CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Today the reading in my Daily Devotionals really hit me. It is the story of Abram and Sarai.
Genesis 16:1-16
READ
Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, "The LORD has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her." And Abram agreed with Sarai's proposal. So Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) (Genesis 16:1-3)
REFLECT
Sarai was following a common practice of that time when she gave Hagar to Abram as a substitute wife. But at the same time, Sarai took matters into her own hands by doing this.
Abram was also acting in line with the custom of the day, but his action showed a lack of faith that God would fulfill his promise.
When we take over God's role, we don't give faith the chance to grow. Waiting on God can take a long time. In Abram and Sarai's case, time was the greatest test of their faith and willingness to let God work in their lives on his schedule. Sometimes we, too, must simply wait. When we ask God for something and have to wait, we can be tempted to take matters into our own hands and interfere with God's purposes. Like Abram and Sarai, we might fail along the way. But God is patient with us like he was with Abram and Sarai.
RESPOND
What situation have you been trying to control? How can you wait for God's timing?
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done" (Philippians 4:6).
This really hit me this morning. I have been praying for over 5 years for my ES to come back into our lives, but I haven't been patient. I have sent emails, cards, etc. trying to hurry up the process. I think we need to either ask God for a reunion and then be PATIENT to wait on Him, or, ask God to be with us as we try ourselves to fix the situation. I also need to ask God to remind my ES and DIL that my love for them will always be.
Genesis 16:1-16
READ
Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, "The LORD has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her." And Abram agreed with Sarai's proposal. So Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) (Genesis 16:1-3)
REFLECT
Sarai was following a common practice of that time when she gave Hagar to Abram as a substitute wife. But at the same time, Sarai took matters into her own hands by doing this.
Abram was also acting in line with the custom of the day, but his action showed a lack of faith that God would fulfill his promise.
When we take over God's role, we don't give faith the chance to grow. Waiting on God can take a long time. In Abram and Sarai's case, time was the greatest test of their faith and willingness to let God work in their lives on his schedule. Sometimes we, too, must simply wait. When we ask God for something and have to wait, we can be tempted to take matters into our own hands and interfere with God's purposes. Like Abram and Sarai, we might fail along the way. But God is patient with us like he was with Abram and Sarai.
RESPOND
What situation have you been trying to control? How can you wait for God's timing?
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done" (Philippians 4:6).
This really hit me this morning. I have been praying for over 5 years for my ES to come back into our lives, but I haven't been patient. I have sent emails, cards, etc. trying to hurry up the process. I think we need to either ask God for a reunion and then be PATIENT to wait on Him, or, ask God to be with us as we try ourselves to fix the situation. I also need to ask God to remind my ES and DIL that my love for them will always be.
Tomorrow is a new day! LOL
Yes Norske..I'm with you on the patience part. I too have struggled with being patient. Estrangement just doesn't seem right for ANY length of time..so for five years..yes, that requires a lot of patience.
Can you imagine the patience Sarai (eventually..Sarah) needed?? Her closed womb was far much longer.
I was watching the Bible mini-series on History channel last night (started 8pm..every Sunday from now until Easter) (just a friendly plug to watch the show) and they featured the story of Abraham and Sarah and their faith and patience before Isaac was born.
In the case of Sarah intervening..well it created a more serious problem for the future..all of Ishmael's (Hagar's son) descendants would come against all of the descendants of Isaac...so her interference had some pretty serious fall outs for future generations.
I often think about this "generational' topic..the sins of my father..are they now still interfering with MY children's futures?? That's why it's vital to wait on God's timing, not ours. This is so hard to do..almost impossible in our own flesh, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can. It's sometimes just out of our control, and we must wait, and acknowledge God's knows what He's doing on our behalf..and on behalf of our estranged children. Thanks for sharing this devotional..it's a good one to reflect on for sure.
Sorry about that Norske......(falling on my face with embarassment!!)
Ishmael with the handmaiden Hagar, and about fourteen years later..Isaac was born with Sarah as the child's mother. Ishmael and Hagar were sent away after Isaac was born..Sarah was afraid Isaac would lose his place as Abraham's chosen son with her. In the end. the descendants of .Ishmael and the descendants of Isaac became terrible enemies of each other and there began the centuries war between the two tribes and their descendants, which still goes on to this present day in the Holy Land.
Thanks for telling us about James Mac Donald's series on family pain...I'll look into that, he's a really good Bible teacher with a great radio program that I listen to often.
Welcome to our group wholemom..I haven't met you before?
I believe that God did not want the estrangements to happen and He cried when they happened, BUT He gave each and every one of us (including our EC) free will to say and do whatever we want if we aren't close to Him. And one of the many human sins is wanting what the heart wants, not thinking of consequences and totally ignoring what God wants for us.
Therefore, I know I need to patient and wait on Him to turn my ES and DIL hearts from stone to love. And I also need to prepare myself that it might not be in this lifetime. The thought of never hugging my ES again breaks my heart, and God knows that and cries for me.
In my case, our ES fell head over heels in love with a woman who is not a Christian, who laughed at our Christian faith and she lured him to her, as it happened so many times in the bible. But God can work with our EC to bring them back to him and that is what I am patiently waiting for.
My ES also decided to walk away from God, and this was his own decision. My heart grieves more that my ES is estranged from God, which is a far more serious relationship break, than the estrangement with us. (my husband and our other two adult children are being shunned right now as well as myself)
It's clear in the Bible that God gives us a choice. "Choose this day whom you will serve" (Joshua 24 verse 15) ..but that we cannot serve God and the world at the same time, (Matthew 6 verse 24) we have to choose. We are responsible for our own personal choice, and cannot control other people's choice.
This has helped me heal from the grief of missing my son.
I've learned to accept this estrangement as his choice, which is out of my control.
May God bless us all and help us all heal from the wounds that estrangement causes.
God does not override our free will and force us to do something we may not want to do - right or wrong. He intervenes through our hearts by putting people and situations in place at just the right time to appeal to our conscience. It is then that our free will is at a personal crossroad. We can either stay on the same road, or heed the "pricking nudge" of the Holy Spirit and change our direction.
He did tell me he was going to give her 10 years to become a christian. Being young and naive, I do have to say what a beautiful thought. I can only pray he will work to bring her to Christ, but am sad that he thinks he has to be estranged from his family during the process.
Just proves not everyone that goes to church is IN church!
What is more important is that we must all look within ourselves to make sure we are not the tares and let God decide who really is and isn't.