I'm totally with ejrinpain. She said what's in my heart. I love him and always will, but I can't imagine a relationship again where I'm always aware of his negative judgment and I'm walking on eggshells trying not to set him off. Life is too short for that. Even the fact that he was willing to rob his own children of a relationship with their loving grandparents says a lot to me about him. I thank God for the peace He has given me since I turned the whole thing over to Him. My prayers go up daily for my son and his family.

Personably I do not feel safe most of the time after such a deep betrayal as this. I know that God has allowed it to happen and he has a bigger plan for me but I still struggle daily with fear of people hurting me. Perhaps I will never get over that. I am overly sensitive and have much difficulty trusting others. I still love my sons and can forgive them but I certainly look at them very different and probably will never trust them again. We feel intense pain for a reason. I don't want to ever feel pain like this again in my life. That is why I do not really think true reconciliation is possible without remorse and an attempt to make amends. If someone repeatedly tried to hurt me or treat me unkind, I would disengage quickly. I would go out of my way to avoid someone like that.

The whole thing is moot for me insofar as my ED ever feeling remorse for anything. I don't think she has it in her. I forgive her for being the way she is, because if she could do better, she would. But that doesn't mean her actions are okay with me.

And they did have consquences. One is, like savedbyhim, I became determined that I would never be hurt by her like that again. That was a HUGE first reaction, after the enormous betrayal. And I won't be hurt by her like that again. It no longer possible.

Like saved, I believe we feel intense pain for a reason - to protect ourselves from having the pain over and over, forever. It's a self-protective thing, a survival thing. Like saved, I will probably never trust my ED again, although there is very little "probably" about it. Chances are excellent that I won't live long enough and she won't change enough for trust to ever be regained.

I don't believe God wants or expects us to sacrifice ourselves to someone who is, for whatever reasons, very detrimental to us. Or worse, sacrifice the happiness of our remaining loved ones because they see us ruin our own lives over it.

Anything can happen in the future, though. So I think it's healthy to put it in God's hands and hope for the best. While getting on with our own lives, and enjoying our remaining blessings the way God wants us to.

Couldn't agree more with this post, MariaStevie! As we have endured our trial and estrangement, older Christians (who have seen a lot more of life than we have), have encouraged us about this very truth-- it's on the back of our EC to repent before God, which will lead to repentence towards those they have hurt and true reconciliation. It has to be in that order.

If we get involved and look past all that our ED has done/is still doing, it will just prolong her dealing with the truth and turn our lives upside down (again). Many times outsiders do not understand this (especially non-Christians), and judge us again for our stepping away and letting God deal with our ED directly. Even many of our church friends want us to come alongside her in her sin and deception. We will not do that- we answer to a holy God, not an 18 year old.

It's painful- there are no words for how much this hurts (as those on this board know)--- only God knows the depth of pain we have endured. But I pray He will use every ache and tear for His glory, and hopefully for our EC's and their families' good.