecurities, wanting everyone to have this unrealistically perfect image of me, not wanting people to look at me as a failure, or anything less than the perfect girl is what started my lies. Because of this I'd never been able to truly open myself up to anyone. I stopped people close to me from seeing the true, unedited, flawed, raw version of myself. As i'm reflecting on my 23 years of life, there is no one I truly connected with. I'm just saying what's on my mind, this post might be all over the place and I apologize for that. I'm currently in medical school in the Caribbean and I started a relationship with a God-fearing, honest, and amazing man 6 months ago. Going into that relationship and getting to know this guy, he is everything I ever looked for and wanted in a future husband. I prayed over him and our relationship, he was the perfect guy God placed right into my hands. From the beginning, I knew I should've come clean to him about my past but I never had the courage and felt too ashamed to tell him the whole truth. I gave him bits and pieces of the truth. He is so wonderful and a great guy that I wanted to put up this false idea of my past, thinking that if I gave him the whole truth he would never want to be in a relationship with someone like me. I told him everything about the previous guy I was in a relationship with for a year but I never told him about my sexual history with that guy. He kept asking me every now and then, we got into a lot of arguments because he felt as though I was not telling the whole truth to him about my past. And he was completely right. But to keep that lie going that I first told him, I continued to lie to his face everytime he asked, and I made him feel as though his insecurities was the problem. He was the guy I wanted to marry and have my children with. I wanted to go through the mountains of medical school and residency with him by my side. We crossed so many boundaries with each other in only 6 short months. I had the key, the solution to all our arguments and problems in our relationship but I chose to keep up my lying to maintain this perfect, saintly image. Keeping something like this that he deserved to know weighed me down so much and I couldn't take it anymore, the lying and manipulations, that I came clean to him about my past yesterday. That was by far the toughest day of my life and our relationship. I tainted his pure and gentle heart with all my lies when I had the key to avoid all of this in the first place. Now I don't know what to do, I know it will take him years to forgive me. But I ruined his life because of my cowardliness and I don't know how to live with that. My apologies won't mean a thing to him and the trust is completely gone. I am 1000s of miles from home with absolutely no one to turn to in this third world country. I know this post is all over the place and does not have all the details of everything that happened. But I'm pleading to everyone that comes across this post and takes time out of their day to read this to please please please pray for complete healing over the person I hurt. What I did was unforgivable, I hope God gives him the healing to trust, love, and cherish someone again. To move past this. And please pray for me because I'm consumed with shame, guilt, and pain for what I did to him. Pray that I completely stop my circle of lies and live in the truth from this day on out. I don't know what to do so I'm asking for advice. I don't have accountability but I need someone to hold me accountable. Pray that I find someone to do that with. Please pray that he can get through medical school and study hard even through this pain that I caused him. Please pray that he forgives me one day. Please pray that I have the boldness and courage to always say the truth and nothing but the truth from this day forward. I need each and every single one of your prayers. Thank you.
Second, lying, even about past history is not ethical. Above all thing, ethics comes first for a doctor. So, if your lying habit extends to your whole life, you really need to repent and let God help you.
I would say you have a super A, perfectionist personality. To the point of OCD, I don't know? But definitely on your way. You need to seek counseling and nip this in the bud, before it destroys your life. Being in med school being perfect are all part of this issue. And I doubt you will figure it out on your own, regardless of your medical training.
Third, you told your now ex-bf that you have had previous relationships. What makes you think you had to tell him every detail? A counsellor, pastor or even priest is who you tell that too. Just because you are driven by guilt doesn't mean anyone needs to know. And mostly, is because no man wants to hear that kind of detail.
You really don't have the ability to hurt anyone for life. Certainly not after only a 6 month relationship. No one can really be hurt that badly, because you don't have that kind of power. Only God has that kind of power. He will recover, I assure you. The question, is will you? You are being catastrophic about this, which indicates to there are a lot more severe issues going on in your life, that really need probably psychiatric help.
Finally, do you know Jesus as Lord and Saviour, or are you just praying to some generic god up in the sky? You certainly have no trust at all in God, if your post is any indication. And I am not accusing but rather, relating to you that I went through that for most of of my Christian walk, until I went to seminary. Then God gave me this passage, which I said every day for 2 years, until I really believed it.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." Prov. 3:5-6
God works all things for our good, (Romans 8:28) including the mistakes we make. If it is over, trust God that he has another path planned for you, and that he loves you, and will never leave or forsake you. It is never easy to watch carefully laid plans go astray, but in the end, our relationship with Jesus Christ is all that matters.
Please get some help from a counsellor, and start reading the New Testament. God will speak to you from its pages, I promise.
"Heavenly Father, I pray for this grieving and tortured soul, that she will come into right relationship with you, and that you will comfort her as a loving Father. Help her to seek you, and also some counseling help, to get her through this difficult time in her life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
PS I am a pastor, but not certified as a counsellor. So, I hope you can find someone where you are who can help you with these many issues that are destroying your peace of mind, perferably someone Christian.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please wrap this dear child in your loving arms. Show her the paths she needs to take. Give her peace tonight. Let her live for you.
In Jesus's Name,
Amen
I hope this is helpful.
Often people want to make a favorable impression on others, so they say nice things that they don't really mean or don't really believe to be true. This may seem kind, but it is a form of deliberately deceiving others.
This may remind us of politicians trying to get votes. They pretend to think highly of you, but they really want something from you.
Sometimes we really hold an unfavorable view of someone, but we don't want to insult them, so it is easy to say what we don't mean. Perhaps it isn't even proper for us to be thinking those negative thoughts about others. But if our thoughts are valid, then we need to either speak the truth or find something we can honestly say or just change the subject. But lying should not be an option.
Some think they are innocent as long as they say what is technically true, even though they intend to mislead others to believe what is not true. It is possible to tell things that are technically true, yet we leave out pertinent facts or otherwise so speak that we lead others to believe untruths.
Do not dally with falsehoods. Do not consider repeating such things. Refuse to have anything to do with them.
We must both fill our hearts with truth and reject lies and deceit. Don't harbor falsehood in your heart and it cannot be expressed in your speech.
Psalm 12
For the music director; according to the sheminith style; a psalm of David.
1
Deliver, Lord!
For the godly have disappeared;
people of integrity have vanished.
2
People lie to one another;
they flatter and deceive.
3
May the Lord cut off all flattering lips,
and the tongue that boasts!
4
They say, “We speak persuasively;
we know how to flatter and boast.
Who is our master?”
5
“Because of the violence done to the oppressed,
because of the painful cries of the needy,
I will spring into action,” says the Lord.
“I will provide the safety they so desperately desire.”
6
The Lord’s words are absolutely reliable.
They are as untainted as silver purified in a furnace on the ground,
where it is thoroughly refined.
7
You, Lord, will protect them;
you will continually shelter each one from these evil people,
8
for the wicked seem to be everywhere,
when people promote evil
Psalm 12 New English Translation (NET Bible)
I did not intend to sound judgemental because I am a sinner .If I did I apologize .
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ.
Help APP. hold on to the truth.Deliver her from the Spirit of the liar . Give her the strength to repent of all her lies and please forgive her in Jesus name. Give her Holy Spirit, which will lead her to say the truth at all times,
In Jesus name.Amen!