Thank you for sharing. We can only control our own actions, but the need to fit in can make us do things that we don't really want to do. If by being around these "friends", they make you want to do bad things to fit in, then not good being around them. They can still be prayed for, as you look for more positive friends. It is like when an arm becomes gangrene. The arm must be removed, before it kills the whole body. It does depend all on your strength to change their lives for the better, by honestly sharing with them their trespasses. If you feel you can't change them for the better or that they will change you for the worse, then time to remove yourself from them to preserve yourself. Again, can always still keep them in prayer. Some see The Bible as a book of suggestions, while others see The Truth. Easy to bend suggestions. Impossible to bend Truth. By staying firm in your Faith, you are being a light to the world. Preserving that light is an important thing. Often important to be around those that greatly respect that. I hope this made sense. You are in my prayers. Thank you and God Bless.

Professing to know Christ and Possessing Him as Lord and Savior are 2 different things. If these so called "friends" are true Christians, they are not showing it.

We are not to judge others however, the scriptures say that "by their fruits, you shall know them". The scriptures also say in Romans 16: 17-18, to mark them that cause division and act contrary to the doctrines we have learned. We are also to "abstain from all appearances of evil, 1 thess. 5:22. It seems to me these people fit into the category of "carnal Christians as the Apostle Paul stated in his writings. Regardless of what they profess, they do not seem to be true friends of yours otherwise, they would treat you differently. If it were me, I would try to find a new circle of true friends who are mature Christians.

The fact that you know what they are doing, and you don't like it, tells me you know what to do. As others have said, they are not true Christians. Here is what Paul has to say about our thoughts and words!

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. 9 And what you learned and received and heard and saw in me, do these things. And the God of peace will be with you." Phil. 4:8-9

So, is what these so-called friends doing true, pure, just, worthy of respect? Of course not! And even by not saying anything, but not participating, you are still giving them passive approval.

I would say it is time to confront them. Do it in love, but if they are not willing to change, especially the gossiping, they need to hear the truth, and with Bible verses. Here is another important passage on this topic. Follow these instructions, and you will not go far wrong.

"13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Gal. 5:13-25.

I know gossiping is not in this sin list, so here are others!

"A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." Prov. 16:28

"Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are GOSSIPS, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;" Romans 1:28-30

"For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, GOSSIP, arrogance and disorder." 2 Cor. 12:20

Please notice, that in sin lists like these, there is no order! They are all equally bad, according to my sister, who is a lawyer! So, in Romans 1, Paul is saying that gossiping is as bad as murder! It is not a lesser sin! Just by listening to this gossip, you are participating in gossip. I would see if they will stop, but without Christ really in their lives, ruling their hearts and guiding them and directing them I see no hope for them to change.

I personally would make friends with the girls who have been rejected. Not to be a clique, but to support them, and find people that do love Christ, or want to know him. And certainly, they are hurt, too! Walking away will cause this core group to bad mouth you, I am sure, but they have no power over you, unless you choose to give it to them.

Praying you can move forward, and have a clean heart and conscience!

One more thing- is there a key leader in the group? Psychology identifies these groups as "Queen Bee Syndrome." These people try and run/ruin other people's lives. But, in the end, they may hurt you, but they ruin their own lives.

In junior high we had a girl like this. Her name was Diane. I fought to be in her "in" clique, and then one day I realized it was not worth it. I became friends with another excluded girl, and she was into studying and learning like I was, so it was a relationship of equals, and we did not gossip and we still are friends over 50 years later!

Diane committed suicide at age 23, leaving behind 2 toddlers. Does that sound like a happy person? The new friend I made became a very successful doctor. I became a teacher, and then a pastor.

So, who lost in that group? Not me! I am sad Diane's life ended so soon, and without God. But grateful I had the strength not to be bullied and intimidated like the other girls.

Because what those girls are doing to you and the others is bullying and intimidation. No one has to put up with that. Time to move on. And yes, it will hurt! So please post here any time you want. Jesus will help you, and it will be the best decision of your life!

MarleneJ, thanks for the thorough and heartfelt advice. And the scripture passages were a tremendous help. In terms of the “queen bee” girl you asked about, there sort of is one. There is one girl who gives me a cold shoulder when something fun is going on or her friends are there, is the queen bee. I only receive welcoming vibes from her when she needs me for something. Though the others don’t blindly follow her, but most of them haven’t gone out of their way to invite me to anything either. She’s usually the one that plans the outing and “hang outs.”

OLDBIKER, that’s exactly what i was thinking but did not want to judge what I don’t fully understand.


RJW, thank you. I hope and pray to have the strength to move on despite fearing they will bad talk me.

Since you have identified the "Queen Bee" so easily, you need to totally get out of the group. And by rejecting you, then using you, that is manipulation and intimidation. I'm sorry you sincerely tried to make friends and be a good friend, and this has been the result. But not all people are like this. There are good people out there, even non-Christians, that you need to make friends with.

I would suggest you start reading the New Testament on your own, in a modern version. If you don't have a Bible then go to Biblegateway.com and there are 150 versions of the Bible, in many languages. I know God will lead and guide you, and comfort you with his word.

And of course, we are here for you! God bless!

This just came up in a Bible study I am in. I hope it also helps.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Eph. 4:29-32