That is a hard one Norske!! I myself, would split it 50/50, but I would check with the son that has been there for you. I would ask him if he would be upset about that. In the end, it's your money to do with what you want. If your son says it would hurt him or offend him, I would suggest 60/40 or 70/30, see how he feels about that. I don't envy you your choice. Ask God for guidance. Good luck & keep in mind, this is just MHO.

i often think of same thing,our oldest son who isnt close to us and never wanted nothing to do with us and my sister lives with he does now have a verble relationship with us now and has 2 of our gc,and the youngest son we have no idea where he lives and never invited to there home and has 1 of our gs.We have left everything to him.He has changed 100% to the worst,I told dh who is left on this earth last will have to make the choice.I myself will make changes and leave 50/50 and my personal things in house sell and split money i dont want either dil to have any of my personal belongings.Thats my thinking right now could change.

Norske, You bring up a good point. As you pray the Lord will guide you. It might be a good idea to let your son enter in with you in the decision. He has remained faithful.

Everyone has different thoughts on Wills. DH and I excluded our ED. We will remember those who follow the commandment to honor their parents. Things can always be reversed.

God bless you to do what you believe is right.

I just don't know if I want to put my good son on the spot by asking him if he feels okay about an equal division. He has such a big heart, he would never say no if he thought I wanted it equal, but I am not sure about that.

Also thought about starting a small college fund for GD, but not sure about that either. My son still has wife's step mom as his mother on facebook, but maybe that can't be changed once it has been put out there - don't know much about facebook.

Norske, so very sorry for your loss. Can't imagine what you've been going through. Don't worry about facebook- yes, anything can be changed on facebook in 2 seconds, but social media is not reality, in my opinion! Can you wait just a little bit to make the will decision? Your loss is so raw still. I've always heard to not make major decisions while emotions are still high.

The prodigal son's father welcomed him completely back into the family when he came home from his estrangement. I do think it would be hard to put a percentage value on time lost, etc. But I would say wait just a bit on this decision, if you can. Maybe after the holidays...

Norske, Can you give it some time before making changes? I believe I would not rush it.

I am not on FB but I know many who are on it. Any profile and info can be changed. Maybe, your ES even forgot he did not change the words. Is he on FB very often? Does he know you see that? You deserve to be given the title that honors you as "Mother" IMHO.

I just checked his FB and he has as family pictures of his wife and wife's half-sister with their names in "blue" but there are no pictures of his mother and wife's step brother and wife's step aunt, whose names are in black and written "mother", "brother" and "aunt". What's the difference in the colors of blue or black on names?

Norske, I worked for an estate planning attorney for several years and during that time I saw a lot of things. Perhaps you may wait just awhile and pray before making any major decisions. I have not posted much on this site, but have found a source of strength in reading the post of others here. My heart goes out to you. My daughter is living a lifestyle that goes against God's word and I struggle with her choices. We had been estranged for a year, but she has recently started speaking with my husband and I. I will never give up hope on her to change her lifestyle. I am putting my trust in God . He created her, he knows her heart , and God's ways of handling things are best. I know all things work together for good to those who serve the Lord and while I can't see what is ahead I trust God and his way. My daughter was a faithful Christian but she is lost right now. All this being said, I love both of my children the same. My son is a faithful Christian. I believe God loves all his children the same even though he may not be pleased with their actions. God will hold each personal accountable someday. God will decide if we will be granted the reward of a home in Heaven with him and that is far more important than any material thing here on Earth. I have struggled in thinking about changing our will because the vey awful things our daughter has done to my husband and I. No words can truly express the hurt and sorrow we have been enduring. Each person must decide for themselves what to do and let God lead you.

Our ES who has returned doesn't go to church any more. When he was here with his family, she thought the bag of varied crosses I had for an art project for the kids at Celebrate Recovery were "T's". My ES has not gone to church for 7 years. He did say he was "thinking" of going back. Not sure if he said that because his brother said he is head usher, in a small group, and goes to church regularly, or really is thinking about it. I hope God touches his heart to return to the church and God.

I will pray for your son that the Lord will lead him back to the church. Given what your family has been through maybe your son's heart is being spoken to in the process.

Norske 1, I was so shocked to hear about your DH. I know you are probably going through so many emotions and feelings, your head is spinning. Give the will some thought before making any decisions now. I would see how it goes with your ES in the coming months. Is he really sorry for what he put you and your DH through all those years apart? I can't tell you what to do with your will, but you may be able to make it contingent on your son's behavior. He may only be back because he knew about his father being sick and now he wants to "get something' from that? I don't say that to be mean or cruel, but 7 years is a very long time to just throw away your family for your wife's family. I would discuss options with an estate attorney and see what you can do so you can be confident in your decision.
Just know that I pray for your peace of mind and hope you are doing ok considering what you have been through.

Since our ES has made it very clear that he absolutely wants nothing to do with us nor anything from us, we are leaving what we have to various charities. I feel that at least God's work may be furthered in this world due to our small contributions. We have given and given to ES over the past years and never any sense of gratitude what so ever. So, that is our solution. We know which charities we prefer and what ones make good financial decisions. Just another thought. So very sorry for your loss.

I do not think color of names means anything on FB but I am not sure.

That is a good prayer. We must pray our EC back to God and to His ways.

You could leave it in a trust fund for your gc education. We don't have any gc but have all of our assets divided between charity, elderly parents, a little to our ECs and a little in a medical trust fund for them too. There are many ways to divide it all up. You have spent your life earning your money and saving it, you should do whatever you feel the Lord would have you do with that. It is all His really. And, there is every probability that you will live a long life still and need it to take care of yourself.

Norske, the #1 rule of thumb is to not make major decisions for the first year after a death of a spouse. The emotions are too high - unless of course there are health and safety issues with the remaining spouse.

My suggestion is to give it some time. See if the son was there just for his dad or if there has truly been a change of heart. If, in time, the son remains a healty part of your life then do what you think is best. For me, if my son and DIL were truly repentant, then I would treat them equally - just as Jesus did to me when I repented. All debts were paid in full at that time. Is that not the main theme of the prodigal son?

Drive safe

Luv ya!