Hello, I'm new to this. I have been looking for a Christian support group, and I'm so glad I found you.

As far as support groups, there are many for parents put on by PFLAG and GLBT community but this would be like brainwashing to make my "mind right". And as far as Christian churches for support, as you may know, they aren't always equipped to help the broken (though they should be). It's been a very isolating experience.

The last year has been the hardest. My ED thinks she is transgender and is quite seriously moving ahead to get hormones and surgery. A hysterectomy? It's horrifying to me, but I hoped it would pass. She mistook my silence for support, so I've had to clarify I will not support this in any way. She still lives at home, and I've told her she needs to be on her own if wanting to make such drastic changes that go against how she was raised to love the lord. Of course, I am the narrow-minded one, and I'm always the problem:

She has told me many times what I did wrong raising her, how weak I am, that religion is a crutch for some people. She vacilates between condescention and disrespect, to saying just the right things to get another hand out from Mom. It's like living with jekyl and hyde. I sense her manipulation and despise my weakness, but I get a glimpse of the girl I knew and hope renews, until the next problem our outburst

I've raised her alone...I'm tapped out financially, she's dropped out of high school, she's been hospitalized for deoression, suicide threats, I've done everything I can imagine to get her help. This has been going on since she hit puberty at 9. I'M EXHAUSTED.

And all my work and care has gotten to her thinking she is a boy. What a lie from Satan that I think counselors encourage in her! I don't for one second think God made a mistake. And I never saw one indication that she wanted this while growing up. She wanted to wear dresses, play with dolls, dressed as a princess for Halloween. Where did this come from?

This past year I've moved to a new State for work (she came with), I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer last March, and I was diagnosed about a year ago with Multiple Sclerosis. I'm in Christian therapy but haven't found church where I fit in yet.

ED says she's moving out end of lease..and I won't be a part of her life because I don't support her the right way. Some days I feel like I don't even like her, and I don't recognize her.

I WANT her to move out, which sounds harsh, but she's almost 21 and respects no boundaries with me. I feel depressed and discouraged just being around her- like a dark cloud in her presence. I somehow have to take care of my self, then feel guilty for not loving her enough. She critizises me in little and big ways...she sneers when I mention God's plan for her life. I've asked her to not swear, but she continues. She barges into my room, listens to my phone calls. She gives me referrals to transgender groups....she acts like the parent, and I'm the wayward child.

I've over-spent on her trying to make things right, but she's a black hole that nothing fills. I cannot maintain supporting her without ruining myself. I've let her make too many choices and I realize somedays I'm scared of her: what if she gets suicidal, what if she lashes out, what if she's homeless.

Sorry that is such a rant, my heart is so heavy.

Thanks for listening