I still haven’t forgiven myself and I have been clean and sober for 15 years and a Christian for 4 years. I am not sure if I will ever forgive myself or if so, when.

But, yes, you must learn to forgive yourself. God accepted you "just as you are."

If you could, (and you can) ask God about that thing you did 3 yrs ago, what do you think He would say?? That's right, "What thing?? My Son died for you. His blood covers ALL your sins!!"

Why should you un-cover it if Jesus has covered it? God don't want to see it, that's why Jesus covered it. Why do you keep bringing it up. This is what happens when you wont forgive what God does NOT hold Against you.

Don't judge yourself by your past. You don't live there anymore!!!!

The Bible says that Jesus died for us, for our sins, even while we were still sinners. He knows it's hard to stop sinning, downright impossible. He knows what it's like to be in your shoes. God created you, loves you, and accepts you. All of the hurt He allowed you to cause to your loved ones He used for the good. He let it make them stronger, in so many ways. It made YOU stronger. It eventually brought you to God. His plan never fails, and You are part of that plan, whether you fail and fail again, or whether you thrive and flourish. He doesn't see the difference. He just sees you, His beloved creation.

If God can forgive us, while we were yet sinners, who are we to withhold forgiveness from ourselves.

"God demonstrates his love for us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

As far as forgiveness for things you have done to others, have you tried asking the person for forgiveness, or making restitution? Always remember to be as Christ-like as possible, but remember that God does expect us to love and forgive.

The Lord's prayer is clear about forgiveness.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Praying you are able to find peace and comfort with God.

I think Satan likes to slip guilt thoughts in our mind that are no longer appropriate feelings for us, since we've repented and been forgiven. Joyce Meyers on tv often recommends noticing what our thoughts are, whether they're healthy or not, It helps me to say positive scriptures out loud if I feel the devil is tormenting my thoughts. That seems to make it stop. Hope you get free of the guilt, it's no longer valid for those things that are now as white as snow.

I struggle with this and the older I get, the more I can see it is bait from satan.

My history isn't the same as yours, but still, I beat myself up *forever* about things I have done wrong and can't let go.

The only thing that has worked for me, say after an argument with someone, is to ask God to vindicate and convict where He sees fit and hand it over to him. Then, like a minute later, when I feel that guilt/pain/lack of peace, I ask him if it is conviction or just "bait" and hand it over to him in prayer. Often, I will feel peace about it, which leaves me to believe it was just "bait" and also sometimes when I feel this peace (vindication) the other person in the argument will call me and apologize (totally out of their character/comfort zone). Then I know for sure, that God has taken care of it.

Hopefully you can find something in those ramblings that might help you. : )